fishtaco Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Ty GOOD..It is really hard to seperate feelings at this point.My mind wants me to tell her to Piss Off...but my heart still wants her in my life.Something tells me that she cares about me,just because all of the stress I cause her.It pusehes her away. she always seems to come back.It may just all be for her emotional needs.If she does come back and I do let her back in my life,because I care about her.How should I handle it? For me, when mentally I'm thinking piss off, I will lose ALL attraction for her. I won't even want to use her purely for sex. Not worth my time. Piss off, just like what my mind was thinking. So I don't understand how you would want someone you want to piss off, to come back into your life. My theory, which I could be totally wrong, is that you want unequal abusive relationships, because that's what you are comfortable with, that's what you have an affinity for. Many times women that seek out abusive boyfriends are the same. Let's say we talk you into cutting her off. You'll just go find another woman to do the same thing to you. Repeating a pattern from the past is comfortable and familiar to you. Even if that pattern is destructive, and you know it. It's actually quite common. This is the reason self destructive people can't get out of their downward spiral. If that's the case, for your sake I hope not, I'd suggest you seek professional help.
iJester Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Just continue as is. Sooner or later you'll be of no use to her and she'll drop you, and you won't have to worry about it anymore. At this point I have no sympathy for you. Good luck.
Author chop246 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) TY FT and Jester. I know I have to distance myself from her and seek help. Edited March 12, 2011 by chop246 because
Author chop246 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 She contacted me again.She knows I am moving.She asked me how my moving was going and asked if she could help me.I have a feeling she is just checking on my mood.Maybe she is afraid I will report her.So she checks periodically,not that she really wants to see me.I wish she would just stop because every time she does I start missing her again.I thought if I just avoid her she would go away..It's not working.I still care about her so I don't have it in me to just tell her I never want to see or speak to her again.Of course I know the type of person she is now.I just wish I knew what she was thinking.I know she probably already has someone else who she's spreading her lies too..why do I care...why can't I just move on...why can't she move on?
Author chop246 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 Another update.She called me yesterday she wanted to come out and see her cat.She also asked if she could wash her clothes.Of ourse I said yes.She drove 30miles to see me.She stayed until about 8:15.We talked a little.I asked her about her bf/husband.She says she is tired of his BS and he is different.She said she missed her cat more than him.She said her cat is the only man who loves her.She also said he wants to take it slow.I asked her how she spends her time.She says she has no time for anything,but work and hangs out with her GF's.She got a couple of texts.I'm sure it was some guy..an american guy and he sent a picture.I didn't ask who it was.She got a call from her gf and she said her and her roommate were leaving to go out of town.So she would have the apt all to herself.I guess.So when she left she gave me a one-armed hug and said take care.She called when she was lost.I asked her to text me when she got home.She didn't after an hour I texted her.She said she had to get gas.I also asked her if she missed our friendship..she said yes.If so why doesn't she just tell me she does.I als feel she does not want me to come see her at her place.I keep offering ,but she does'nt want me too.She prefers to meet me or come see me.
bac Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 What did you do for her as a sponsor/(a daddy?)How old/attractive is she? How old/attractive are you?
Author chop246 Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 As a co-sponsor I just signed some paperwork agreeing to financially support her,since her husband did not make enough money.For some stupid reason I thought it was financial support only.She never told me or talked about getting married to him. Some say she is not that hot,but when went out men were always hitting on her or staring at her.I think it had a lot to do with how she dressed and carried herself.I thought she was beautiful.She has a great body and fake blonde hair.She is 24.All though her teeth are kind of jacked up. Why would she tell me her and her husband are not together and she doesn't miss him.He just spent a fortune fixing her car..that he bought her.Does she not want me to know they are back together? I remember a few weeks ago she said she wants to be single...how can she be if she is married..I don't get it..I am really worried about this co-sponsorship..I could get in big trouble if she is cheating and not with him..
Author chop246 Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Started therapy Yesterday..I hope it works.I have not talked to her for 3 days now.I don't know why I miss her,but I still do.I don't know why the thought of her dating someone bothers me.I don't know why I accepted her being with her husband,but no one else.I guess I will figure all this out soon.It's gonna be nice to post a happy story one day.
Author chop246 Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 She has not called in a week.The last time we talked I asked her if she wanted to do anything.She said maybe I could help her study.Now nothing,no texts or phone calls.She said she missed our friendship.I guess that was a lie too.She doesn't even call to check on the cat.I just dont understand it.I guess it's better this way.All though I hope she didn't get deported.I think she only wanted to help me move so she could see where I lived.
Author chop246 Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 I'm trying.It's just when I'm done..it's back to me missing her..It's tough
Author chop246 Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 I actually started writing,I get out as much as possible.It's just I used to spend everyday with her.It's like we go divorced.It's just hard to stop thinking of her.She was so sweet last time we saw each other.i thought maybe we were starting again..as friends.I just hate feeling like I was used and lied too...so much.She made me believe she cared.
carhill Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 OP, she's a pragmatist. Your hole is dry now so she moved on to the next hole. The good news is this is one of those life lessons you'll never forget.
Author chop246 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 I know it's like my therapist says.I don't fit in her plans.It's amazing how she has completely thrown me out.I know she's looking for a rich man to take care of her.Makes sense because I'm not rich and can't get her all the things she wants like a BMW and all her clothes and rent and bills.I still miss her...don't know why?
carhill Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I still miss her...don't know why? Remnants of attraction chemicals in your brain. If this experience is an anomaly, count it as good information. If part of a pattern, perhaps taking a look at your attraction style is warranted. Some LS'ers call this your 'people-picker'; the melding of your loins and your intellect.
Author chop246 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 It's funny yesterday I was miserable...today It feels as though the pain is going away.The thing I fear most...is when I'm over her,that's when she will try to come back.
carhill Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Once they've moved on and you have time to assess, it's amazing the revelations which will occur. Clarity. Once that is achieved, it's no problem for them to come back/reappear. You understand and accept exactly who and what they are to you. It's a pretty peaceful place.
MarlyStar Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 (edited) II don't want to send her back.I have known her for over a year.She is just liar and a minipulator. Just a liar and a manipulator? Don't minimize. That can destroy your life. To most people those are insurmountable barriers to a relationship of any kind including friendship. Parents cut off their own children for 'just' lying and manipulating. I'm sorry for your pain. I'm hoping she'll not call for a while so you can get stronger, so that when she shows up again, you won't have a set back. I'm glad you are doing the therapy. Very wise and strong of you. Edited April 2, 2011 by MarlyStar
Author chop246 Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Thank you.Therapy seems to be working.I still miss her like crazy.It's like I don't want her to contact me,but I do.It's all so confusing.I need to find closure to this whole situation.I really find it hard that she has not thought about me at all.It's been 2 weeks now.The longest we have gone without communicating.It used to be everyday at least 3 or 4 times.I guess that' what is the hardest to get used to.I do believe she is pragmatic.I guess she is doing what she needs to to survive,by using men to get her money.I only hope that's not true.
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