overcoming a heart break

[Good]

Hi, thanks for clicking this thread. I'll just cut to the chase.

 

I'm 19, male. I fell in love with a girl that I met a couple of months ago at the advanced individual training (AIT) program of the Army that we, as new soldiers, have to go through. It was not love at first sight. We barely even talked for the first 7 weeks of the training. I did not have any intention on finding love in that environment since, well, it is against regulation to fraternize in AIT in the first place. We began to talk in the eighth week, we became friends. I did not see her as anything more than that. And it stayed so until week 10, when we both graduated. After graduation we hugged farewell to each other and went our separate ways.

 

We stayed in touch by means of our cellphones. I missed her, so each time she called or texted it was like a present, because I live by my lonesome in this crazy city. As time passes by our conversations become more and more personal, and I was surprised to find out that she was/is suffering from clinical depression, just like I am. I felt obligated to help her get through it by being there for her, because I've suffered from depression for much longer than she had, and I knew that companies do wonders in helping alleviate depressed feelings.

 

Day in and day out I tried my best to keep her mood up, listened to what was on her mind, pretty much cheering her up from the distance. I genuinely cared for her so it was not work. That was when I started growing feelings for her. We got to the point of addressing each other with terms of endearment such as "honey" or "sweetheart". I thought it sounded ridiculous, like a typical puppy love story from highschool or something. But she started it so I just played along.

 

Weeks go by and somehow just by phone contact my feelings grew stronger and stronger for her. I wanted to tell her this but obviously, she was so far away, and we both have our own lives to navigate. We stated that we missed each other so I started arranging plans to visit her, picked dates, but by chance something always came up either on my side or her side that always broke those plans.

 

I was thinking of confessing everything through the phone. But man. How lame would that be.

 

We kept on talking to each other, she made me feel special. Until I found out that she decided to go back with her ex. Just when I thought we had "something" going on. I was decimated. I know this might sound ridiculous to many of you, it does sound ridiculous to me as well. Pathetic isn't it? I feel so hurt. I tried to reason why I feel this way, knowing that what I had was nothing more than a "crush" for her. All over a phone-based relationship. Pathetic is right.

 

I tried my best to get my mind off of this. I tried every measure that I could. Went biking with a friend. Watch movies. Cram my calculus books. Talk about this to the people that I trust. Still. I can't seem to overcome this unreasonable hurting.

 

I need help because I've never been in this situation before. I've never had a girlfriend. Heck, I've never even had this sort of feeling for a girl. I've always been an introvert, and I don't fall easily for girls. One of my friends told me to make a list of things that I do not like about her, it'll help me cope he said. Not in my life I'll ever make such a list towards anyone.

 

I don't know how to get over this feeling. I would appreciate any help that you can give.

 

Thanks for listening. I'm sorry for the fact that I haven't really posted enough to deserve my thread to be read. I read a lot of articles, and I tried to give advices or opinions but I don't think my advices would be of any help towards anyone or that my opinions would matter anyhow, since I am as inexperienced and oblivious as a child when it comes to relationships, family, or even friendships. I'll try to become a more involved loveshack member, since I think this is an amazing forum.

 

Thank you

[Lilmisus]

That's sad, but you'll get through this. I was in a similar spot before a few years ago, with the first guy I ever really had feelings for. It was a friend's friend that I never really met, just talked to day in and day out and grew to be my best friend at the time, and when I realized that we couldn't ever be anything more because of the distance, I was heartbroken. Especially when I found out he started dating other girls. So trust me, I feel ya, even if our stories aren't the same. The thing is, you have to know that you WILL feel this way again about someone in the future - most likely the near future. I used to be more of an introvert myself, so I know what I'm saying when I say that you need to put yourself more out there in order to make that come true. Break out of your shell, talk more, and before you know it, you'll have half a dozen girl's phone numbers to call and go out with, and this girl will just become a fond memory (unless of course you decide to stay friends with her, which would be great). And that advice from your friend, don't listen to that. It sounds juvenile. Just keep your mind open and your sights set straight ahead to the future and to the next girl who you'll have feelings for, who will hopefully be more available for you. It'll happen, trust me.

 

Plus, as long as you're not a troll, let your voice be heard on here. Most of the advice I give is probably considered as crap to most of those here, but I give it anyway because most people like to get different views on their problems. Plus, I just like putting my voice out there. So don't think "I don't think my advices would be of any help towards anyone or that my opinions would matter anyhow" that's too much of a negative point of view. Have some more self confidence than that.

[Good]

Thank you I really appreciate it. I'll take in your advice and see where it leads me. Thanks again!