angielove Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 There is this guy who I vaguely know through friends of friends. He is on my facebook but I never see him in real life. He seems like a very nice person and I would like to get to know him better. I had wanted to ask him out for a while but always chickened out. Well, today I did ask him out. Over email. And he hasn't responded, even though he was online. I have a feeling he is going to reject me. I'm nice and intelligent and quite attractive... or so people tell me. My friends say he would be crazy to say no (and I love them dearly for the self esteem boost) but I can't shake the feeling. So, as a pre-emptive attempt to soften the blow, please list reasons why you think a guy would say no in this situation. PS. he does not have a girlfriend.
zetkin Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 You didn't describe the situation that well, but so far the reasons I see for his rejection are: 1. He doesn't know you, and is not interested to get to know you. 2. He knows you and does not like you. It doesn't mean he feels negative about you, he just doesn't feel positive. What I say myself in this kind of situations is "I am not a dollar for everybody to like me. I will meet somebody who will like me, soon".
oaks Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I have a feeling he is going to reject me. I'm nice and intelligent and quite attractive... or so people tell me. My friends say he would be crazy to say no (and I love them dearly for the self esteem boost) but I can't shake the feeling. So, as a pre-emptive attempt to soften the blow, please list reasons why you think a guy would say no in this situation. Because he's telepathic, too, and already knows that you're looking for reasons for this to fail. What I really mean is: be more positive.
TigerCub Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 There is this guy who I vaguely know through friends of friends. He is on my facebook but I never see him in real life. He seems like a very nice person and I would like to get to know him better. Have you ever interacted with him in real life? Do you interact with each other on facebook? What makes him seem like a nice person? (isn't that just code for he's cute) I had wanted to ask him out for a while but always chickened out. Well, today I did ask him out. Over email. And he hasn't responded, even though he was online. I have a feeling he is going to reject me. I'm nice and intelligent and quite attractive... or so people tell me. My friends say he would be crazy to say no (and I love them dearly for the self esteem boost) but I can't shake the feeling. So, as a pre-emptive attempt to soften the blow, please list reasons why you think a guy would say no in this situation. PS. he does not have a girlfriend. I think it all depends on how much you interact. If you've talked before - then if he's not interested, it would be due to the fact that he doesn't think you guys have much in common - you didn't grab his attention. If you didn't talk much, then maybe he's just not attracted to you. or, if anything, maybe he has a crush on the friend of yours that he's friends with. You don't know - it could be a lot of things. Also, just because the guy didn't reply right the same second he got your email, doesn't mean that he's not going to reply. Maybe he's taking his time to reply so he doesn't look desperate. Have some confidence, be more positive and see what happens. Good luck
somedude81 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 What did your message say? Can you paste it here? Edit out the names.
SpinScratch Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Maybe he wants to say yes but is shy. Maybe he's not sure because he doesnt really know you (you said you never see him). Or maybe the answer is just no.
Cee Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I would give him more time to respond before you feel rejected. Even if he's interested, he probably won't get back to you until tomorrow or later. I've approached men twice in the way you described. These were guys who got on my Facebook, but we never met. In my message, I said I thought what he posted was interesting and asked him out for coffee to meet in real life. Both said yes and we dated for a bit. Didn't work out because we didn't have chemistry, but I'm glad I did it. Why beat yourself up? Congratulate yourself for taking a risk. Good for you.
elaina Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 So, as a pre-emptive attempt to soften the blow, please list reasons why you think a guy would say no in this situation. PS. he does not have a girlfriend. He may like someone else. For some people, when they have their hearts set on someone else, nobody else can get close. That's how I am. If I like someone already, then I have no interest in whoever shows interest in me (except for the person I like.)
Author angielove Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 You didn't describe the situation that well We really do not know each other at all. Years ago, during a period of time when I was better friends with these "friends of friends", I would see him very rarely and probably spoke to him about 4 times. Since then, I have bumped into him ONCE in real life (we had a friendly chat but that was it) and I have talked to him twice on facebook (but only small things like commenting on his status). What makes him seem like a nice person? (isn't that just code for he's cute) Haha! He is a little cute, but that's not the reason I just always thought he was so genuinely nice to people. And we have all the same values etc. What did your message say? Can you paste it here? Edit out the names. I gave him my number and said he should give me a call if he ever wants to hang out because it would be nice to catch up. Nothing too full on! Now that I think about it... the message didn't really require a response. But I feel in that situation, a response would be nice as I basically asked him out. So I've got the following reasons so far: - Not interested in getting to know me - Doesn't like me - Telepathic - Not attracted to me - Likes someone else - Too shy - Doesn't know me well enough All very good reasons. Unfortunately this exercise has made me feel worse... not better lol! I would have prefered reasons like "you are too awesome and beautiful for him to even think he is worthy" I think the last reason is probably true. I would be REALLY unsure if some random asked me out over facebook. I felt awkward doing it. But I didn't know what else to do! I never ever see him in real life, and I reeeeaaalllyyy want to get to know him
Author angielove Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 I would give him more time to respond before you feel rejected. Even if he's interested, he probably won't get back to you until tomorrow or later. I've approached men twice in the way you described. These were guys who got on my Facebook, but we never met. In my message, I said I thought what he posted was interesting and asked him out for coffee to meet in real life. Both said yes and we dated for a bit. Didn't work out because we didn't have chemistry, but I'm glad I did it. Why beat yourself up? Congratulate yourself for taking a risk. Good for you. And Cee, thank you for your support! Even if he does say 'no' or just flat out ignores me, at least I gave it a try
fishtaco Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Meh, when you ask people out, sometimes you'll get rejected. That's just how it is. I like to use this analogy. We all have a card, like from a deck of poker cards. It's secret. No one shows it. But the only way you can get a date, is if the person you ask, happen to have the same card as you do. So it really has nothing to do with attractive or intelligent or even being a good person. If the card doesn't match, that person will say no. So first give this guy some time to respond. Second, if he turned out to be not interested, it's no big deal. It just means your card and his card didn't match. But kudos for having the courage to ask.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) If a girl I vaguely knew through friends of friends asked me out on Facebook, I would be like "who is this desperate girl and why is she asking me out for no apparent reason." And I would probably not respond right away, instead I'd ask the closest friend of mine we had in common "uhh, _____ just asked me out on Facebook. LOL. Do you know anything about that?" And apparently from what you have said, they wouldn't know. So it would just be kind of weird. The unfortunate stigma for girls is if they ask a guy out, they may be seen as either desperate or pushy, unless they have enough in their favor to disprove those assessments. And if it's someone they don't know very well, definitely seems desperate. So, I think you dun goofed. A better way would have been to just try to "casually" chat him up on facebook first, casually meaning once in a while but not incessantly. As for what to do now, probably don't do anything for a while, just let it be for at least a week, maybe 2 weeks. After that try to chat him once when he's on, you'll have to somehow mention your message (otherwise it would look even worse) but just act like it's not a big deal. If he DOES respond to your message and brushes you off, well it depends what is said, but again I'd just leave it be for some amount of time. I like to use this analogy. We all have a card, like from a deck of poker cards. It's secret. No one shows it. But the only way you can get a date, is if the person you ask, happen to have the same card as you do. Cute. I think my card reads "Eleventeen of Never." Edited March 11, 2011 by ChessPieceFace
dispatch3d Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 So I've got the following reasons so far: - Not interested in getting to know me - Doesn't like me - Telepathic - Not attracted to me - Likes someone else - Too shy - Doesn't know me well enough haha it's pretty interesting that you are so open and methodical about how to approach this situation. What could you possibly get out of listing all the reasons for someone not to like you? Like imagine if I had to do an assignment. So I do the assignment then hand it in early. Then since I have extra time I list the 10 reasons I should get a low grade on my assignment. Wouldn't really be too productive (in my mind).
somedude81 Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I gave him my number and said he should give me a call if he ever wants to hang out because it would be nice to catch up. Nothing too full on! Now that I think about it... the message didn't really require a response. But I feel in that situation, a response would be nice as I basically asked him out. LOL! I'm sorry but that was bad. Honestly, if some guy you barely knew sent you that message would you reply? You should have sent him a message like, "Hi I'm Angie, I'm friends with (mutual friend.) Hey we have (something in common or he does something cool) would you want to hang out sometime? So love, it's not about you, but your approach.
fishtaco Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 If a girl I vaguely knew through friends of friends asked me out on Facebook, I would be like "who is this desperate girl and why is she asking me out for no apparent reason." And I would probably not respond right away, instead I'd ask the closest friend of mine we had in common "uhh, _____ just asked me out on Facebook. LOL. Do you know anything about that?" And apparently from what you have said, they wouldn't know. So it would just be kind of weird. I wouldn't. I would check her out and see if I like her. If I think she's cute, why not. I don't mind women asking me out at all. Although if she's a complete random stranger, I'd think she's spam. But if there's a friend's friend connection, then I'd take a good look at her. Either way, even if I don't like her, I'd feel complimented. Maybe I'm too practical, I don't know. As a man, I want to increase my chances, my opportunities. And the best opportunities are ones like this where the woman asks you out. I didn't even have to put in any effort. It's free! So why would I want to discourage this from happening by acting as if that's a bad thing? Kind of counter productive. I like the world where women ask men out as often as men ask women out. That'd be great.
Author angielove Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 haha it's pretty interesting that you are so open and methodical about how to approach this situation. What could you possibly get out of listing all the reasons for someone not to like you? Yeah I know, I'm weird like that. I guess it just helps me understand the situation from someone else's perspective so I won't be so angry when he rejects me lol. Honestly, if some guy you barely knew sent you that message would you reply? I would do exactly what fishtaco would do! I'd have a look at his profile, and see if he was sane and attractive. I have actually said yes to a complete stranger who asked me out over facebook. We ended up dating for 3 months. And this guy now, it's not even like we're complete strangers! He knows who I am, and we have spoken before. I wouldn't. I would check her out and see if I like her. If I think she's cute, why not. I don't mind women asking me out at all. Although if she's a complete random stranger, I'd think she's spam. But if there's a friend's friend connection, then I'd take a good look at her. Either way, even if I don't like her, I'd feel complimented. Maybe I'm too practical, I don't know. As a man, I want to increase my chances, my opportunities. And the best opportunities are ones like this where the woman asks you out. I didn't even have to put in any effort. It's free! So why would I want to discourage this from happening by acting as if that's a bad thing? Kind of counter productive. I like the world where women ask men out as often as men ask women out. That'd be great. Thank you fishtaco, that made me feel not so creepy lol!
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