Cassandra92 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Not sure if this is exactly the right place to post this... I just need to know there are other people out there who feel like me! My ex boyfriend was the first person I have been truly intimate with, and I was his first too. We were still quite young, and getting to be that comfortable with somebody for the first time and letting them get to know you in that way is exhilarating and a feeling I think you only experience once in your life. I have no regrets, what we shared and learnt together was amazing. But now we are apart, I feel like I will never be able to open up to somebody like that again. I know that is a rather limiting way to think, but he is still the only person I can picture myself with, intimately or otherwise. It really showed me how special sex can be. My friends are encouraging me to get out there and test the waters with somebody else, but I just don't want to. Coming from being in a secure relationship to suddenly being single again, I look at all the people having meaningless sex (there are quite a few people at my age), and I know I do not want a part of that. It is just not me. If I am to be with somebody else again, I would not want to rush into anything. It's important to me. It's personal and I think it should be shared between two people who truly love each other. I'm not religious in any way, and I hope it doesn't sound like I'm preaching. Everybody has different ideas on things and that is fine. But does anybody else here feel the same way as me?
new0726 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I used to feel the exact same way you do now. I had a girlfriend for 4 years and we were each others firsts for everything. And we always thought it would be strange to be with someone else much less be with someone else intimately. But after 2 years of being apart now and having a new girlfriend for about 5 months now....things have seemed to change. I do feel that sex is definitely something to be shared between people that love each other. I still do not find meaningless sex appealing whatsoever. But I do think it is possible to share that special bond with more than one person in your life. Society just doesn't live up to the same standards that it used to. I never want to sleep around or see how many people I can sleep with, definitely not. But it is okay to try and love again...and I think that with time and safely and at your own pace testing the waters...you will see it too. I hope things get better and everything works out for you. Take it at your own pace! Good luck and I wish you the best.
Hhhh Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I do, It should mean something. I have only been with my ex girlfriend which ended six months. It is also not me to have meaningless sex even though I had the opportunity, I declined because that is not who I am.
fresh8 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I feel the same as you. I never had sex with my first girlfriend of 2 years because she is Christian. After we broke up, I was single for about 2 years. In that time, I did not have sex with anyone. It's not that I didn't want it but in my mind, I always told myself that if I had waited 2 years already - I could wait until I found someone that I cared about enough to have her be my first. My friends always laughed at guys who couldn't get laid and all that so I never admitted it (the fact I was a virgin) to anyone. Throughout the time between girlfriends, there were plenty of times I could have done it. A handful of times, girls invited me over and we'd be on the bed but I never let it go much further because I wasn't in a relationship with them at the time. In the end, I started dating my ex who had had a number of ex-partners. For a moment at the start of our relationship, I felt a bit insecure about it but I got over it and admitted to her my situation. She said she was surprised because she thought I'd be the kind of guy who would sleep around. I explained to her that I believed there was a difference between sex and making love and that I was more interested in the latter. She seemed to appreciate what I was saying and asked if I was sure I wanted her to be my first. Anyways, fast forward a few months, she asked me if I told my friends about 'our sex life'. I said no and I asked her the same question. I was quite surprised what she told me. She told me that I had changed her view on sex and that in the past she always told her friends about what she did. However, with us, she did not tell people because for the first time in her life she was not 'just having sex' and she was 'making love'. And the fact that it was more than sex made it more private. I really appreciated it when she said that.
huskers11 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I feel the same way! I used to think my ex was the only one I could see in my future, and I definitely still want him as my future, but I know there's a great chance that won't happen and I can see a future without him as well now! I learned a LOT about intimacy from him and I am so grateful for that! I want that kind of intimacy back! For me, knowing I was the only one with him in that way and got to see him in that light was such a turn on! I don't believe sex is a huge deal that should only happen when people are in love but I don't believe in all of the random hook ups especially not now after being with my ex. It is a very personal thing and it should be shared with someone you care about(not necessarily in love with) and there should be some kind of commitment there! It kind of scares me how loose of an attitude people have towards sex with all of the STDs out there. It is a real problem and everyone should be more concerned and careful about it in my opinion!
Author Cassandra92 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 It's nice to know there are other people out there like me I don't think I could ever be with somebody who had such a casual attitude to sex like a lot of people these days do - to me that's unattractive and unsafe.
Beeotch Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Not sure if this is exactly the right place to post this... I just need to know there are other people out there who feel like me! My ex boyfriend was the first person I have been truly intimate with, and I was his first too. We were still quite young, and getting to be that comfortable with somebody for the first time and letting them get to know you in that way is exhilarating and a feeling I think you only experience once in your life. I have no regrets, what we shared and learnt together was amazing. But now we are apart, I feel like I will never be able to open up to somebody like that again. I know that is a rather limiting way to think, but he is still the only person I can picture myself with, intimately or otherwise. It really showed me how special sex can be. My friends are encouraging me to get out there and test the waters with somebody else, but I just don't want to. Coming from being in a secure relationship to suddenly being single again, I look at all the people having meaningless sex (there are quite a few people at my age), and I know I do not want a part of that. It is just not me. If I am to be with somebody else again, I would not want to rush into anything. It's important to me. It's personal and I think it should be shared between two people who truly love each other. I'm not religious in any way, and I hope it doesn't sound like I'm preaching. Everybody has different ideas on things and that is fine. But does anybody else here feel the same way as me? I feel the same. Unlike you, I did the "casual sex" thing before...and there is no such thing really. I am over that and actually have not been intimate like that in like 15 months and decided that until I'm in a relationship or have emotional intimacy with someone I won't be doing that. Thought it would be hard...but was quite easy because I want intimacy (emotional) more than I want sex...and I know once the sex is fulfilled and the intimacy isn't I'll feel lacking so it has been quite easy for me to be celibate. You should not "test the waters" if you don't want to...all you'll do is get used up . Not many people hold your views but it is nothing to be ashamed of as many people out there sexing it up randomly, are pretending it is no big deal and so great when in fact it isn't....so stick to what feels right to you! You can't lose by respecting yourself. As for no one but the ex, that is just your current perception....one day you will meet someone new who takes you to greater heights and who you can be intimate with.
b18c1 Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Thank you all. I am a young male who doesn't find casual sex appealing. My buddies are all "horndogs." They sleep with any girl they can get with basically. I for some strange reason, find sex to be a special thing. I want to say thank you to everyone who prizes their sexual experiences. I have gotten so depressed because I refuse to just sleep around time to time. It makes me feel so different from other peers. I am not a virgin but I always found emotional attachment to be hand in hand with a sexual experience. I wish to find a lady one day who views sex as something special. So all you people who look for that connection gives me hope and makes me understand that I am not alone...but rather just a minority! Thank you.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Oh my gosh: I am so happy to learn there are so many guys out there like this! I have had a problem with being sexually compulsive over the years but I have only had a veeerrryy low number if actual sex partners and have really craved that special one-on-one sexual relationship that was connected with someone special to me! My husband and I have not been able to develop this thus far and it has actually severely impacted my self-esteem and quality of life. If I become single again I am very confident that I would not engage on casual sex no matter how lonely or horny I got. I miss feeling that connection so so much, I fear that I may never find it again :(
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