Silly_Girl Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 And let's say if Donna took your "subjective opinion" as an insult? That would be her "subjective conclusion", wouldn't it be? She can take it how she likes. If she feels it's a personal insult she or someone else can report it.
skywriter Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Call me whatever, but to just be a sounding board to someone in need of an empathetic ear, without "having" to voice your opinion, makes you a very strong person, with nothing to prove. edited; to thank those that know who you are
fooled once Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Alas...yes. But the OP wants us to believe that judgement in any form goes or that people are being over-sensitive when they complain about the language and content. Also, it is a lazy mind that reverts to personal attacks instead of a logical arguments, IMO;). Common sense should apply to us all. Instead of responding to posts with insults, they should just ignore them like everybody else. Finding Nemo, I really like your post here. In fact, I really like a majority of your posts. On subject, no snippy remarks or snarky replies. Thank you.
Silly_Girl Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Sorry SG, I find the bolded kind of dismissive and disrespectful. Makes it sound a bit "bitchy", don't you think?! Who cares what I think! Anyway, this circles back to what I was saying. Few people on here just have little respect for one another. There is no judging, there is no judgment or being judgemental at this point. It's just plain old grease wrestling at every post. And all this reporting is ridiculous... If only we can go reporting and flagging people IRL, every single time they do or say something we dislike or don't find in to be pro our camp. I was making the point about it being subjective... Seems to get missed a lot. I don't think I've ever reported anyone except spammers (one tonight actually). The closest I've come to reporting is when people have reported me and I've gone back to Tony and shown clearly the posts I was responding to and put them in context and have avoided an infraction as a result. I think it's sad to report. But my point is, if someone thinks I am genuinely offensive and harmful, I'd rather they DID report it as that's not why we're here. I'm sure of that.
OWoman Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Also, it is a lazy mind that reverts to personal attacks instead of a logical arguments, IMO;). Common sense should apply to us all. Instead of responding to posts with insults, they should just ignore them like everybody else. This bears repeating
Jane Deaux Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Call me whatever, but to just be a sounding board to someone in need of an empathetic ear, without "having" to voice your opinion, makes you a very strong person, with nothing to prove. edited; to thank those that know who you are I think this is so hard to do. We all do have an opinion and even when trying to be unbiased we still put our opinion in there. Even when I find myself trying very hard to just listen and ask questions to get them to think about what it is THEY want sometimes I still find myself giving my opinion. However kind and nonjudgmental i try to be. But so many people do want just that, a sounding board. And I bet others do want advice, but real advice, not a judgmental opinion.
donnamaybe Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 But so many people do want just that, a sounding board. And I bet others do want advice, but real advice, not a judgmental opinion. I can't imagine how anyone could give their brand of advice without using judgment; judging the situation and judging what, in their opinion, is the right way to handle it.
Silly_Girl Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I can't imagine how anyone could give their brand of advice without using judgment; judging the situation and judging what, in their opinion, is the right way to handle it. YYAAAAWWWWNNN!!!!!!!!! Being judgmental (coming off as superior, self-righteous) is different to making judgments and assessing information given and offering opinions, or one's take on a scenario. Jane's post made perfect sense.
donnamaybe Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 YYAAAAWWWWNNN!!!!!!!!! Being judgmental (coming off as superior, self-righteous) is different to making judgments and assessing information given and offering opinions, or one's take on a scenario. Jane's post made perfect sense. Ah, in fine form this a.m. I see. I have seen way too many situations where someone starts blathering on about someone being "judgmental" simply because their opinions differed. Some can see it, some refuse to. That's not my problem. It does, however, stilt the free flow of conversation and exchange of ideas. Only the OP suffers from this stifling of differing opinions.
Silly_Girl Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Ah, in fine form this a.m. I see. I have seen way too many situations where someone starts blathering on about someone being "judgmental" simply because their opinions differed. Some can see it, some refuse to. That's not my problem. It does, however, stilt the free flow of conversation and exchange of ideas. Only the OP suffers from this stifling of differing opinions. Afternoon Donna! And, from your post, you're not sure of the difference either....
donnamaybe Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Afternoon Donna! And, from your post, you're not sure of the difference either.... Oh, I'm sure.
Owl Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I think this is so hard to do. We all do have an opinion and even when trying to be unbiased we still put our opinion in there. Even when I find myself trying very hard to just listen and ask questions to get them to think about what it is THEY want sometimes I still find myself giving my opinion. However kind and nonjudgmental i try to be. But so many people do want just that, a sounding board. And I bet others do want advice, but real advice, not a judgmental opinion. I'd politely suggest the unrealistic thinking involved in going to the internet in the hopes of a polite sounding board. Anyone posting on an internet forum should understand that the responses they get back might not always reflect what they want...especially if they're setting an expectation that they're only going to get responses or viewpoints that mirror their own, or fit what they want/hope to hear. Other people have different experiences/viewpoints, and are going to post their advice/response/whatever based on those viewpoints and experiences. To expect something different would be foolhardy and unrealistic. This doesn't mean that anyone should accept abuse or any other violation of the TOS..by no means. But to truly expect that others on the internet won't "judge" what you post? Hmmm....
donnamaybe Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I'd politely suggest the unrealistic thinking involved in going to the internet in the hopes of a polite sounding board. Anyone posting on an internet forum should understand that the responses they get back might not always reflect what they want...especially if they're setting an expectation that they're only going to get responses or viewpoints that mirror their own, or fit what they want/hope to hear. Other people have different experiences/viewpoints, and are going to post their advice/response/whatever based on those viewpoints and experiences. To expect something different would be foolhardy and unrealistic. This doesn't mean that anyone should accept abuse or any other violation of the TOS..by no means. But to truly expect that others on the internet won't "judge" what you post? Hmmm....Oh, they know their post will be judged, but it's the conclusion you draw that either has them calling you "judgmental" or not.
spice4life Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 What's the difference between expressing anger and outright judging someone? If you feel you are wronged in someway, how would you express it? For instance, if you were a BS and you wanted to give the person a chance, how would you express your anger? Would you express the feelings or would you judge and name call? Just wondering
Heather1 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I come to this forum mostly for support to get out of the A than to stay in. I noticed that's what most people who post are curious about is where the A might be headed & I would think most people who post got into something they can't get out of & want to know how. We're here for the Ddays, for the NC, for the heartbreak of the reality when they do leave their spouses & it doesn't work the way they thought. Personally, no one in my real life knows what's going on w/ me so I appreciate the support because I've been in NC several times & have to keep it to myself. It helps to post. This board probably represents a small number of A's. I assure you, there are people happily & blissfully running around having A's we know nothing about. I don't find that to be true of most of the posts here, they need support.
SoMovinOn Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 OM/OW isn't protected? That's the point... it's a specific place for specific people. Those who don't fit into those specifics should stay the hell out. It would be like going to a forum for bereaved family and friends of people who committed suicide and posting something like "I think anyone who commits suicide is stupid! Nothing is that bad it's worth killing yourself over!" ... or ... "People who commit suicide are selfish and don't care how they will hurt those they leave behind" Both are valid thoughts, but have no place in that forum. Likewise, I have seen BS's come in her spewing venom over how evil OM/OW's are. They don't belong here.
woinlove Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 OM/OW isn't protected? That's the point... it's a specific place for specific people. Those who don't fit into those specifics should stay the hell out. Who exactly fits? I actually like the mix. I don't like to see rude posts -- no matter who they come from, but rude posts don't just come from BS. It would be like going to a forum for bereaved family and friends of people who committed suicide and posting something like "I think anyone who commits suicide is stupid! Nothing is that bad it's worth killing yourself over!" ... or ... "People who commit suicide are selfish and don't care how they will hurt those they leave behind" Both are valid thoughts, but have no place in that forum. I've been surprised at the lack of compassion on this forum shown for those who try to commit suicide, but it wasn't BS. But do you really see this forum as comparable to one for bereaved family? Some people post about how happy or satisfied they are or were in affairs. Not everyone is in pain because they are or were an OW/OM. But, I agree, those who are should be shown compassion. People can offer different views and still show compassion. Likewise, I have seen BS's come in her spewing venom over how evil OM/OW's are. They don't belong here. One should report posts which spew venom at others, no matter who writes them.
Silly_Girl Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 OM/OW isn't protected? That's the point... it's a specific place for specific people. Those who don't fit into those specifics should stay the hell out. It would be like going to a forum for bereaved family and friends of people who committed suicide and posting something like "I think anyone who commits suicide is stupid! Nothing is that bad it's worth killing yourself over!" ... or ... "People who commit suicide are selfish and don't care how they will hurt those they leave behind" Both are valid thoughts, but have no place in that forum. Likewise, I have seen BS's come in her spewing venom over how evil OM/OW's are. They don't belong here. SMO. Best post I have seen in an age. Thank you.
donnamaybe Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 so where can BS go on this site and tell OW/OM and cheaters to stay out? tell me that and I'll gladly stay out again, where on this site can people go where OM/OW don't belong?This post just HAD to be bumped. No one has answered the question yet.
Silly_Girl Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 This post just HAD to be bumped. No one has answered the question yet. That's a question for the admin, surely? There's an OW board, maybe a BS board or a WS board is required...
donnamaybe Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 thats because they feel they should be the only protected group. wouldn't you think there should be a protected part of the site then for the people who have been hurt, rather than for the people doing the hurting?It would be hypocritical for it to be any other way, would it not?
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