jaygirl Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 My bf and I have been dating for 8 months. I'm 25 and he's 26. We have known each other since we were 4. We haven't said "I love you" yet but I am feeling it, just have not verbalized it. BUT he makes my heart absolutely BREAK sometimes. He hates his job and I'm beginning to think he is depressed. He received a DUI a while back which I think really disappointed his family. He wants them to be proud. He is becoming such a negative person. He complains about things all the time. To get out of this negativity he turns to an alternate world and plays online video games. To the point in which he has chose them over me. It's so hurtful and he doesn't see it. When he is not playing we do have fun together. He has said I'm the only person he can be his "old self" around. He CAN be a lot of fun and a happy person, I don't know why he doesn't just choose this outlook ALL the time? We had a huge talk last night and I just want him to be happy. I don't know if it is worth continuing this relationship. I care SOO much about him and haven't felt like this before (even though I was in a 6.5 year relationship previously). I'm not ready for this to end...do you think he is?
silvermane187 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 How would we know if he wants to end the relationship? Bring up your feelings to him directly and you will get your answer. The longer you hide your thoughts about wanting to break up with him the worse it's going to be. How often is he playing games? If he's playing warcraft 12 hours a day you might have a point. If he's playing a few hours a night instead of watching TV I don't see the problem. Video games are just another form of entertainment. So yea, be completely honest ASAP or you're just gonig to make it much worse. Don't start it off by saying "I think we should break up" unless you're positive thats what you want. But once you know that's what you want don't be a coward and just end it instead of dragging it out for weeks/months/years or you'll have turned him into a bitter resentment angry person like me.
Author jaygirl Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 That's exactly what I don't want. I don't want to break up. He's playing his game (similar one to warcraft) about 3 hours a night. But the thing is he's at work for 11 hours every day. He doesn't get home until later so we don't have a ton of time to spend together. Maybe I'm being too needy (I never want to be that needy girlfriend). I just want him to have a more positive outlook and realize that there is good in the world. He should be happy and not have to rely on that game all the time. I hope you are not really a bitter angry person because of a relationship!
silvermane187 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 3 hours a night isn't that bad. How many hours a night do you watch TV/reading/knitting(lol)? But you're right that there needs to be a healthy balance between "me" time and relationship time. If you really do love each other it's just a matter of communicating and finding the right balance. If you really loved him then a little rough patch like this wouldn't be worth considering breaking up.
Author jaygirl Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 Well he comes home at 6:30 then eats and showers which brings him to 7:30. Then he will play for several hours and it's late by the time he is done. But sometimes we will watch a movie or play a game anyway but it's hard. I spend my time online mostly, chatting with friends, baking, very little TV, but I do sew (not knit lol). Thanks, I really do care and do not want to break up. It just seemed last night like he was done. I told him in a text that I didn't want to be coming over late all the time, and he said fine, whatever. I asked if he was mad and he said "night." Then he wouldn't write back when i asked what's wrong and wouldn't answer when I called. That's why I went over late after not hearing anything from him in over an hour and we hugged then talked. He just seems like he is in a negative rut and I want to help him get out of it and be happy again. He said that I'm the only one he can be his old self around, like carefree and let himself have fun and not get in a pessimistic mood. Hopefully things can work out. I know I'm not ready to give it up, I really hope that he is not either...
silvermane187 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Well jsut tell him things have to change when it comes to the effort he's putting in to the relationshop or you're going to consider that it's not going to work out. It takes effort from both sides to make a relationship work.
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