AA11390 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) so I went on a first date with this girl I was interested in while I was home from college for a weekend. Date went very well, but there was no opportunity to make a move. Nevertheless, I wont be home to go on a 2nd date for another week or so..keep in mind I've already been back in school for 2 weeks since the date. anyway, we text eachother practically every day, sometimes for long periods of time, and we talk on the phone every few days for long periods of time. I like the fact that I am building comfort with her, I just hate that its through technology bc I feel that without that personal touch of being face to face, I am doomed to be in the friend zone before I even get to go on a 2nd date. Do you guys not agree? I really do like this girl, and don't want to ruin things before I get back, but at the same time I want to keep the potential flowing..do I just continue what we are doing now, or should I play a little bit dirty by not returning her texts or calls for longer periods of time? I would like to avoid playing these dirty mind tricks especially since she doesn't do it to me, but unless u guys think im not diving into the friend zone, i dont see another option... Edited March 10, 2011 by AA11390
race_engine Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 i wouldn't worry about it, technology really has nothing to do with her decision to put you in the friend zone or the "potential bf zone". many many times have i gotten with girls just through internet or phone, with little contact in "real life" leading up to the day we went out on a date or even had sex in some cases. in fact, in the world we live in nowadays, everything is technology based, it's not like the 1980s, we have internet, email, social networking sites, cell phones, texting, all of these things make it very easy to stay connected to someone even if you are not physically with them. of course being with her in person will likely give her a better idea of who you are (and whether or not you're her type) but staying in touch through these other mediums is perfectly fine for now, and should definitely last you til next week at which time you said you'd be able to see her again. My ex gf i had only met once for a date and then because of my work schedule and her school schedule, i couldnt see her again for nearly a month and i worried about the same thing as you, i figured if i wasn't there then some other man would beat me to it and ask her out first. didn't happen. i maintained her interest level in me and she was more than thrilled to see me again even though it was weeks later, and we had a 2 yr long relationship out of it. pretty much same scenario with my current gf, she met me once but only very briefly and after that we did not see each other for a month but i kept in contact with her immediately after the first meeting and we talked literally every day over text, facebook, or phone calls (some lasting more than a couple hours). i, of course, used this as an opportunity to build up an extreme anticipation within her so that finally when we met again, i could not keep her off of me. then the weekend after that, i seen her once more and she couldn't contain herself lol she threw herself at me and we had sex. the following weekend.....what do ya know....SHE practically asked ME out instead of the other way around lol. see sometimes waiting is good, especially when dealing with females, it makes them want you more. just don't be boring. listen a lot to her. provide good conversation but don't try to agree with everything she says. do NOT act TOO interested in her (i really do not know how to explain this because there is a very fine line) what i mean is show her you're interested but don't make a big deal of it (ie: giving her compliments 24/7, telling her how you can't wait to see her again, all that ****). because those are things that guys who are UNSUCCESSFUL with girls do lol and they get plopped right down into the good ol friend zone. i dont really know how else to explain it, it comes easy to me now because i've had a couple years of trial and error (and instances where i've ended up in the friend zone) but i learned from it and now i can keep a girl interested in me without fail, even if she must wait weeks or months to see me again. call her for sure, that's a big one. definitely let her know that you like talking to her. don't be too easy though, give her some element of challenge, girls like a chase. if you show her that you like her TOO much, this early on, she may just lose interest and blow you off for that second date, bro. just keep doing whatever you've been doing, she obviously must like you too if she calls and texts you every day, so you really have nothing to worry about. you can EASILY keep a girl interested for long periods of time without seeing her if you know what to say. good luck.
youaretheone Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Firstly, why are you waiting to have a second date with her? If you talk to her too much on the phone without a date where you can advance physically, she will associate you with that guy who she can spend time with on the phone and you will surely be moving to the friend zone at some point. Be aware that you can flirt upto some point through phone. After that, you should go to the next level. You say that "there was no opportunity to make a move.". This is just an excuse your mind is making up because you were not able to escalate. Next time, I advise you to create your own opportunities like a man, do not wait for them. As a side note, this does not mean forcing her to kiss you. It means looking out for hints and creating your own opportunity with your actions.
Author AA11390 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 thanks a lot of the very detailed response, i really appreciate it!
Author AA11390 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 Firstly, why are you waiting to have a second date with her? If you talk to her too much on the phone without a date where you can advance physically, she will associate you with that guy who she can spend time with on the phone and you will surely be moving to the friend zone at some point. Be aware that you can flirt upto some point through phone. After that, you should go to the next level. You say that "there was no opportunity to make a move.". This is just an excuse your mind is making up because you were not able to escalate. Next time, I advise you to create your own opportunities like a man, do not wait for them. As a side note, this does not mean forcing her to kiss you. It means looking out for hints and creating your own opportunity with your actions. I am waiting because I go to school 200 miles away from home and wont be home for another week lol..i mean i guess I technically could've, but i didn't want to rush it, and I wasn't really in the right places where it would be appropriate, i was just trying to accomplish getting to know her better..i guess i just made note of it before because without it, i have less security about not dipping into the friend zone like i stated at first
race_engine Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 yeah youaretheone is right about the whole "your mind making up excuses" thing, it's ok to not make a move on a first date (i usually don't--again, anticipation-building) but you DEFINITELY will want to by the 2nd date, no questions about it. if you do not, then she may place you into that friend zone you dread lol. but the whole "being away" thing, i wouldn't sweat that. idk your way of talking to girls, but if she actively messages you, talks on phone and stuff, then it seems to me she's interested. girls don't typically do that to guys in their friend zone, maybe once in a while they talk to them, but not always. so if she's still talking to you all the time then you're good. keep it up, keep her interest level alive, be a man, and then when you get to see her again, go in for that move when the time is right.
race_engine Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 also as a sidenote: i have to somewhat disagree with youaretheone as far as what they said about not being able to flirt properly over the phone or something, and how if you talk for too long on the phone without seeing her she will lose interest. this has honestly not happened to me in a LONG time, and i was in plenty of similar situations as you since my work schedule used to be extremely busy and i had no time for dates lol. i still managed to keep a girl into me, you know i really just think it has a lot with how you talk to her, not necessarily WHAT you talk about. be charming, witty, interesting, and somewhat mysterious, but definitely no pussy and she won't be able to wait to see you again. if she is always laughing or smiling while talking to you then she is FOR SURE sexually attracted to you. you can tell if someone's smiling over the phone, you don't even have to see their face, you can hear the differences in the way they talk by the shape their mouth makes when they are either smiling or not smiling. get it? pick up on that. i don't think i need to tell you that if she's doing these things, you are definitely not in friend zone. just beware if conversations start getting shorter or she doesnt text you as much. this may mean that her interest level is diminishing so you'll need to step up your game.
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