girlie908 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Hey guys! Just wanted to say thanks for all your support and help throughout the years...I'm only 23 and have had two long term boyfriends, so I'm pretty much naive to how to date, let along in a long distance relationship. Anyways, if you wanna know my situation with my guy now, read my previous thread in this forum. Well it has been three weeks since then, many skype dates, and daily phone calls, and I find myself falling, hard. Now I'm just unsure how to proceed. I like my guy, a lot. He tells me he really likes me all the time and says Im a big catch. Just to reiterate, he's 28, just started his own business in the states, is pretty successful, etc..and I'm still a medical student abroad. I'm going home in 2 weeks, and he is planning on buying a ticket for me to visit him in his state when I get home, yet hasn't bought it yet. Anyways, what brings me here is I don't know how to proceed, or if I should just let myself fall. I can see myself really falling for this guy, but we are super long distance, and will be for at least the next 2 years. He can fly around a lot cuz he has money, but still....I'm a student. And he's older, so he is probably looking to settle down a lot sooner than I am. Also, he talks about the future, or "our future", fairly often. He has said we would have smart, hot, and athletic kids. I have spoken to his dad on the phone, and his brother through skype. He says things like "I'll be there to always make sure you study" as if throughout my entire med career, and says things like we will have a big house and that he'll cook dinner when I'm tired from work, and encourages me to be a neurosurgeon so he can be a stay at home dad. He also goes on vacations a lot, so I call him a jet setter, and he said that I can jet set with him too, and that he knows he will see me a lot this summer and I just don't know it yet. Do I take any of this seriously...I know he is just talking, but its kind of weird for me since I used to just ignore it, but now I don't know if I should play along, or what. But is he just completely joking? Should I say something about it? I like him a lot, but have my guard up since this all seems too good to be true and I guess I don't have much faith in long distance relationships.....do guys usually joke about the future? I guess I'm just young and naive. any help or advice would be greatly appreciated
folieadeux Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Welcome back. I think the only way you're going to have all of your questions answered is if you go ahead with your meeting. Getting to know each other better really is the only way. It's unfortunate but alot of guys (and girls for that matter) do play games and can and do joke around about the future. The only way to know if he's serious and whether or not your different lifestyles will be compatible in the long run would be to keep on keeping on...you'll know if something doesn't add up. Best of luck to you both.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 it's best to consult him how to proceed. you cannot make a plan just by yourself. meet and discuss your feelings. then tell him your original plan (2 years of studying), his thought on it and expectations. did he formally introduce you to his dad and brother? i think it's a good indication. if he talks a lot about the future, it is a good sign.
Author girlie908 Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 hey guys! thanks for the replies!! now im even more confused!! so before he was talking all this lovey-dovey future nonsense, but then up until 2 days ago, he started acting standoffish and more aloof. we had been talking about him buying me a ticket to visit him in his home state, and then 2 days ago when he actually thought about purchasing it, that's when his attitude towards me started to change. he stopped being sweet with me and didn't contact me as much. up until 2 days ago, he called me everyday since we parted. but then while he was purchasing the ticket, he came up with excuses that he was tired and had to get up early for work so he couldn't talk long. yesterday i got an email for a confirmation for the flight. so i was happy so i messaged him. again he didn't really act like he was excited. it was more like "i work, it made sense to buy a ticket for you". then we chatted for a little, and then again, no phone call. not even an explanation. i'm really weirded out bc his actions aren't normal for him. it's my exam week as well so i'm pretty stressed out, but being stressed about this guy isn't helping. i'm kind of doing my own thing but at the same time wondering if he will say anything to me, or if i'm just overreacting or what not. any help would be realllly appreciated. gosh, i do not understand men. ;p should i mention something to him? wait for him to contact me? i mean obviously he's interested since he bought me a ticket, right? then why the sudden change of attitude?
folieadeux Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Given the nature of his hot and cold responses, I honestly couldn't even begin to venture a guess here. It's one thing if it's usually like him to not be emotional, but to go back and forth, that's a whole different issue. You already confronted him about it so I wouldn't do it again...that would probably come across badly to him. I'd like to think that if he took the initiative to get you a ticket then that means everything is fine and dandy, but you just never know. I say just go about your life as is and give him some space...focus on your exams. If you feel he's still acting weird come visit time, you have nothing to lose. He bought the ticket so you won't be the one out anything and there's nothing set in stone that says you have to make the trip if you don't feel right about it for whatever reason.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 hi girlie, LDR setup and this "relationship" is pretty new, so expect flaking out, hot-and-cold behavior. ask yourself, you are also unsure how to proceed right? he might be feeling the same and just guarding his feelings. it helps if you have zero expectations. sometimes we try to analyze the guys' actions and compare it with our expectations and ideals. but they don't always match which leads to frustrations. wait until he visit and prove his worth to you. from there you discuss about what you have to do.
Author girlie908 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 hey all! so i went ahead on my trip and visited him in his hometown! overall it was a good trip. i stayed with him and went to work with him. met all his coworkers, some friends, and had dinner with his entire family, twice. we walked around holding hands and basically acted like a couple. i got home and was depressed since i missed him, but since we didn't discuss our relationship status, i thought i'd bring it up the next day. i called him and i brought it up. overall he said he thought we were "casually dating" and that he didn't want to hold me back because of the distance. i having just come back from visiting and meeting his entire family (he paid for the flight/everything on the trip) felt a bit taken aback, since i dont consider any of that "casual". i was considering just ending things but he kept calling so i decided to just roll with it. a week later after visiting some friends in nyc and bos, im still unsettled. he called me a couple of times when he was drunk cuz he was in vegas over the weekend, and he basically just said that he really liked me, and had reoccurring dreams of us being married and having kids. ugh who says that? how do you casually date someone long distance? what's the point? so now im left here wondering whats goin on with us. i feel like im already in too deep and may need to get out soon if nothing further is gonna go on between us. am i jumping the gun? trying to ask too much of him too soon? we've been talking everyday since feb, he paid for my trip to seattle and i visited him for a week. he tells me that he really really likes me and jokes about our kids and future, but says that it's casual and that he wouldn't mind if i dated other people?? i don't know. what to do. so if he says he wants nothing seirous then do i end things? i probably should right, just to make sure i don't end up getting too hurt in the end...le sigh.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 hi again! well, hmnn...the decision is really up to you but you can answer this by asking yourself questions: do you want to be "exclusive"? not necessarily with him but let's say you have other options than him to choose from, who would you choose? the one who can offer you exclusivity or him (because of the things you like about him)? it's really hard to put a label in this kind of long distance setup so if you are not into multi-dating and you are seeking a long-term relationship, it is best to get out now. you can however lay your cards down (this is not asking him or pressuring him to comply with what you want but telling him what you are looking for), see what he says about it and from there you can judge if it's worth taking a leap of faith or not. honestly, with my relationship i was the one who brought it up if we're dating or not lol. but prior to that we have discussed if we are free to date someone else and whatnot. well, i was pretty honest and told him i like him so much so it would hurt knowing if he would date someone else...but then i cannot blame him for it because of the distance.
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