petal11 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 help... i think im going mad.. i want to contact him so much but i know that would be disastrous..and i have to be strong breakup 6 weeks ago no contact for 5 weeks then last week he emails and calls on tues night.. why do they do that ???) wants to clear the air between us and wants(of course) to be friends..hA THAT'S SO HE CAN FEEL GOOD AND BE THE GOOD PERSON what a load of crap.. he has met someone else and says they have a future together..that is shattering and my trust and faith in him is shredded how can you get over a long term realtionship in 6 weeks???????.... it is just awful.. the last 6 weeks have been so tough.. and he says he is hurting too..what a wanker!!!!!!!!!!! spoke to a counsellor the other day, he was helpful and i can see that i can grieve fully now (before this i didnt áccept fully what was happening (break via a text message!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after 8 years friendship and loving relationship.. because he couldnt deal with it..........ha and he is so mature. i feel so sad so old and alone and cant even contemplate meeting anyone else and he's moved on.... got some light sleeping tabs to help me sleep and will function better.. busy weekend coming uo thats good.. the hardest times are weekends..
Nick71 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Hi Petal I'm pretty much exactly where you are on the timescale & feelings to break contact. I don't know if she has met someone else yet, the break up was for family reasons but I think I would not even want to see her again with that feeling of disgust inside me if I discovered she had a new lover. I'm still battling with the dilemna 'is knowing nothing better than knowing the worst?' I don't think anyone can get over a LTR in 6 weeks, either he'd checked out a while back & had time to heal without you knowing or perhaps his true feelings are being masked by a rebound relationship. I don't think decent human beings would do either of those, I certainly wouldn't. I share all your feelings & know how destructive they are. I have no answers for you, so sorry petal, just wanted you to know you are not alone and maybe someone else will come along soon with some encouragement . . . I hope :/ I was left 2 weeks before my 40th birthday by my 28 yo fiancee, by email & including the line to 'go and meet women my own age', can't tell you how that makes me feel so old I'm not looking forward to the weekend either, just taking a coffee at work but then back to it which keeps me distracted, evenings are bad but weekends just suck ! Don't give him the satisfaction of clearing his guilt by contacting him.
Author petal11 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 thanks nick for your support. it does hlp to know that other people are experiencing the same feelings.. no contact is best now, i just need to focus on me and start changing my life. its the letting go of hopes and dreams and expectations that is the hardest. i had a lot of dreams i thouht we wolld be together for the rest of our lives.. i thought he was a kind and caring person he's not the man i thought he was.... work was better today managed to stay focussed, tues i cracked up big time and was totally dysfunctional on wed. fortunately have great and supportive colleagues friends and family.. i know that loss of love makes you stronger.. and i wwill come through this it just takes time.. ha as my gramp used to say ''the more you weep the less you pee''
Nick71 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Getting rid of the hope is the hardest thing for me Everytime I get an sms/email/doorbell etc. I find myself fearful but hopeful that it is her, she will put an end to this desperation. But of course it never is & never likely to be, if she's not missing me enough to bother contact after 6 weeks then it is obviously much easier for her. I'm struggling not to contact her on a daily/hourly basis but she has probably already moved on, if she was feeling like me I know she would have made some effort by now. This evening I have some optimism. After lapsing at the weekend & drowning my sorrows with spirits & cigarettes (after 2 months off) I decided to do something about it. This morning I have been to the sports supermarket next to work & bought a pretty nice exercise bike with all the calorie computer etc. I have a daily routine of watching discovery channel as soon as I get home for an hour to unwind & then I take a shower & prepare dinner. I usually spend this hour with an alcoholic drink & a cigarette too whereas from tonight I shall be cycling for an hour while unwinding from the day. I've heard a lot of good reports on the benefits of getting some exercise during these tough times and after making plenty of excuses to this point I shall now see what the fuss is all about! Keep posting and reading others' plight Petal, I'm not sure why it helps to read other people's grief but somehow it does. I think it takes away the desperate loneliness, just a little, but enough to focus better. Take care
dressing up Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 help... i think im going mad.. i want to contact him so much but i know that would be disastrous..and i have to be strong breakup 6 weeks ago no contact for 5 weeks then last week he emails and calls on tues night.. why do they do that ???) wants to clear the air between us and wants(of course) to be friends..hA THAT'S SO HE CAN FEEL GOOD AND BE THE GOOD PERSON what a load of crap.. he has met someone else and says they have a future together..that is shattering and my trust and faith in him is shredded how can you get over a long term realtionship in 6 weeks???????.... it is just awful.. the last 6 weeks have been so tough.. and he says he is hurting too..what a wanker!!!!!!!!!!! spoke to a counsellor the other day, he was helpful and i can see that i can grieve fully now (before this i didnt áccept fully what was happening (break via a text message!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after 8 years friendship and loving relationship.. because he couldnt deal with it..........ha and he is so mature. i feel so sad so old and alone and cant even contemplate meeting anyone else and he's moved on.... got some light sleeping tabs to help me sleep and will function better.. busy weekend coming uo thats good.. the hardest times are weekends.. I'm sorry you're hurting. I can totally identify. Though my situation isn't the same and probably doesn't warrant so much hurt, it's not always been easy. But NC is the best course of action for you now, I reckon. I hope you stay on track and heal soon.
dressing up Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Everytime I get an sms/email/doorbell etc. I find myself fearful but hopeful that it is her, she will put an end to this desperation. You've taken the words out of my mouth. I feel this too though as time passes, probably less.
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