morganism Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 sorry this is so long in advance. So a while back, I went skydiving and semi-met (noticed?) this guy. And by that, I mean we didn't officially meet or talk, but he stared at me, and I notice people who stare at me because it creeps me out, haha. Anyway, we ended up at the same bar later that night, and he was doing the staring thing again. He'd smile or make funny faces at me when I'd look at him and eventually we met when he approached me as I was talking to a friend of his. So we hung out a little bit that night before I left the bar and ran into each other quite a bit throughout the week. Mostly small talk and me freaking about a jump I was nervous about making later in the week. After the actual jump though, I ran into him again, he did a whole high five thing over me making the jump and kind of held my hand for a while after it? I thought it was weird, but I also am awesome at imagining things. ANYWAY. That evening before I went to dinner with my family, we grabbed drinks and were talking for a while... he paid for my drink, we made plans to meet up later, and we did. I returned the "drink favor" when we met up later and he started getting kind of touchy feely? Arm constantly around me, playing footsie, that kind of thing. However, later in the night, while he kept his whole thing with me up, he started chatting with another girl, dancing with her, whatever, and the guy she was with ended up getting super pissed about it and freaked on him, so when that all blew up, I checked out for the night and left. Not really sure what happened with him later in the night... he asked me to meet up with him later, but I was really ready to just go to sleep, so I didn't. He was going out of town the next morning, so I left him my number and told him to let me know when he was back so we could get together. A few nights later, he texted me and we've been texting, Facebook chatting, that kind of stuff ever since. Our conversations are mostly... playful, I guess? He teases me a lot, talks about things we should do together when he gets back, has suggested I give him a back rub, things like that... it seems all pretty flirtatious to me, but then sometimes he's really uncommunicative too. He'll spend a few days texting me non-stop and then go days without saying anything, sometimes he won't respond to me, stupid little things that really weren't bothering me much until.... the big kicker for me: we were talking the other night and out of nowhere, he tells me he has a date the next night. We're not together, so I don't expect him to NOT date, but I'm confused as to why he threw that in my face. So what do you think? Is he interested? Do you generally take a girl leaving you her phone number as a sign of interest? He makes me wonder if he even caught on to that sometimes, like he's completely oblivious to it.
curlygirl40 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 When people do things like that (telling you about a date they have) I always find it very strange. The only thing that makes sense to me is that he told you that for a reason. What was the reason? 1. To make you jealous 2. To see your reaction 3. To let you down slowly and let you know he just considers you a friend 4. He always multi dates and wants to make sure it's out in the open right up front ?? At this point in time, of course, you can assume he's dating other people as you two have nothing going on. I always think (heard) unless you've had the 'exclusive' conversation, assume the other person is dating others. BUT Why would they go out of their way to tell you about it? That I always find strange, and I think there's a reason for it, not just making small talk like you would with a friend, unless he's not at all interested. IMO if he puts it out in the open that he's dating others, and you're willing to still be flirty and give him your attention, you've then given him tacit approval that it's o.k with you. So maybe that's his game. He obviously owes you nothing at this point, but I'm sensing a player here. He's interested but maybe keeping you on the back burner for when he has nothing else going on. He likes the attention, etc. Sorry I can't be of much help, since my guess is as good as yours, but those are my thoughts.
Datura Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) Why is your main fixation on his upcoming date, but NOT on his behavior during the date both of you had? Where he was entertaining another woman? This guy is no good. High tail it out of there. Edited March 10, 2011 by Datura
Fondue Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Why is your main fixation on his upcoming date, but NOT on his behavior during the date both of you had? Where he was entertaining another woman? This guy is no good. High tail it out of there. Or maybe she wasn't showing him signs of interest/flirting back so he decided, "she's not interested in me, might as well try to make the most of it and have fun with other available women." When you spoke to him through the texts/fb/etc., how was your tone and response? Were you cute and flirty with him, or dull and 'meh'? Be honest. You might have not shown him enough interest in him so he gave up, or maybe using a last ditch effort of trying to make you jealous (this one really irritates me, why do people do this?). BUt yah, the first thing that came to me is that you didnt show him enough interest and now he's finding other things to do. And why not, really?
Author morganism Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 Or maybe she wasn't showing him signs of interest/flirting back so he decided, "she's not interested in me, might as well try to make the most of it and have fun with other available women." When you spoke to him through the texts/fb/etc., how was your tone and response? Were you cute and flirty with him, or dull and 'meh'? Be honest. You might have not shown him enough interest in him so he gave up, or maybe using a last ditch effort of trying to make you jealous (this one really irritates me, why do people do this?). BUt yah, the first thing that came to me is that you didnt show him enough interest and now he's finding other things to do. And why not, really? My tone was nowhere near as flirty as his was. I had my moments, but for the most part, no... so maybe that was the problem. who knows. You have a point. My biggest thing is it just really surprised me he shared the date thing with me... I don't expect him to not be dating, we're not in some kind of exclusive thing at this point. However, I wouldn't have ever shared something like that with him, so it's not something that makes sense to me personally. and as a side note, his behavior that night did stick out in my mind, but we weren't on a date... or I didn't consider it as such, so I've never personally wanted to make a big deal out of it. We just agreed to meet up later in the night. My group plus his group.
NoMagicBullet Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) he stared at me, ... He'd smile or make funny faces at me when I'd look at himhe did a whole high five thing... and kind of held my hand for a while after ithe started getting kind of touchy feely? Arm constantly around me, playing footsie, that kind of thing.he started chatting with another girl, dancing with her, whatever, and the guy she was with ended up getting super pissed about itOur conversations are mostly... playful, I guess?He teases me a lot, talks about things we should do together when he gets back, has suggested I give him a back rub, things like thatit seems all pretty flirtatiousthen sometimes he's really uncommunicative too. He'll spend a few days texting me non-stop and then go days without saying anything, sometimes he won't respond to me, stupid little things that really weren't bothering me much until....he tells me he has a date the next night. Looking at this behaviour, I think you have a player on your hands. Flirting, teasing, touching, being randomly uncommunicative, and especially waving other women in front of you are all signs of a player. In the player world, this combination of actions is supposed to build your attraction to him. Believe it or not, a player telling you he has a date is supposed to raise his value in your eyes and make you want him more. Also, these tactics are supposed to keep you off balance and let the player control the situation. I don't profess to be an expert on players, it's just that as recently as yesterday, I was reading up on their tactics (the game). There's a man I know who does exactly this sort of thing: he's flirted with me as well with other women in a group setting, gives attention to one woman then turns around and diverts his attention to another, is very touchy-feely, teases, and openly talks about dating or even making out with other women (at least he has to me, and I suspect he's said those things to other women, too). I can't say for sure that the guy you're talking about is truly a player, and more importantly, what his motives are. Some guys use tactics like these to build their social confidence and/or actually get a girlfriend, not simply get a lot of women into bed, although the latter seems to be the most vocal group in the Pick Up Artist (PUA) or Seduction Community. It's up to you to make your own decision about this guy and what you want to do about (or with) him. I don't suggest calling him on it, because even is he is a player, he'll likely deny it. Just remember that your attraction to him gets in the way of thinking clearly about him and his behaviour -- this is what happened to me with the guy I know. I suckered myself into thinking that the flirting and the compliments meant he was interested in me, and I wanted to believe he was interested (that's why the game works), but I've concluded that it's more about the game than me for this guy. Anyway, try to be detached and objective when looking at his behaviour, and know what it is that you want from this man, so you can decide if you want to get involved with him or not. To read some of the stuff I've read: http://www.whatdomenreallythink.com/q/is-he-a-player.php http://www.becomeaplayer.com/index.htm Edit/Update: Oh, the irony... as I was writing this post, player dude called about an event this weekend. Lucky for me, I already have other plans. Edited March 11, 2011 by NoMagicBullet Updated info
Author morganism Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 Looking at this behaviour, I think you have a player on your hands. Flirting, teasing, touching, being randomly uncommunicative, and especially waving other women in front of you are all signs of a player. In the player world, this combination of actions is supposed to build your attraction to him. Believe it or not, a player telling you he has a date is supposed to raise his value in your eyes and make you want him more. Also, these tactics are supposed to keep you off balance and let the player control the situation. I don't profess to be an expert on players, it's just that as recently as yesterday, I was reading up on their tactics (the game). There's a man I know who does exactly this sort of thing: he's flirted with me as well with other women in a group setting, gives attention to one woman then turns around and diverts his attention to another, is very touchy-feely, teases, and openly talks about dating or even making out with other women (at least he has to me, and I suspect he's said those things to other women, too). I can't say for sure that the guy you're talking about is truly a player, and more importantly, what his motives are. Some guys use tactics like these to build their social confidence and/or actually get a girlfriend, not simply get a lot of women into bed, although the latter seems to be the most vocal group in the Pick Up Artist (PUA) or Seduction Community. It's up to you to make your own decision about this guy and what you want to do about (or with) him. I don't suggest calling him on it, because even is he is a player, he'll likely deny it. Just remember that your attraction to him gets in the way of thinking clearly about him and his behaviour -- this is what happened to me with the guy I know. I suckered myself into thinking that the flirting and the compliments meant he was interested in me, and I wanted to believe he was interested (that's why the game works), but I've concluded that it's more about the game than me for this guy. Anyway, try to be detached and objective when looking at his behaviour, and know what it is that you want from this man, so you can decide if you want to get involved with him or not. To read some of the stuff I've read: http://www.whatdomenreallythink.com/q/is-he-a-player.php http://www.becomeaplayer.com/index.htm Edit/Update: Oh, the irony... as I was writing this post, player dude called about an event this weekend. Lucky for me, I already have other plans. haha, thank you. you may very well be right... it's hard to say. I wish I understood the situation better, but it is what it is.
youaretheone Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Listen to NoMagicBullet. She is a smart girl and knows what she is talking about. 2 years ago, I started reading this seduction and pickup artist stuff. I was so into it that I memorized almost all the techniques, games, tactics, etc. This guy is following exactly what a pickup artist would do. To get some idea, you can check http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/ and http://www.fastseduction.com/. Those two are like bibles of this stuff and you will see a large population of guys discussing their game there. They also share field reports, which include their experience. You might even find this guy sharing his experience with you there as a field report. What I suggest is, if you really want this guy and are confused, read some of the stuff I am talking about above and you will be firm next time when he does something similar again. I would just make sure that he is sincere and not trying to make you into a "lay report", in which these guys brag to others about how they scored some chick in bed.
NoMagicBullet Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Thanks for the compliment, youaretheone. (But if you ask me if I've ever played The Cube, I'll laugh at you! ) Greater thanks for the links, and for bringing to our attention that there are guys who are ... tacky?... enough to post stories of their conquests online. I'll probabaly think of a better word than "tacky" later. morganism: What I don't think I emphasized in my previous post is that with a player, all these things are a script. With a player, these are not spontaneous actions -- they are calculated moves. Why it's also called The Game. (Book of the same name by Neil Strauss.) The moves can be so scripted that a player knows exactly what to say, when to take her back to his apartment, what music to play at exactly what time, etc -- and every woman gets the same script. Every woman is treated the same. As an individual with thoughts, opinions, and unique qualities, you mean NOTHING when it comes to The Game. All that matters is that you are female and that you respond the way the player wants you to. It's based in psychology, and it's very effective, especially if the woman doesn't know what's going on. The goal is to have the woman wrapped around the player's little finger, to be available for sex or whatever else on his terms. The goal is for you to choose to do what he wants, which may not be what you really want or what you have decided is good for you. Like youaretheone said, make sure this guy is sincere if you are going to get involved with him. Don't just accept what he says or does at face value. Please be careful.
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