eerie_reverie Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) nothing. hhhhhhhhh Edited March 11, 2011 by eerie_reverie
Trimmer Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 nothing. hhhhhhhhh Hmm, what's going on there Spook?
Author eerie_reverie Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) October: S dumps his gf and starts hanging out with my friend. They're kind-of dating. November: We are all hanging out at his place a lot. He has two roommates, A and T. I kinda have crushes on all of them, though I'm most interested in S. December: L rejects S, I hook up with him. L flips out and S decides he wants to give it another chance with her so we're back to just being friends. The holidays bring an onslaught of depression and I get wasted one night and make out with T. He is so sweet and I really hope that he calls, but he doesn't. A week later to spite him and S, I make out with A. T finds out when A shows him my earrings, a holiday pair just like the one I left in T's room. He gives them both back to me one night when we're all playing poker - he seems upset. January: S and L are over, as is my friendship with L, and S and I start going out. It's a depressing relationship. We hang out in bed a lot talking about L and how crazy she is. T moves into my building and he and I start hanging out a lot too. February: I take a trip back to my college town and see my ex - the one I've never gotten over. The first night, we go to a restaurant and hang out with a couple from the midwest as we wait outside for our table. We drink a 6-pack and reminisce and while he is off in the bathroom, the lady tells me he told her he likes me a lot. I tell her we were together for 4 years 4 years ago, and she said, "Me and my husband were exes once, too." Another night, we go out to a bar to drink gin and tonics and talk cuddled up beneath a heat lamp, and on the way back to my house, holding hands, he says, "How did you get pregnant that one time?" and I start to cry. "Was it traumatizing for you?" I ask him, and he says he wanted to be there for me. "I grilled the doctor after you were passed out," he says, "- he thought I was crazy. I didn't want him to hurt you." We wander into a train station and he tackles me and fcvks me hard from behind, and afterward, he says, "Maybe you'll get pregnat again," which dissolves me to tears, to know he is just as broken as I am, to have wished for that now, so many years later. It's the first time we have talked about it about it and I can't stop crying. We hug the whole way back and he tells me he's always regretted not having been able to make me happy. "I would have been happy," I say, "if I wasn't so young," and that's our goodbye. I go back to my city, break up with S, and spend 3 days in bed, passed out. I am emotionally exhausted. March: T and I hang out every night. We alternate cooking dinner and hanging out in each other's apartments. We listen to music, write, and watch movies. We tell each other all the details of our days. We go to the beach one night, jog around, and play with the waves. He tells me he wants a relationship "just like" our friendship, and admits one night to wanting to cuddle with me. But we've both made promises to S not to get involved with each other. And he has cancer, which is putting me off. So nothing has happened. I wish things weren't so screwed up. I wish I had faith that anything worked out, that anyone could be right for me. Edited March 13, 2011 by eerie_reverie
eleanorhurting Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 why dont you slow down and get to know these people as friends? Maybe taking a break from pursuing romantic/physical relationships wouldn't be a bad idea and you never know where things could lead in the future when you have had time to regroup and think about everything. I'm sorry I recently got out of a huge breakup/mess and that is my advice to everyone
allina Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 What's the meaning of what happened with the ex (W I think)? Is it something that happened out of the blue and won't happen again, or is it something that made you feel like you guys could be together?
Author eerie_reverie Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 What's the meaning of what happened with the ex (W I think)? Is it something that happened out of the blue and won't happen again, or is it something that made you feel like you guys could be together? I don't know. I would be open to getting back together, just like I've always been, but I feel like the initiative has to come from him - he's the one that dumped me all those years ago. We've been chatting online and texting since I got back to my city, but it's nothing heavy, and we're thousands of miles apart.
welikeincrowds Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I guess this is why people get nervous when they're dating someone who's still friends with an ex. This is is all very dramatic. I don't mean to trivialize your (abortion?), which I'm sure was very real and difficult. Still, this story reads like a soap opera. A big part of it is probably this incestuous circle of yours. It's too bad that you're left with a ransacked friend pool. You've tried dating strangers?
johan Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I've done the train station thing, too. Lovely memories.
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