Author Crazy Magnet Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 Back when I was single, I dated a guys who I found interesting, but for whom I did not feel that initial strong attraction. In some cases it developed (as with ex), in others it did not. I'm usually like New Again, where it takes me awhile to feel attraction for someone. Usually. The one major exception is current bf. I literally saw him across the room and felt strongly attracted to him. It's wonderful and the attraction I feel towards him continues to be strong, but I don't think there's any reason to hold out for the "whole package". After all, my initial attraction to him was purely physical, before I even knew if our personalities were compatible. Another thing I would caution against is "pity dating". If you date someone you don't really feel physical attraction for, remind yourself that someone else will likely think that person is the hottest thing since sliced bread. In other words, I recommend only dating when you see potential and for as long as you think attraction could develop. The bolded is how I found myself in my current relationship. We were completely and inexplicably drawn to each other from the moment we met and still are. It's probably what makes the break up suck so much. We still have the butterflies and all that but we both know long term it's just not a good match. I know how good this relationship has felt and I really want that again. I've had it before, and I've had relationships where I haven't had it but still had passion, good sex, etc. At the same time, I don't want to pass up on some great guy simply because my stomach doesn't flop around when he shows up. Good advice about the pity dating. I would hate to think someone was with me and didn't think I was all that great or pretty so I don't want to do that to someone else. Now I remember why I hate dating and looking so much. Ugh. The headache of it all! I'm much better suited for an R than singleville.
GoodOnPaper Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 If you date someone you don't really feel physical attraction for, remind yourself that someone else will likely think that person is the hottest thing since sliced bread. Are differences in taste REALLY that dramatic? I would think it's more like one woman thinking that a guy is in the top 20% (looks/attractionwise) while another woman thinks he's maybe top 25% or top 15%. Not that there is numeric precision, but to me, it's always seemed that the same top echelon of guys are lusted after by nearly every woman.
Kamille Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Are differences in taste REALLY that dramatic? I would think it's more like one woman thinking that a guy is in the top 20% (looks/attractionwise) while another woman thinks he's maybe top 25% or top 15%. Not that there is numeric precision, but to me, it's always seemed that the same top echelon of guys are lusted after by nearly every woman. IME, there's two things to distinguish: 1) Who my friends and I will all agree is good looking (it's more like we all objectively agree is good looking) 2) Who we actually individually date and find attractive. You'd be surprised at the discrepancy between the two. Scenario: My friends and I might all joke around about finding *Mark* hot, and maybe my friend *Sophie* would like to date him, but in truth, the majority of my friends are not actually interested in Mark. While I may find Mark hot, I'm not actually attracted to him (or can't imagine the two of us having much in common on a date). Then there might be Dan, who makes me feel weak in the knees, but whom my friends think is *cute*. The physical attraction I feel towards Dan is about more than just pure physical appearance, more about an aura that he has that I find attractive. In my experience, my friends and I all operate in this way. That's why we don't usually end up dating the same guys. We simply aren't attracted to the same guys. Of course, I think generally speaking, women tend to be attracted to men who take care of themselves and know how to present themselves in their most attractive light. I think that we're pretty similar to men in this regard.
SteveC80 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Are differences in taste REALLY that dramatic? I would think it's more like one woman thinking that a guy is in the top 20% (looks/attractionwise) while another woman thinks he's maybe top 25% or top 15%. Not that there is numeric precision, but to me, it's always seemed that the same top echelon of guys are lusted after by nearly every woman. That is true women are attracted to the same small group of Men but luckily for average guys allot o fwomen are inimidatd by extremely good looking guys and dont pursue becasue they dotn think the guy will like thme or that if they do get in a relatonship they have to fight off the competiton So women will go with the less attractive guy whos not gonna make the women insecure becasue hes so good looking
Kamille Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 That is true women are attracted to the same small group of Men but luckily for average guys allot o fwomen are inimidatd by extremely good looking guys and dont pursue becasue they dotn think the guy will like thme or that if they do get in a relatonship they have to fight off the competiton So women will go with the less attractive guy whos not gonna make the women insecure becasue hes so good looking Nope. I don't **** a guy because I think I can't do any better. If I'm tearing a guy's clothes off, it's because I'm attracted to him. There's a lot more to what constitutes attraction than pure looks. There's compatibility. I'm actually attracted to different guys than my friends because I'm different from my friends. A part of me has to wonder though... Are you guys only projecting your own modus operandi onto women? As in, maybe you think only a small percentage of the female population is hot, and you and your buddies all agree on who those women are - but you're too insecure to appraoch them? Not saying all men do this - maybe just your group of friends.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 When women say they fell for a guy at first sight that is because he was in their top 5-10% looks wise. Physical attraction is subjective but women collectively strongly favor certain male traits. Like social status, income, and height. This translate into many women being into the same small group of guys. Yes, not everyone is the same but there is definitely a strong trend toward certain qualities. Think of a narrow bell curve focused on the top 5-10%. Men go for like the top 10-20% of women they find physically attractive, which is a little more inclusive than women. Guys like all sorts of different body types of women... maybe because women are naturally more aesthetically pleasing to look at. Additionally, each guy's subjective taste can very greatly in the female population. This results in a more broad attraction spectrum.
SteveC80 Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 When women say they fell for a guy at first sight that is because he was in their top 5-10% looks wise. Physical attraction is subjective but women collectively strongly favor certain male traits. Like social status, income, and height. This translate into many women being into the same small group of guys. Yes, not everyone is the same but there is definitely a strong trend toward certain qualities. Think of a narrow bell curve focused on the top 5-10%. Men go for like the top 10-20% of women they find physically attractive, which is a little more inclusive than women. Guys like all sorts of different body types of women... maybe because women are naturally more aesthetically pleasing to look at. Additionally, each guy's subjective taste can very greatly in the female population. This results in a more broad attraction spectrum. I agree Men are attracted to allot of diferent women more then vice versa
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