My guy can't communicate...

[carhill]

D, I want to preface this by noting that this issue was the deal-breaker in our M.....

 

I really can appreciate, as a man, all those wonderful and loving acts of service he does for you; that said, has he accepted that this issue, the ability to clearly and calmly communicate on serious issues, is of critical importance to you? Further, does he understand that you perceive his words as support and that their dearth causes you to feel abandoned? I don't want to put words in your mouth but am sharing with you how things went for us. Whatever the proper words are, does he understand and accept? If he does, has there been *any* movement? If not, now is the time for an internal timeline, without pressure, for him to begin movement to some sort of bend. If it comes too late, like it did for my exW and I, the love is gone and the R (M in our case) is done. This presumes that this issue is important to you, and it appears to be so, indicated by your past thoughts of breaking up due to it.

 

I can sympathize with you both. In my case, my exW's issues stemmed from an ugly childhood, but that apparently isn't the case with your BF, rather perhaps a learned familial communication style, augmented by the negative experiences and coping style he developed in his last relationship. So far, you've apparently succeeded where I failed, in that you've clearly communicated the issues in a way he hears. Now it's up to him to do his part. I hope he does. Sounds like you and he have a good thing going otherwise

[whichwayisup]

He does have a lot of "right" going for him, but I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life with someone that can't talk to me.

 

Question is, is he willing to change? Try his best to get better on communicating and being there the way he needs to be? And, is sticking around with him, worth that chance?

 

There were times during that period where I felt like I wanted to break up, because I felt so alone, despite the fact that he was right next to me.

 

This isn't a good feeling to have. Just wondering if you told him this. Not to hurt his feelings but so he understands that the lights are on but nobody is home syndrome isn't a good thing.

[johan]

...now is the time for an internal timeline, without pressure, for him to begin movement to some sort of bend. If it comes too late, like it did for my exW and I, the love is gone and the R (M in our case) is done.

 

I could see this strategy working if the issue was taking out the trash or keeping the house clean. But practicing the ability to "be open with emotions and listen while D is going through hard times" requires D to be going through hard times. Working on it outside of crisis mode may just amount to nagging him or putting him through some kind of emotional boot camp. "Ok, today we're going to go through the anger obstacle course, after we complete 30 minutes of sadness calisthenics!"

 

People might be forgetting that this relationship is pretty new. That's a lot of pressure to be putting on so early. In fact, the pregnancy and miscarriage themselves are a pretty heavy load to put on such a new relationship. It could be that in spite of his actions, he's not yet so deeply invested. That would be understandable.

[D-Lish]

D, I want to preface this by noting that this issue was the deal-breaker in our M.....

 

I really can appreciate, as a man, all those wonderful and loving acts of service he does for you; that said, has he accepted that this issue, the ability to clearly and calmly communicate on serious issues, is of critical importance to you? Further, does he understand that you perceive his words as support and that their dearth causes you to feel abandoned? I don't want to put words in your mouth but am sharing with you how things went for us. Whatever the proper words are, does he understand and accept? If he does, has there been *any* movement? If not, now is the time for an internal timeline, without pressure, for him to begin movement to some sort of bend. If it comes too late, like it did for my exW and I, the love is gone and the R (M in our case) is done. This presumes that this issue is important to you, and it appears to be so, indicated by your past thoughts of breaking up due to it.

 

I can sympathize with you both. In my case, my exW's issues stemmed from an ugly childhood, but that apparently isn't the case with your BF, rather perhaps a learned familial communication style, augmented by the negative experiences and coping style he developed in his last relationship. So far, you've apparently succeeded where I failed, in that you've clearly communicated the issues in a way he hears. Now it's up to him to do his part. I hope he does. Sounds like you and he have a good thing going otherwise

 

I know he's heard me, but it hurt that after our conversation last night that he didn't tell me about the hockey game today.

 

Question is, is he willing to change? Try his best to get better on communicating and being there the way he needs to be? And, is sticking around with him, worth that chance?

 

This isn't a good feeling to have. Just wondering if you told him this. Not to hurt his feelings but so he understands that the lights are on but nobody is home syndrome isn't a good thing.

 

I want more than anything to think he's capable of making the effort, because I don't think I am capable of spending the rest of my life with someone that can't open up to me. I just need a little.

 

Even last night, I talked- he didn't say much, just listened, and he had the deer caught in the headlights look as I did so.

[threebyfate]

Can we get back to reality in this thread?

 

 

Facts:

• D got pregnant and had a miscarriage.
  
• Her b/f stuck around and tried to be supportive in his own way.
  
• He's still around.
  
• D wishes he was more capable of having emotive conversations.
  

We can guess his motivation until we're blue in the face and create all kinds of illusionary possibilities, but it does D. no good to sabotage her relationship through guessing games.

[johan]

Maybe you should actually read her posts and respond to them instead of trying to win the advice contest.

[threebyfate]

Maybe you should stop playing guessing games with D's relationship. You're welcome to sabotage your own and you do that well enough.

[johan]

Maybe you should stop playing guessing games with D's relationship. You're welcome to sabotage your own and you do that well enough.

 

I'm posting the same opinions I would post to anyone else. And I'm not any more guilty of guessing in this case than you are. If it was as simple as you want it to be, then she wouldn't be upset. The facts you posted are obviously not what her real concern is. Coffee and a clean car were not enough, and she's not feeling very good about dating a deer. Address that.

[D-Lish]

I could see this strategy working if the issue was taking out the trash or keeping the house clean. But practicing the ability to "be open with emotions and listen while D is going through hard times" requires D to be going through hard times. Working on it outside of crisis mode may just amount to nagging him or putting him through some kind of emotional boot camp. "Ok, today we're going to go through the anger obstacle course, after we complete 30 minutes of sadness calisthenics!"

 

People might be forgetting that this relationship is pretty new. That's a lot of pressure to be putting on so early. In fact, the pregnancy and miscarriage themselves are a pretty heavy load to put on such a new relationship. It could be that in spite of his actions, he's not yet so deeply invested. That would be understandable.

 

I've actually wondered about that. He can tell me he loves me, take me to meet his parents, come on a trip with me, buy me an x-mas gift that entails him paying for a year membership... But I also wondered if he was just moving too fast in doing these things, and not truly invested.

 

And it is understandable if he's not. We encountered something pretty traumatic for a new relationship. A lot our our new relationship has been having to deal with a pregnancy, instead of coasting along getting to know one another.

 

I'm not ready to say I am 100% invested either. I don't know how differently things would have played out had the pregnancy not happened. I do feel like I love him, but moving in together isn't something I'm ready to do (and he has expressed wanting to).

[whichwayisup]

He had tickets for a hockey game tonight that he's know about for over a week, and he didn't tell me he was going until this morning. When I asked him why he didn't say anything he said he didn't want me to be mad at him. I've never once in our 4 months of dating given him a hard time about going out. I've actually suggested he go out with his friends for a change because he's always spending time with me. Things like this frustrate me- because I'm a completely different woman than his ex. It hurts a little that he doesn't feel he can tell me things because he's letting his past experiences with his ex dictate how he deals with me. He plays hockey three nights a week, and he often wants to come over after- but I always encourage him to stay with his friends after and have guy time. So it's hard for me to wrap my head around him not being able to tell me he was going to a hockey game.

 

Weird. Unless he thought that you would want to go and he didn't have the nerve to tell you he was bringin a buddy? Thought that you would be not pleased about not going with him? I dunno.. (Glad we won the game though!)

 

 

 

I want more than anything to think he's capable of making the effort, because I don't think I am capable of spending the rest of my life with someone that can't open up to me. I just need a little.

 

Even last night, I talked- he didn't say much, just listened, and he had the deer caught in the headlights look as I did so.

 

Well, I say give it all time. If you like him and he likes you, together you'll grow and learn from mistakes. Though, some counselling might help him sort out his past baggage and insecurities. You are not his ex and his reactions/worries and ghosts are being put on you and that's not fair or right.

[threebyfate]

Go back and read my posts. Those issues have already been addressed.

 

What seriously concerns me about your posts is the direction you're taking her which is to essentially continue illustrating his negatives, rather than balancing his positives and negatives.

 

If you're not trying to sabotage her relationship, you're doing a fine imitation of it.

 

This guy provides D with far more than she's had in a long time. It is still a relatively young relationship. D's currently in no real state to make any decisions and while I'm glad she's discussing this on LS since she clearly needs to do so, to solely focus on his negatives right now is pushing her in an irrevocably negative direction, one that might be a mistake.

 

As far as the advice contest is concerned, there isn't one. If that's the way you feel, it's once again something your imagination has created, much like the rest of the guessing of his motives.

[threebyfate]

I do feel like I love him, but moving in together isn't something I'm ready to do (and he has expressed wanting to).

Is this very meaningful? I've been picking up some vibes from your posts of wanting to ditch and run. This kind of solidifies them more. Are you afraid, D?

[whichwayisup]

I'm not ready to say I am 100% invested either. I don't know how differently things would have played out had the pregnancy not happened. I do feel like I love him, but moving in together isn't something I'm ready to do (and he has expressed wanting to).

 

This thing is still pretty new and to move in together after less than 5/6 months is too fast. He must know this too. Just be honest with him and make sure he knows how you feel but it's just too soon.

[johan]

Go back and read my posts. Those issues have already been addressed.

 

What seriously concerns me about your posts is the direction you're taking her which is to essentially continue illustrating his negatives, rather than balancing his positives and negatives.

 

If you're not trying to sabotage her relationship, you're doing a fine imitation of it.

 

This guy provides D with far more than she's had in a long time. It is still a relatively young relationship. D's currently in no real state to make any decisions and while I'm glad she's discussing this on LS since she clearly needs to do so, to solely focus on his negatives right now is pushing her in an irrevocably negative direction, one that might be a mistake.

 

As far as the advice contest is concerned, there isn't one. If that's the way you feel, it's once again something your imagination has created, much like the rest of the guessing of his motives.

 

I didn't realize I had so much influence. Maybe you're the one who is extra focused on my posts. But I honestly have no skin in the game. No motivation either to make her stay with him or leave him. I want her to be happy. But just to be safe: D, feel free to read the other posts on the thread. Don't just focus on mine.

 

What you're scared of is that D will go back to being single. You'd prefer she not jump to conclusions and trust for now that this guy will learn to communicate and give up the headlight fixation. Leave the big decisions for later. Personally, I think he's too old for that. But she and he can try and see how it goes.

 

Or maybe you think that D is looking for reasons to get out, because people who have been severely burned and have gotten used to being single tend to look for reasons to leave. Good relationships in particular.

 

Maybe you should do the communicating thing and talk about what your fears are. I imagine for D that would be a refreshing change of pace.

 

Between the lines on this thread I'm reading "I love him, but do I respect him?" It's his job to earn her respect, and if their love is strong, then what difference does it make what I think or say? I get to post my thoughts here regardless. I've been fair to him, and I think pretty objective overall.

[threebyfate]

I'm not going to continue with this pissing match. It's already gone on long enough.

 

My apologies D. I wish you happiness. Bear in mind that sometimes happiness takes time and effort.

 

I'm out.

[Ruby Slippers]

I have not read the whole thread, but here's my two cents:

 

Unless his nonverbal nature is an absolute deal breaker for you, I'd try to look past it. I think one of the mistakes people make in modern relationships is expecting their partner to be EVERYTHING. It would be nice, but it's not realistic, and it's simply too much pressure.

 

Do you have friends, family members, or a therapist you can talk to in hard times?

 

It doesn't sound like this guy is going to just leave you high and dry. But he'll show his support with actions, not a lot of words. If most other things are good with him, I'd try to accept that.

[Zapbasket]

I think one of the mistakes people make in modern relationships is expecting their partner to be EVERYTHING.

 

I'm genuinely asking, not disagreeing with what you said, Ruby: Is it expecting your partner to be EVERYTHING, though, in expecting him or her to be capable of discussing painful or difficult things, especially things that affect the course of your relationship? It seems to me that our partners SHOULD be the people we feel we can go to first when things get tough in life. That's part of the mutual responsibility of an intimate relationship. No?

[snug.bunny]

Everything about this situation was traumatic for me. I'd given up my hopes of having kids LONG ago. When I married my exH, he was adamant that he didn't want children, so I gave up that hope when I married him. Then he went along to have an affair, get another woman pregnant from that affair- and he's now married with 3 kids with that same woman. I have a lot of unresolved issues about that.

 

We literally didn't talk about it beyond confirming what was what. If I did bring it up, he'd look startled. He's just not good at communicating. What it came down to is that he voiced that he didn't want to have children, but if I wanted to go through with it, he'd support me in any and all ways. That's as far as we got in terms of being able to speak about it.

 

I was in the process of weighing options, sort of leaning toward keeping the baby, but I also felt lost in my decision, because I had no input from him beyond a few fleeting conversations that I prompted.

 

Thanks Tbf.

 

I keep replaying my ideal initial response in my head, and that ideal response would have gone like this:

 

"hey, I love you, let's do it".

 

But at 4 months, that's a lot to have asked of him, I realize that.

 

I think this is worth paying attention to (in terms of your feelings) because I think you may be feeling discouraged by his reaction to the pregnancy overall. Maybe you wanted to hear words of validation along the lines of "I would love to have a baby with you" versus the response that he gave you.

 

We know at 4 months in, that would be unrealistic to expect of anyone. But, something to pay attention to because it seems this has stirred up a lot of emotions that perhaps include past disappointments...

 

Not that he is experiencing anything remotely close to what you are/have, but keep in mind that he most likely feels responsible for the chain of events since he was the one that impregnated you and you losing the baby may also leave him feeling guilty. He too lost an unborn child in this and may have conflicting feelings about that as well.

 

In a perfect world, we would love it if our partner could read our minds and say the perfect words, but that is not realistic. Part of working through this is going to include you communicating to him your feelings of disappointment, in a way that doesn't shift the blame on him entirely. I think if you can do that and work through it with him, it will deepen the level of intimacy. But you both have to be open to that.

 

As to the suggestion that he is supposed to be your everything, we can't expect that from anyone, let alone someone who you have only known for 4 months. Had this happened well into the relationship, the outcome may have been different. But we are dealing with a brand new relationship and this is a lot to undergo in such a short period of time. Both of you feel and experience things differently and how you react to life's events. Give him a chance to verbally express his feelings to you over time and maybe you will be pleasantly surprised, maybe you won't. Time will tell.

[sunshinegirl]

I dated a guy a few years ago who could not, and I mean COULD NOT, engage/discuss/be there for me with the hard issues. Similar to what D is experiencing. His inability created for me an inexorable feeling that I was alone in the relationship. And I mean ALONE. We simply had no connection around matters that were serious, hard, or scary because he couldn't discuss anything. Anything.

 

He had a lot of other positive qualities, so I tried to accept that he just wasn't wired for talky-talk. So what happened over the course of the relationship? I felt more and more distance from him, and over time became more and more depressed and withdrawn in the relationship. There was no intimacy, at all, by the end.

 

I realized through that horrible experience that being able to discuss serious matters with my partner was a fundamental need of mine. It was not enough for me to talk about what mattered with girlfriends, sisters, parents, or therapist: I needed the person who was ostensibly closest to me in the world to be able to listen and engage on the tough stuff (and this didn't mean that he had to be a gabbing girlfriend-like man or that he does it perfectly).

 

For D-Lish...I come back to wondering what is so good about 'balancing good with less good' qualities when the less-good qualities seem to be creating a real and deep feeling of loneliness for her?

 

What she is experiencing is not like me balancing my husband's less-good qualities of, say, farting a lot and being chronically late. I can problem-solve around those, and they don't create a fundamental question for me of whether my life partner can be there for me in a crisis. (He can, he's proved it.)

 

For D-Lish, her otherwise wonderful boyfriend has some less-good qualities that directly impact on the quality of communication, trust and intimacy they can develop together. That is no small thing.

 

I certainly agree D-Lish should continue to take good care of herself and not make any big decisions right now. I can celebrate that D-Lish has found a pretty good thing in this guy; and, it sounds like, for her, verbal communication is a fundamental need and I hope that posters here support her being in a relationship in which her fundamental needs are well met. I think we can all see that right now, they're not.

 

Finally, I'd be curious to hear from other posters' experiences if they've ever had a partner who was able to make a significant and sustainable change to their communication repertoire. I haven't, so I see it as a bit of a red flag that people are saying "maybe he'll change!" Maybe... but I wasted a lot of time with men who had great potential if only they would have changed....

 

Finally finally, big hugs to you, D-Lish. Hope you take in all of the input you are getting here, and mull it over for awhile before making any decisions. Whether you stay together or not, I certainly hope you find your happiness!

[Kamille]

I think it could be wise that you two brainstorm about how to handle differences in the relationship. From what I can gather of what my bf has said of his past relationship, he got into the habit of showing support, but not communicating his real feelings about issues (for his reactions were generally assumed to be faulty, not sincere enough, not the right reactions anyway). Whatever could be held against him would be held against him.

 

This has meant that in our relationship, we've had to work with the fact that sometimes bf would twist truths around so as to avoid feeling like he was "disappointing" me or "hurting me". He would also withhold his own emotions at time. He did this in part because he was afraid to lose me and in part because of his baggage. It took us a long time to get to a space where he knows he can be upfront with me (and I expect some hiccups in the future -baggage takes a long time to dismiss). I had to make it clear to him that a) I could handle the truth, even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear and that b)our reactions to events could differ without me either holding it against him or me demanding he see things my way. So D-Lish, my question is this: are you able to handle the fact your reactions differed in regards to the pregnancy? I feel like this is the core of the issue and that you're letting your disappointment trickle to other areas of your relationship. I also feel that as long as you haven't resolved your own potential resentment about the pregnancy, you might end up making him feel like he's walking on eggshells, thus provoking the kind of "omissions" he did with the hockey tickets.

 

My take is very similar to Snug.bunny's. I think we all need to remember that the pregnancy and miscarriage didn't just happen to you, it happened to him too. You both reacted differently, and those two reactions are valid.

 

You mentioned you were disappointed that he showed hesitation when he learned of the pregnancy. However, this means he has demonstrated emotions, even if though those were not the emotions you were ready to hear. While he demonstrated emotions, he eventually chose to set them aside and he decided to be supportive.

 

I know you feel this is a personality issue, but I feel there's a difference between how he handled the pregnancy and not telling you about the hockey tickets. I feel like you're letting the doubts stirred about the pregnancy leak onto other areas of the relationship. The loneliness you felt after the miscarriage made you come up with a working theory about his personality, and now you might be setting out to try to prove or disprove it. You're letting it taint other areas of your relationship. I feel that you would be missing a very important point if you did this: the pregnancy and miscarriage happened to him too.

 

The hockey tickets seem to be an example. First of all: he didn't tell you, but from the sounds of it, was actually able to explain why he hadn't done so, and explain his emotions last night. I'm also wondering why, at 4-5 months, you both felt he should have told you about the hockey tickets. Granted, it could be part of the dynamic of your relationship to tell each other what your plans are at all times, but bf and I have been together 18 months + and if he told me: "hey honey, hope you don't mind, I made plans with the guys to go see a game tonight", my reaction would be : "Good for you, go have fun! Hope they win!" I wouldn't why he hadn't told me earlier that he had bought ticks. Unless Bf and I make specific plans to be together, he's free to do what he wants.

 

A part of me feels like right now your bf is caught in a loop of feeling guilty about anything he does. This, not only because of his past relationship, but because of how guilty he feels about not having the "proper" emotional reaction to the pregnancy and then feeling guilty about the miscarriage. I think he might be letting the guilt he feels seep into other areas of your relationship.

 

What I would recommend is that you both make a huge effort to recognize that the miscarriage and its fallout are going to take a long time to deal with, but that you both agree to forgive each other for the emotions it stirred for both of you. Agree to treat other issues separately. You say you love him - he shows you he loves you, so give yourselves that chance. Forgive him.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm genuinely asking, not disagreeing with what you said, Ruby: Is it expecting your partner to be EVERYTHING, though, in expecting him or her to be capable of discussing painful or difficult things, especially things that affect the course of your relationship? It seems to me that our partners SHOULD be the people we feel we can go to first when things get tough in life. That's part of the mutual responsibility of an intimate relationship. No?

I hear what y'all are saying, and in the past, I have bailed for similar reasons.

 

But things like this take time to improve, and it sounds to me as though he deserves some time to grow and get better at it.

 

This may be a deal breaker for D-Lish, and that is her call.

 

It's no mystery that women are much more comfortable with communication than men. Who gabs about every little problem for hours? Women, not men. I do this myself sometimes, with female friends. For me, it is therapeutic and really does help me solve problems in my life.

 

Every serious boyfriend I've had, no matter how smart, supportive, and cool, has struggled with communication anywhere from a little bit to a lot. Usually it was because they worried they would say the wrong thing, make me sad or mad. And the more serious the subject, the more uncomfortable they seemed to be talking about it. Two of them admitted to me that they were scared that if they got into any kind of verbal conflict with me, they might reveal they had done something wrong and I would leave them! For many men, honest communication is complex, scary, and hard.

[Lovelybird]

D-lish, I am sorry what happened. It must be very painful to have miscarriage. nothing we said here indeed can make you feel better. hope sharing here can at least let the things in your heart out.

 

I think D is still struggling with the thought "am I worth having a child with the man?" cause D mentioned her exh said similar thing to her, and she is still struggling with that. After pregnancy maybe D realized that she has given all to the relationship, yet her bf doesn't right now--commitment and marriage? This is why D wants out maybe. It is a painful situation.

 

While almost everyone here says her bf is a good guy, it is just difficult to hear he is not sure about having child with her when she was pregnant. He is doing services to D, that is good, but where is tangible sacrifice he made? Maybe D's expectation is far beyond what he can do right now, and her expectation is legitimate IMO. Actually i don't know why should she expect less. I think D is probably caught up between she wants a commitment, and she knows they only knew each other for a very short of time and such expectation is unrealistic? One step I can think of to solve this dilema is to slow yourself down? and see if he can meet your needs. let him work for you instead of trying to be patient and making effort to draw him out. stop this D, I don't feel like this is good for you.

 

Anyway, to be honest, i don't know what to do if I were in this situation. In order to keep sanity of my own, probably i will let all my thoughts and feelings exposed to him, and if that doesn't work, I would withdraw some. some people may support the opposite, that you should invest all you can no matter how much the other invest, I don't know about that. I think you need to protect your heart and sanity first. and D, you are an amazing woman, you deserve a man who wants ALL with you.

[heartshaped]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can only imagine how terrible this has been for you.

 

I agree that you should give yourself some time to sort your emotions out and figure out what it is you truly want to do, then, do whatever it is that you feel is best for you.

 

He does seem like a good guy, but just because someone is thoughtful and kind doesn't necessarily mean they are the right person for you. I think this communication issue is huge and whether or not he can change that, well, only time could tell, but I wouldn't give it too much time. In the end, a lack of communication will just leave you feeling more and more alone.

 

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this alone because in reality you did and that's already done some damage to the relationship. He wasn't there when you needed him to be. Even if he only gave you words of comfort or support, anything would have been better than nothing.

 

Actions are important, but at times, there are no actions that need to be taken only words that need to be spoken.

[D-Lish]

Is this very meaningful? I've been picking up some vibes from your posts of wanting to ditch and run. This kind of solidifies them more. Are you afraid, D?

 

I don't know if I am or not. I am feeling really confused.

 

I went to bed last night and I had trouble sleeping, I was trying to figure out what it is I'm really feeling. Honestly, I think it's anger. I don't want to feel anger though- I never think straight when I am angry.

 

I tossed and I turned all night, I kept waking up, and by the time I got out of bed this morning, I wanted to break up with him- and I sort of did this morning. It was the first thing I did when I got out of bed, I e-mailed him and told him I needed some space. I know some of you will slam me for not picking up the phone or having a face to face with him- but I need to remind you that we just don't interact that way... Talking to him about serious stuff is like pulling teeth, so I went the e-mail route. If I felt I could have picked up the phone and talked to him- I wouldn't be in this position.

 

I got a text about 2pm this afternoon and it was just a sad smiley --> :-(

That's all I got back from 4 paragraphs that I spent most of the night drafting in my head. I just laid everything out, and then I suggested we take a break.

 

I think he's just a surface guy, and I don't think I can live with that.

 

I can't expect him to have the same emotions about being pregnant and losing the pregnancy- I can't even expect empathy, because a man can't quite comprehend what it's like.

 

Right now, I don't feel like he's the right guy for me. I am scared of being vulnerable, but if I am going to be vulnerable, I want a little reciprocation- I'd settle for just a little.

 

Honestly? I don't know, I've been up and down all day. Something in me feels like maybe he doesn't love me. I am feeling like we went through something so heavy so early, and it's all so confusing. I know he says he loves me, but if the only thing I can ever get out of him is a "texty" sad face or a deer in the headlights look- how can I ever put my trust into that.

 

I haven't even touched on how I feel about the miscarriage.

 

I guess now that I am "talking", actually putting it down on paper, I feel like I've opened up a floodgate.

 

I've been going to work every day for over a month like an actress. I feel like I am an actress in my relationship sometimes too.

 

I don't know guys, I just don't know. I think I have a lot more thinking to do.

[whichwayisup]

Whatever you decide, it'll be the right thing for you..

 

No advice here, just a hug.