Amanaman Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 After several successful dates over the course of several weeks, I finally got into a relationship with a girl which has been solid for the past month. We were in contact with each other everyday, saw each other a few times a week and were also very comfortable around each other's families. She has been incredibly loyal and committed with me throughout which I found refreshing sd the past few dates had ended after the first date and we had never really argued before - she even instigated the formation of the relationship. All of a sudden I get a "we need to talk" message before telling me online she thinks we're better off as friends. Her reasoning was that she wants someone who understands her family needs and wants to spend time with both her and her family and that she's also not able to commit because she's not over the death of a friend from a year ago. It was then left with the usual "we can still be friends" scenario. I don't have a close family of my own which is why she seemingly doesn't think I would understand, but in reality I've really enjoyed spending time with her family because of this, which she is fully aware of. As I mentioned before, she seemed very committed to me so this sudden 360 turn is a bit of a shock. She has also expressed to both me and others that this is the happiest she has been in a long time due to the aforementioned death, and I really want to support her through it. I'm absolutely crushed am finding it hard to accept after becoming involved with both her and her family so regularly. She has also done this after I helped her move into her new place just to add insult to injury. Several people I have spoken to think her reasons are excuses for some sort of cover up as it all doesn't make sense. There has been no contact since yesterday, so I'm thinking of asking to meet in person over the weekend to talk through it but I have no idea what to say.
MarlyStar Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 ...telling me online she thinks we're better off as friends. Her reasoning was that she wants someone who understands her family needs and wants to spend time with both her and her family and that she's also not able to commit because she's not over the death of a friend from a year ago. It was then left with the usual "we can still be friends" scenario. I'm sorry. I'd be shocked too. So...what are her family needs that you aren't in sync with? Do you have any idea why she thinks you don't want to spend time with her family when you showed by performance that you did want to spend time with them and enjoyed it? Who was this friend? Was it a boyfriend? If not, why would the death of a friend interfere with a commitment. I sort of agree with your friends that she's not being all the way honest.
Imajerk17 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) It's an excuse. She felt bad telling you that she wasn't feeling it. *Especially* if she gave you the opposite impression on your dates. So she had to come up with something else. Sorry bro, but no one breaks up for the above reasons, given your behavior as you described here. Edited March 9, 2011 by Imajerk17
Author Amanaman Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) I really don't know, it doesn't add up at all... She went as far as saying "it's like you don't even try to understand." The problem is I'm an only child and she has close siblings that live together so I've never experienced that before. But considering I made a conscious effort to get to know them (she said before she was happy I got on with them), it's a bit of an insult. I was very nervous about the first meet, but she knows by now I don't have a problem with them. It just seems odd for her to be happy one day and then make a complete 360 the next. She wasn't very talkative with me for the couple of days beforehand but I attributed it to the stress of moving house and everything else. Something seems to have been triggered from that point, unless she was feeling this before and wanted to get the most out of me. Either way, the sheer abruptness of it has left me hurt. We made so much progress and yet I feel like we haven't been given a chance to fully blossom. Edited March 9, 2011 by Amanaman
MarlyStar Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Maybe someone else popped up in her life? You'll never know I suppose.
Author Amanaman Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 And the death was of a friend she knew online, I believe. According to her, the fact she's not over it = baggage that is making her unhappy and therefore unable to commit 100%.
Author Amanaman Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 Anyone else been in a similar situation? Should I wait for her or approach her myself? It seems like such silly reasoning if it's true and she meant everything she said before
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