beachgirll2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I have been dating my b/f for about 4 months. I became pregnant in Jan and had a miscarriage in Feb. We never talked about if we should use protection after this happened but he knows I want a baby. I didn't want kids until I met him Last night he decided he wanted to use a condom and I got upset and just went to bed. He knew I was upset and apologized last night. I wasn't upset with him just upset that he might not feel the same I do. I felt like he was thinking that he didn't want a pregnancy to happen again and that made me feel really bad. He said he wants to plan the next time I get pregnant. We are both in our mid 30's so how much planning does he need to do? He already has a 7 year old son from a previous g/f. Do I stay with him or move on? I am really confused about this.
Fondue Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 You got upset because he put on a condom and tried to avoid unwanted pregnancy? Really? you got upset over that? Are you also one of those psycho women who trick their men into knocking you up?
amymarieca Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 You've been dating the guy for 4 months which means you don't know him. Why would you ever want to reproduce with someone you don't know???
Knittress Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I'm no professional or anything, but you sound like you still might be dealing with your feelings of suddenly being a mom-to-be and then just as suddenly... not. You're allowed to feel a little crazy right now, but for the sake of your future children please don't do anything drastic - like giving one of them a father you only knew for a couple of months. I'm sorry for your loss, but nothing is going to replace that baby, not even another hasty pregnancy.
reservoirdog1 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I have been dating my b/f for about 4 months. I became pregnant in Jan and had a miscarriage in Feb. We never talked about if we should use protection after this happened but he knows I want a baby. I didn't want kids until I met him Last night he decided he wanted to use a condom and I got upset and just went to bed. He knew I was upset and apologized last night. I wasn't upset with him just upset that he might not feel the same I do. I felt like he was thinking that he didn't want a pregnancy to happen again and that made me feel really bad. He said he wants to plan the next time I get pregnant. We are both in our mid 30's so how much planning does he need to do? He already has a 7 year old son from a previous g/f. Do I stay with him or move on? I am really confused about this. He knows NOW that you want a baby. Doesn't sound like he knew that when you became pregnant; more likely, he knew that, up to that point, you DIDN'T want kids. Your views on the subject of parenthood obviously changed sometime during the last four months; right around the time you got pregnant, I'm guessing? All of which probably explains why you guys didn't use protection; he probably assumed you were on the pill. Which is a pretty dumb thing to just assume, but guys sometimes think with the little head, not the big head. Damned right he wants to practice safe sex now; he's been "scared straight", as they say. Of course he doesn't want a pregnancy to happen again, at least for some time. He hardly knows you! Totally understandable that he doesn't want to tie his life forever to somebody he's only known for four months. Give it a couple of years, and then we'll be in a position to talk about whether or not he's made you wait long enough. If you can't wait that long and want to have a baby very soon, then I suggest you let him go, and find somebody who shares your views and wants to procreate ASAP. But just know that there's nothing wrong or strange about his position. Quite the opposite, in fact.
oaks Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I am really confused about this. He probably is, too. The impact of a miscarriage is obviously much bigger for you but it isn't zero for him. Talk with him.
Imajerk17 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) No kidding Fondue. Although I put just as much blame on the boyfriend. I'm astounded how irresponsible you both are, Beachgirl. You weren't using protection before, in a relationship that was a month old. Did either of you think about how you'd provide for/raise a baby, and the household you'd be bringing a child into? It's the kid that suffers you know, growing up in a chaotic environment, because his parents are so immature and selfish. Edited March 10, 2011 by Imajerk17
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