Need women's a not so nice exfiance

[b18c1]

I NEED A LADIES THOUGHTS ON MY EX TREATS ME LIKE A DISEASE EVEN THOUGH SHE CLAIMS SHE IS HAPPY AND HAS MOVED ON. THANK YOU.

 

 

Hello, this question is for ladies but men who experienced this can also help out. My ex left me about a year ago from a 7 year relationship. I was laid off from work about 2 years ago, we have a young child and I am in a nursing program. She is in her mid 20's and im only 2 years older. I have less experience than her in the dating scene but she wanted to have "fun." She took advantage of the fact that I was a all around guy.

 

We had a very nasty break up. A few months before our final breakup she told me that she had a dream in which she said we broke up again(we broke up once before for about a week) and I actually did not care to reach out with and fix things. She said it made her very upset and made her hate me. Weird huh?

 

Well when the breakup happen, I was actually okay with it. She on the other hand was very upset. She systemically tried to destroy my life.

 

It was very sad how we ended. Its been almost a year. I had a hard time a few months ago learning that she moved on with someone else. I have a hard chance talking to attractive women because I get so nervous.

 

My main question is even though she has moved on and basically has displayed herself on how happy she is, why does she still try to treat me so bad? She doesn't necessarily say any bad words (as of late) but she breaks court orders, lies to me regarding our son (I have him 55%), when she sees me she acts like if I am some sort of walking disease that she cannot be around. Sadly, my son loves me very much and I believe that because I took care of our son so much, it made her feel as if having a child is a "cake-walk."

 

I spoke to a friend and they told me that its likely due to the fact that she likely found another guy that is so much better than me and it only reinforces her belief that I am below her and not worth respecting. When I mentioned to my ex that she needs to be grateful at least for how great of a father I am towards our child (since he first born.. when I was only 23), she said me being a great father had nothing to do with her. I didn't imply it did but her being so rude or manipulative towards me actually puts a strain on our son and mines relationship together.

 

Or is my ex trying to put me down? I have made tons of strides re-establishing everything I lost and could it might be bugging her. I work out, hang out, re-establishing my friends base, able to buy new clothes. I actually think I might be entering my prime now. I honestly thought her moving on and being with some other dude would make her not put so much energy hating me but she does. Does she regret dumping me because she kinda sees what she lost?

 

I feel I want to ask her "hey, your with someone else now, so why do you hate me so much? I haven't even dated anyone since our breakup nor even gotten a number AND I know you have but yet I am more calmer, why?"

 

Any help would be appreciated.....if anyone was curious, she cheated on me, we tried to work it out but she developed a severe lying/selfishness problem which took a bad toll on our relationship.

Edited March 10, 2011 by b18c1

[citrusdrop1688]

If shes going to that much trouble to make you unhappy there are most likely unresolved feelings there that shes not over. The opposite of love isnt hate... its indifference and this is very true with my ex husband. I dont care what he does with who and we just try to leave each other alone unless its something that involves our child. If she didnt care on some level she wouldnt even bother putting effort into making you miserable.

[b18c1]

I am so confused because she claims she is happy, she with another guy but has to make it known that she can treat me bad. Yes, I am hurt that she moved on. I thought she would realize how selfish she was becoming and step up but instead she embraced her selfishness and I do my best not to digg into anything that doesn't involve our child.

 

What unresolved issues could she have because she was very aware that I our family very much. She even mocked me that I tried too hard to keep our family together which kinda helped me move forward when I heard it out of her mouth.

 

If I happen to find a few dates or even a girlfriend, I would be even nicer than what I am now to my ex. I am serious with my ex but I try to keep it respectable. It seems to be going opposite with her, the more she has fun, the meaner she gets......

 

I am lost and confused? Is she trying to grab my attention or something?

[citrusdrop1688]

Maybe she just has some left over resentments about things that happened in your relationship or something

[fetish]

i think the worse mistake anyone can make after a break up is to expect the other person to realize what they left behind. She cheated, so she didn't take your feelings into consideration.

 

Her intentions are not based on good and it seems she's more interested in trying to punis you rather than trying to make things right. It's terrible that you have to see this as you are a good person, but waiting on her to change has put you in a vulnerable position.

 

Personally, I don't think things are not going as well as she's trying to make it sound. She seems to only feel good about herself by making you feel bad and that usually doesn't work out to anyone's best, no matter how much they try to pretend it. She's a manipulator and that's the way she tries to control the situation. Yes she is trying to get your attention because she feeds off that kind of energy. She's a drama queen @ best.

 

I know because she sounds like my recent ex of 8 years. She's a manipulator too and while i haven't found out of her moving on with anyone else (YET), I'm trying to prepare myself for that, which will more than likely happen at some point. I hope by the time it does happen, i will have let go and grown myself to the point it doesn't hurt as much. That's why i plan to date or at least go out and meet new people, but only when i'm ready, but i'm not expecting her to come back to me and realize what she screwed up because that may never happen the way I want it.

[Eddie Edirol]

Since she is treating you like that you need to do the same to her plus 50%. You dont actually feel she is below you, but you need to treat her like that, also to help you move on. You need to get it in your head that she is not only a horrible person, but immature and not worth your or your sons time. Act snobby to her, dont converse with her when you dont have to, and keep all of your correspondence cold and brief. Now that you are getting your life together, its time to realize that you are better without her, you WILL be getting a better woman than her very soon. Thats how you think. Dont make it a belief system, make it a lifestyle.

 

Put it this way, next girlfriend you get, you will be thinking this anyway, so you might as well get a head start. It will make you hold your head up high and look like you dont need anyone. Thats how you attract the ladies you want.

[fetish]

Yep, Eddie's right. I'm still trying to get a hold of this concept myself dealing with my recent break up.

 

People who seek attention go crazy when they don't get it. Refusing to give an attention-seeker the attention they want puts the other person in a position of power. Not necessarily saying it puts them in a position of power over the attention seeker, but power of yourself. Once a person sees you have that self power, they lose all ammunition to control you and it drives them nuts. Attention seekers tend to be manipulators and once that power is gone, they go crazy. That in turn gives you a more sense of self worth and makes you more desirable and respectable.

 

So my best advice for you, start moving on. After all, it has been a year and she's the one who cheated. Start trying to date. Even if you're not ready, just start out practicing friendly conversations with women you meet: At church, bars, tellers @ banks, singles nights, and so on. Just try it and you'll slowly start to feel better about yourself.

[Graceful]

I NEED A LADIES THOUGHTS ON MY EX TREATS ME LIKE A DISEASE EVEN THOUGH SHE CLAIMS SHE IS HAPPY AND HAS MOVED ON. THANK YOU.

Ok, girl here.

 

Your ex is, shall I say, a vindictive, immature, jealous, insecure, and highly manipulative little twit.

 

Now, let me explain.

 

You're this all around nice guy. Probably put up with a lot of crap over the course of 7 years, especially since you were both very young when you began your relationship. In all due respect to her, she probably has a lot of growing up still to do, and found herself a mother at a young age. She was in a LTR with you, became a mother, so when did she really have the freedom to date, hang out and act like a young girl should be able to act? Yes, she cheated on you and as I said, I'm sure you had problems, but it's almost as though both of you were thrust into this mini-adult life when you were too young.

 

Follow?

 

She is in her mid 20's and im only 2 years older. I have less experience than her in the dating scene but she wanted to have "fun." She took advantage of the fact that I was a all around guy.

 

We had a very nasty break up. A few months before our final breakup she told me that she had a dream in which she said we broke up again(we broke up once before for about a week) and I actually did not care to reach out with and fix things. She said it made her very upset and made her hate me. Weird huh?

Not really weird. In saying you didn't want to reach out and try to fix the relationship, that felt like rejection to her, and it also made her feel like you were in control (you were) -- it was as though you were saying that you had had enough. You had enough and were done.

 

Well, since she is a very vindictive person, she wants to get back at you for that and she is treating you the way she is for that reason -- to get back at you for that final rejection. And yes, she can only treat you badly to make herself feel better, putting you down is her way of hoisting herself up (although, she still feels bad, believe me, it doesn't make her feel better at all).

 

Well when the breakup happen, I was actually okay with it. She on the other hand was very upset. She systemically tried to destroy my life.

So this is her follow up to the way you broke up. Of course you were hurt, too, she can't acknowledge that because she didn't like that final rejection.

 

She might know it's not going to be easy to find another nice guy like you, and so do you think she's going to tell you that? Nope. She's going to try to make you feel worse about yourself because she's very jealous of the way you have come through the breakup and improved yourself. Strange as that sounds, that is the product of a very immature, vindictive, and sadly, insecure person.

 

My main question is even though she has moved on and basically has displayed herself on how happy she is, why does she still try to treat me so bad? She doesn't necessarily say any bad words (as of late) but she breaks court orders, lies to me regarding our son (I have him 55%), when she sees me she acts like if I am some sort of walking disease that she cannot be around.

This is all disrespectful to you, and being disrespectful is all part of what I mentioned above. It's to show you that you don't matter to her, to show you that you can't boss her around and that she has control. As I said, this is in her mind, because this is the only way she can figure out how to deal with her feelings of rejection.

 

I spoke to a friend and they told me that its likely due to the fact that she likely found another guy that is so much better than me and it only reinforces her belief that I am below her and not worth respecting.

Listen to me. Please listen to me right here. If she met someone else, it has nothing to do with you being less of a person than a new guy. If anything, she has built up a wall to make sure that she shows you no emotion or respect, but that does not mean that you are not as good as another guy.

 

Clearly, if she were happy, she would not be treating you so poorly. Happy people do not act this way. She seems to be consumed with getting back at you and showing you that she does not care or respect you, but again, this is because she has not processed her feelings about the way your r/l ended.

 

Or is my ex trying to put me down? I have made tons of strides re-establishing everything I lost and could it might be bugging her. I work out, hang out, re-establishing my friends base, able to buy new clothes. I actually think I might be entering my prime now.

Yes, it bothers her that you are forging ahead improving your life without a partner, as though you don't need anyone to improve. You're doing great. She, on the other hand, has made no changes, not improved herself, and the only thing she seems to be doing is find a new BF. Well, that's sort of pathetic, isn't it? She wanted her freedom and as I said, maybe that's what she needs to grow, but she's certainly not making very good use of her time on her own.

 

You're more calm because you've gotten rid of the drama queen, your ex. Of course you feel better. Who wouldn't?

 

Your ex showed no remorse for cheating and lying to you, she developed even more problems about lying, she's selfish, disrespectful, vindictive, spoiled, immature, cruel, jealous, superficial and downright nasty.

 

So, um, it seems like a no brainer to me who's the loser around here.

 

Keep working on yourself and your studies. Hold your head up. Stop playing into her drama. Ignore. Speak to her only when you have to make arrangements for your son. Keep it simple. Keep it light. And stop worrying about what she's thinking. There isn't much there to wonder about, trust me. You sound like a wonderful father and a lovely person who wants to move forward, and I certainly wish you all the best in reaching your goals. Take care.

[b18c1]

I honestly tried my best to act tough and even a bit rude but I couldn't do it long. She might be okay treating me poorly but it starts to eat my conscious that I am being rude. I changed my approach to be just "firm" with her.

 

Im trying to find someone else but I see your point...I want to not "seek" for attention but at the same time... it would be nice. I never had real success with women except with my ex but I have been told that my lack of confidence was "shot" bad because of my ex. Its true, she made me feel really bad and I still get some bad nightmares.

 

I am not sitting around like a hermit. I try to do the best I can to self improve my life personally. Its hard but I am getting it done.

 

My ex seems to love pushing my buttons. Sometimes I think if its me but I run into her (exchanging our son let say), her attitude shows. Sometimes I feel she wants to make sure I don't find someone because it might drive her nuts knowing that how much I loved/cared for her... I could possibly do for someone else.

 

Finally, months ago she mentioned that in a few years time she can imagine us together again. It scarred me a bit because it kinda told me that she knew what she was doing and everything was somewhat intentional. I think she thought I would look at it positively but it makes me very worried that down the line if I haven't found a relationship and she pops back into my life, I might just accept her back. I don't ever want her back. I hope I can get more thoughts from all of you... I plan to actually print your replies out. Anytime I feel "down," I want to be able to pull this out and read your respones, thank you.

[stop_the_lies]

I had an exact same thing said to me. Multiple times a few weeks after we broke up. As if she had this plan, that she would do what she wants for now, and I will be there for her after. If I've met someone, I'm sure she thinks she could prise me away.. LOL

 

I think this is what happens when you have a relationship with one person (you, me) putting more in than the other person.. And taking all their crap and still being there with love and care?

[b18c1]

I had an exact same thing said to me. Multiple times a few weeks after we broke up. As if she had this plan, that she would do what she wants for now, and I will be there for her after.?

 

I must say that I do feel like that. I wanted to add that her older sister did something very similar. What happened in your case? My ex said alot a one point about the future but mainly used "god" as her driving force behind it... "if god wants us to be, then he will make us be," kind of stuff. I am very very confused of all this. Yes, it is as she can do whatever and she expects me to wait for her. Amazing how many other men/women can think this way. Can you share your experience?