Any thoughts on what happened here?

[confused192]

Hey everyone! So here is the situation: about 2 years ago, I was casually involved with a great guy. I stress casually because of the fact that he lived in New York and I lived in Tennessee and he had literally JUST ended a 15 year marriage and was dealing with being a newly single dad when we met. So, long story short, after hanging out for 2-3 months or so, he decided that, given the turmoil in his personal life and his need to heal after his divorce, it would not be fair or appropriate for us to continue being together. He was quite upfront and very kind about the whole thing and I completely respected his decision. We wished each other well and went our separate ways.

 

Fast forward to the present (2 years later): Due to a great job offer, I recently relocated to New York. After getting settled in, I decided it couldn't hurt to just send him a hello email and see how he had been doing and let him know that I had finally escaped the south and moved to his neck of the woods. At first, I didn't hear anything from him and I didn't honestly think much about it. Then about 2 months after I sent that message, I get an email from him telling me that he hopes I am enjoying New York and that it was really great to hear from me. We started emailing back and forth. He asked if I had a guy and I told him no. I asked if he had a woman in his life and he told me that he is involved in a long distance relationship, which "can be frustrating." After a couple nights of emailing, he asked if he could come over. So he came over and we hung out in my apartment. He told me I looked great and he really was glad to see me.

 

Then we started talking about his relationship with his girlfriend, who lives in Los Angeles. He said there is a chance she will move here to New York but she doesn't know because she has a job and 3 kids out there (he has 2 kids himself). He says he loves her and that he is worried what will happen if she doesn't move and, honestly, what will happen if she does move. He said he has been a mess and he doesn't know what will happen or what to do about it. He only said that if she doesn't move, they've agreed that they can't continue their relationship this way. Then we started talking about me and my relationships. I have a thing for older men (I'm 26 and he's 43) and he asked me what it was that I saw in older men. I explained and he asked if I had met anyone that I found interesting. We talked a little more and then he had to leave (it was midnight). On the way out, he told me to please keep in touch and he kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug. Then he left. I haven't heard from him since (it happened last week).

 

SO...Any thoughts on what the heck that was all about?! I must say that I am not in any way hopeful that we will be together nor am I upset that he contacted me and wanted to see me. I think he is a great person and I have no hard feelings whatsoever towards him. I guess I am just wondering what happened here.

[lenny]

From my perspective it sounded friendly and he really needed someone to vent his issues with (probably doesn't know about LS ).

 

I wouldn't read more into it and if he did become available and started showing you some interest, you'd be a rebound again so watch out.

[confused192]

Thanks for your input Lenny! Yeah I kind of thought the same thing...but then part of me was like, why would he contact someone that he hasn't talked to in 2 years to vent about his girlfriend? This man has lived in New York for 20+ years and I know that he has a vast network of friends here, both men and women. So I guess that just confused me. I would think someone that he doesn't even really know much about any more would be an unlikely source to vent frustration to.

[oaks]

What expectations did you have when he asked if he could come over? I thought the story was going to end with "and then we ended up in bed" but it sounds like you have a friend. Well done, go up a level, have a banana. (What's the problem?)