BenThereDunThat Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I'd like to know where this expectation of not being judged comes from. Every day, in your normal life...you are being judged, and yes, in turn, judging right back. And don't even try to say that you don't. That's just life. There are so many different people in this world with just as many thoughts, mores, threshholds -- whatever it is that gets them up in the morning, whatever it is that makes them believe that life is worth living. So...you came to a public forum, aired your life and then people responded and judged (btw, even if they're on "your side", they're still judging based on their own personal life experiences). Get over it. It's been said time and time again - take what you need and ignore the rest.
desertIslandCactus Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I'd like to know where this expectation of not being judged comes from. Every day, in your normal life...you are being judged, and yes, in turn, judging right back. And don't even try to say that you don't. That's just life. There are so many different people in this world with just as many thoughts, mores, threshholds -- whatever it is that gets them up in the morning, whatever it is that makes them believe that life is worth living. So...you came to a public forum, aired your life and then people responded and judged (btw, even if they're on "your side", they're still judging based on their own personal life experiences). Get over it. It's been said time and time again - take what you need and ignore the rest. If I think someone's actions adversely affect others, I will speak up .
pureinheart Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Sure, people will draw their own conclusions about anyone they meet...the trick is to respect that we are all on our own individual journeys. This about sums it up for me...beautiful reply S4L...
NoIDidn't Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 So...you came to a public forum, aired your life and then people responded and judged (btw, even if they're on "your side", they're still judging based on their own personal life experiences). So true (the bolded). But some don't want to admit that a judgment has been made. They only see "agreement". Agreement still implies judging the merits of an argument. BTDT, it can be frustrating dealing with certain types, but don't let it get to you. The conversation still flows pretty well even when you put all those with unreasonable expectations of a public forum on Ignore.
Silly_Girl Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 If I think someone's actions adversely affect others, I will speak up . You're not alone there.
findingnemo Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I'd like to know where this expectation of not being judged comes from. Every day, in your normal life...you are being judged, and yes, in turn, judging right back. And don't even try to say that you don't. That's just life. There are so many different people in this world with just as many thoughts, mores, threshholds -- whatever it is that gets them up in the morning, whatever it is that makes them believe that life is worth living. So...you came to a public forum, aired your life and then people responded and judged (btw, even if they're on "your side", they're still judging based on their own personal life experiences). Get over it. It's been said time and time again - take what you need and ignore the rest. Actually, we all expect to be judged. It's the delivery that matters. I can tell someone in the most polite and tactful way to f**k off. One can deliver a threat in the most flowery language. It doesn't make it less of a threat, does it? And my opinion based on my judgement can't really be argued with. So to try to avoid judgement here is ridiculous. BUT some people just have bad manners!! Some behaviour on the forum is plain unacceptable. Now that's life. Thus the need for rules and the option to alert a MOD. We shouldn't censor people but we shouldn't also go to the other extreme and accept uncouth behaviour. Rude remarks and insults are tedious and annoying. It doesn't matter if they are aimed at another person. I find it cowardly and stupid considering that we are all sitting miles and miles apart.
carrie999 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 But this is the OW forum, don't you get it?OW's here have PROTECTED STATUS:lmao: Seriously? You're that bitter? This board is supposed to be a forum for OW/OM to seek guidance from others in similar situations. Most of the betrayed spouses who post here are not "okay" with affairs and do not propose to make anyone feel better about cheating, but to add perspective to affair situations. It is clear from your posts (in both boards) that you are only here to cause upset and chaos. Seek professional help. This is the only recourse for you to get past being hurt. Attempting to cause a stir on an internet message board will only breed contempt for you, which will fuel further misdirected anger that will hurt you, not the internet community.
Silly_Girl Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Seriously? You're that bitter? This board is supposed to be a forum for OW/OM to seek guidance from others in similar situations. Most of the betrayed spouses who post here are not "okay" with affairs and do not propose to make anyone feel better about cheating, but to add perspective to affair situations. It is clear from your posts (in both boards) that you are only here to cause upset and chaos. Seek professional help. This is the only recourse for you to get past being hurt. Attempting to cause a stir on an internet message board will only breed contempt for you, which will fuel further misdirected anger that will hurt you, not the internet community. Thanks Carrie. Great post!
jthorne Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 That's just it....this is NOT a "protected" board. The only way to air your life's experiences and have only like-minded people respond is to be part of an invite-only, completely protected forum. And it's not as if such forums don't exist. Because from what I understand, they are out there. WTFBBQ....I am not being snarky or holier-than-thou here. You're talking to an ex-OW. This is NOT an anti-OW thread.I get what you are saying. I've been saying the same thing for months, which is that this is an open forum. The owners and moderators get to decide who can post, not the OW's who feel they have some sort of status given at the top of this page. It's the same with the Cheating Board; there's no "protected status" over there. Even on the Rants Board, where one might think it safe to rant about any and everything, there's no protected status. I agree with NID about the agreement vs judgement part. There's a big difference between support and validation, some want one over the other. I also agree with Owl and Spark about expectations when posting on an open forum- people will get posts from all sides. There's a reason the owners did not make this board protected, IMO. You are right too. If a group only wants to hear what they want to hear, they will be required to set one up to the parameters of their liking. Good for them if they choose to do so. Otherwise, there's always the Ignore feature. You still don't get it. There's not an expectation to not be judged. The fact is some just DON'T care about your judgment. Judge all you want. Doesn't mean a thing to me. You don't pay my bills and you're not the one deciding if I go to heaven or hell. Perhaps you should remember your days as an OW and step down off your pedestal. And even better, maybe you should get over yourself.Come on now. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't have even bothered to submit a reply. The vitriol in your response indicates that you care quite a bit.
donnamaybe Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 It's not only HOW you say things but the fact that you have an opinion at ALL which brings about the "judgmental" comments. It's ridiculous. EVERYONE judges. EVERYONE. I'm pretty certain that many of the same people on LS who whine about folks being judgmental are the same type who would see a gal walking down the street they don't even know who could be one of the nicest people in the world and make snide comments about their hairstyle or clothing choice.
Silly_Girl Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 It's not only HOW you say things but the fact that you have an opinion at ALL which brings about the "judgmental" comments. It's ridiculous. EVERYONE judges. EVERYONE. I'm pretty certain that many of the same people on LS who whine about folks being judgmental are the same type who would see a gal walking down the street they don't even know who could be one of the nicest people in the world and make snide comments about their hairstyle or clothing choice. And you know that how???!! That might be your style....
denise_xo Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Of course we all come with our own presuppositions. To me, being judgmental in this context has to do with front loading off assumptions that have no basis in the OP. E.g. OP: I am unhappy in my marriage and am considering separation. [no info about a third party in OP] Judgmental response: 'You're probably opening your legs from some other guy already/ shagging a woman at your work. That's what selfish people like yourself do'. Non-judgmental response: 'Any third parties involved that you haven't told us about? That's been a pattern in previous posts here'
Silly_Girl Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 You can spot that kind a mile away. You know. Like the kind of people who assume anyone who rides a Harley doesn't bathe. I've actually been treated with more courtesy by a Harley rider than a rich old man driving his motor home. Nope. Not my style at all. In fact, I've made MY style clear to the likes of those kinds of people. I don't worry about making friends with that type, so I speak my mind. I care more about how people treat others than how they look. Gee. Go figure. But Donna, m'love, you've just done it. You just judged people you don't know in the real world based on what you see here. Book and cover?! It's no different really. I suspect that some of those who rub me up the wrong way here most are probably the warmest, nicest people and we'd find we get on like a house on fire in real life!!! Your post was actually quite bitchy.
donnamaybe Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 But Donna, m'love, you've just done it. You just judged people you don't know in the real world based on what you see here. Book and cover?! It's no different really.Um, no. Sorry. I judge people based on what they do and say. Not on what they look like. Nice try.
Spark1111 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Actually, we all expect to be judged. It's the delivery that matters. I can tell someone in the most polite and tactful way to f**k off. One can deliver a threat in the most flowery language. It doesn't make it less of a threat, does it? And my opinion based on my judgement can't really be argued with. So to try to avoid judgement here is ridiculous. BUT some people just have bad manners!! Some behaviour on the forum is plain unacceptable. Now that's life. Thus the need for rules and the option to alert a MOD. We shouldn't censor people but we shouldn't also go to the other extreme and accept uncouth behaviour. Rude remarks and insults are tedious and annoying. It doesn't matter if they are aimed at another person. I find it cowardly and stupid considering that we are all sitting miles and miles apart. I do not disagree FN, only we cannot control delivery or manners. If someone is in violation of TOS, you have a choice to report or ignore. And that's the bottom line here.
Spark1111 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I'd like to know where this expectation of not being judged comes from. Every day, in your normal life...you are being judged, and yes, in turn, judging right back. And don't even try to say that you don't. That's just life. There are so many different people in this world with just as many thoughts, mores, threshholds -- whatever it is that gets them up in the morning, whatever it is that makes them believe that life is worth living. So...you came to a public forum, aired your life and then people responded and judged (btw, even if they're on "your side", they're still judging based on their own personal life experiences). Get over it. It's been said time and time again - take what you need and ignore the rest. Yes, I agree. We need to make assumptions of our reality, otherwise we could not function. We make judgements to support our version of reality, and it starts with forming an opinion/s to base the judgement on. We do it all day long; my child is coming down with something, the boss is in a bad mood today, my spouse seems stressed by the big meeting; it looks like rain, my car tire needs air......all day long.
Spark1111 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 So true (the bolded). But some don't want to admit that a judgment has been made. They only see "agreement". Agreement still implies judging the merits of an argument. BTDT, it can be frustrating dealing with certain types, but don't let it get to you. The conversation still flows pretty well even when you put all those with unreasonable expectations of a public forum on Ignore. I agree with NID and have said it often: If I ONLY wanted agreement offered to my opinion, I would tell it to my employees.....or the dog.:rolleyes:
findingnemo Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I do not disagree FN, only we cannot control delivery or manners. If someone is in violation of TOS, you have a choice to report or ignore. And that's the bottom line here. Alas...yes. But the OP wants us to believe that judgement in any form goes or that people are being over-sensitive when they complain about the language and content. Also, it is a lazy mind that reverts to personal attacks instead of a logical arguments, IMO;). Common sense should apply to us all. Instead of responding to posts with insults, they should just ignore them like everybody else.
donnamaybe Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Your post was actually quite bitchy. You mean like this Nemo? The thing is, at least for me, that while I DO admit to judging people because of their behavior, I also expect to be judged on the same merits.
Author BenThereDunThat Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 Alas...yes. But the OP wants us to believe that judgement in any form goes or that people are being over-sensitive when they complain about the language and content. Also, it is a lazy mind that reverts to personal attacks instead of a logical arguments, IMO;). Common sense should apply to us all. Instead of responding to posts with insults, they should just ignore them like everybody else. Absolutely not. Rudeness and verbal abuse should never be tolerated in any form. I'm talking about people who cry foul when others who are not of like-mind respectfully respond to open posts with their own opinions. People are confusing difference of opinion with disrespect and turn around and try to start a silly war of words over it all. It's getting old.
donnamaybe Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 *ten characters needed* No biggy Mimo. I have my big girl pants on. I hope I don't get judged for my choice of attire.
donnamaybe Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 If you're going get all A La Lil KIM, you better get your tupperware outfits out! Sounds like that'd chafe!
Silly_Girl Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 http://thesaurus.com/browse/judgmental http://thesaurus.com/browse/judge 'Judgmental' and 'to judge' are two different things and I think they have been muddled early on in the thread. Judging will happen, naturally, how can it not? To have a judgmental attitude is a different thing and I think that's what the OP has seen referenced.
Silly_Girl Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 SG, did you just do a little bit of judging right now? No, because I have no clue. None. But I did take a judgment on Donna's post and deem it - in my subjective opinion - to be bitchy. I did not, however, assert Donna to be a bitch or make a sweeping statement as a result. I did not in any way consider myself superior or Donna to be inferior. Making judgments is a rational process, to weigh something up and come out with a conclusion.
donnamaybe Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 And let's say if Donna took your "subjective opinion" as an insult? That would be her "subjective conclusion", wouldn't it be?Yeah, I could report it, but I think it's better off left for everyone to read.
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