Steelrain21 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I've been dating this woman for 2 months now, and everything was going incredibly smooth until last week. I'm 27 and she's 31, and I don't believe that the beginning was simply a "honeymoon phase." She was persuing me very hard, and would constanttly send me texts about how much she liked me and was afraid of getting hurt. The other weekend she told me that she was making plans for us the next weekend, but wouldn't say what they were. I contacted her the Thursday before that weekend to ask if she wanted to hangout. She replied by saying she was too busy packing because she was going out of town to visit her dad for the weekend. I told her that I thought she had some kind of surprise planned for us to do and she said "kind of, I was going to have you come with but I think it's too soon for that." I have no problem with her thinking it was too soon, I'd have to somewhat agree myself. I felt a little uneasy, however, how she had planned it at first but then had changed her mind rather abruptly. Since then she has been very distant. She still contacts me, and will ask to hangout, but it is a lot less frequently. She told me nothing was wrong, she just wanted to slow things down a little bit to see if we were right for each other before getting in too deep. Made enough sense to me. But after that it just really felt like she was a completely different person. She didn't seem happy see me and I basically felt like I was walking on thin ice around her. When I mentioned that she seemed totally different she told me I was parnoid. Earlier this week she finally came forth and told me there is a reason she's been acting different. She had a VERY messed up childhood, from birth to 17 years. Words can't really do it justice, but she was basically a slave to a mentally and somewhat physically abusive father, and suffered sexual abuse from her older brother. She says that obviously she is messed up from that, and doesn't know if she'll ever fully get over it. She said that when she gets close to someone, she freezes up and pushes them away. She couldn't really explain why, other than that she "doesn't really know how to have a relationship" due to her upbringing. It's like she flipped a switch last week, and is a different person. She's very distant and we virtually have very little if any intimate contact, such as hugs or kisses (which she had no problem with till recently.) I thought I would seek advice before making any drastic decisions. I thought I saw a lot of potential in the beginning, but I don't want to fool myself is this is a lost cause. Thanks for those who take the time to read this
paleblue Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 my suggestion, just ease off the throttle. its not cool when someone makes you feel like you are on thin ice around them. so something is out of whack when that happens. when that happens i back off and give space. i dont do it to be mean or distant or cold. i just do it because they need some space! and let her come around on her own. no need to make any drastic decisions, or have any drastic talks. just chill. dont say anything. she has already told you whats up. so just give her some space to relax. she might be feeling overwhelmed with everything. so if you go full force you are going to push her away. all you have to do is ease up on contacting her a little and let her come around. that should do the trick.
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