blindedman Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Let me start by saying hi to the whole loveshak.org forum and say that your the best place I have found so far for this sort of information. My girlfriend and I are 18 and 20 respectively. We have dated for a year now with only a few minor trust issues coming along the way. Lately it's been a bit of another story. I'll start by saying how I know it's wrong and an invasion of privacy. I can justify that with the past trust issues[with her] if i must. I went through her phone the other night [means that i dont trust her] and what I had taken from it was that she still loves him in a friend way and feels bad for not being a good girlefriend. He is her ex so it brought up a few issues with me. Now I may be my suspicious but I feel once there your ex there your ex. I understand there were close but I believe our relationship has more importance over theirs. If she is truly over him, and its not something carried from her old relationship with him that she now calls "brother love" I think I can rest. I'd like to trust her. I feel bad going through her phone. I know its a violation of privacy but felt the past circumstances with her helped me to convince myself it was necessary. Otherwise I need the opinion of the masses to formulate my opinion. Thanks for reading and feel free to ask anything -Thanks
mishaps Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Hi blindedman you are right going through he phone says you don't trust her but what are the past issues that make you not trust her? I believe you can be friends with your ex depending on how you broke up. I hope that if I break up with my gf we will says friend. If she says it is brother love then fair enough being with someone you do have a bond and sometimes a great friendship can come out of that. It's still a kind of love and affection. If you believe your relationship is greater then trust those instincts.
Author blindedman Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 The initial trust issues sprung up nearly instantaneously when I discovered that she had been with some guy [who I have had issues with in the past, him being a notorious womanizer and liar] to an abandoned hospital building with two other friends of his. This rightly freaked me out and not a week later she lets a different friend [of mine but no more] borrow her mother's vehicle to go buy some illicit substances and driving it around with his red bandanna in the front acting like some gangster. I felt after taking in both of those events, losing most trust with her and started being suspicious, there was little positive way to react to this next situation. When I discovered she was going to strangers houses with friends of mine she barely knew I lost it.[related to previous event] A part of me was really ready to be done with this drama. It gets more complicated when I tell you great loveshakians that were in a heavy D/s [Dominant/submissive] relationship. She had to be punished for her wrong doings and I wanted to correct how naive she was. Being realistic there is little punishment I can dish out here. These for the most part are her decisions and she's her own person. I'm not going to blindly charge at changing her but there must be something to do besides nudge her in the direction I wish. [i request that you polish your flames for D/s if you have any ] Ultimately I don't feel this gentleman is a short-term threat at all. He will be serving in the US Army the next 3 years. The issues come up with myself like this.. Is it ok for them to be friends? Can you be friends with an ex and not have ulterior motives? As always any feedback is welcome and I will try to give this forum some more of my time. -Thank you all
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