Jonah Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Do you OW scratch? Even a little? Or wear more than normal perfume, leave things in cars or anything like that? Do you ever ask about the W during foreplay or sex?
fooled once Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Do you OW scratch? Even a little? Or wear more than normal perfume, leave things in cars or anything like that? Do you ever ask about the W during foreplay or sex? I'll bite I never did any of the above.
Spark1111 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I'll bite. Why do you want to know? What is your point in asking?
Emme Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 No hun. It's just a connection between two people. Whatever extra ideas you might think that we do to entice a married man often times isn't the case.
carrie999 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Scratch? That is a disgusting connotation...though it certainly caught my interest in your thread. No, I don't "scratch." MM is a decent guy who got married for the wrong reasons when he was young and naive and didn't take into account that while he loved his wife, he was never in love, no matter how much we wished he was. His wife is a wonderful woman who is not a good match for him, but deserves much better than what we are doing. I never asked about their sex life, and never considered telling her about us or doing anything to get him caught. If he was the kind of guy who screwed around with me and multiple OW and treated everyone like crap, I would be more apt to come out and tell her exactly what happened between us than to play games. Even without me in the picture, he's very likely to leave her eventually. And she is likely to blame herself. If she knew the whole story, including his infidelity, she'd find a way to blame herself even more. (I know her well enough to know this). She deserves the whole truth, but she's probably better off getting it in pieces, which will allow her to turn her anger outward toward him (and us) than inward. I know what everyone will say. 1.) We will get caught eventually because we'll let our guard down at some point. 2.) If I cared so much, why would I be doing this? And 3.)We're both terrible people for doing this and have no right to decide what is right for her. Not disagreeing with what I expect to hear from this post. But I really do care about her, and so does he, and we've essentially backed off to a degree while figuring out how to handle this. But I truly do care about what happens to her, and know that as much as she deserves complete honesty, she isn't ready for the whole truth all at once. So the roundabout answer to your question is that no, I have no interest in revealing this affair to his wife until he is ready...unless she asks me point-blank, in which case I'll be honest about the fact that we are more than friends.
woinlove Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Scratch? That is a disgusting connotation...though it certainly caught my interest in your thread. No, I don't "scratch." MM is a decent guy who got married for the wrong reasons when he was young and naive and didn't take into account that while he loved his wife, he was never in love, no matter how much we wished he was. His wife is a wonderful woman who is not a good match for him, but deserves much better than what we are doing. I never asked about their sex life, and never considered telling her about us or doing anything to get him caught. If he was the kind of guy who screwed around with me and multiple OW and treated everyone like crap, I would be more apt to come out and tell her exactly what happened between us than to play games. Even without me in the picture, he's very likely to leave her eventually. And she is likely to blame herself. If she knew the whole story, including his infidelity, she'd find a way to blame herself even more. (I know her well enough to know this). She deserves the whole truth, but she's probably better off getting it in pieces, which will allow her to turn her anger outward toward him (and us) than inward. I know what everyone will say. 1.) We will get caught eventually because we'll let our guard down at some point. 2.) If I cared so much, why would I be doing this? And 3.)We're both terrible people for doing this and have no right to decide what is right for her. Not disagreeing with what I expect to hear from this post. But I really do care about her, and so does he, and we've essentially backed off to a degree while figuring out how to handle this. But I truly do care about what happens to her, and know that as much as she deserves complete honesty, she isn't ready for the whole truth all at once. So the roundabout answer to your question is that no, I have no interest in revealing this affair to his wife until he is ready...unless she asks me point-blank, in which case I'll be honest about the fact that we are more than friends. Gawd, Carrie, since she is a friend of yours, I hope she isn't feeling crazy, like there is something wrong, but she doesn't know what it is, and her mind won't let her believe that the people she loves and trusts are betraying her. I don't know her, but getting the truth in pieces sounds like complete and absolute living hell to me. I can't imagine living that way. Do you think she suspects? If so, how is she handling that?
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I only did this with one person, who was not married at the time: just dating. I didn't find out he was with someone else until a good six months into it though. Our relationship was just casual enough that we didn't do the 'spending the night' thing together, and we would mainly just 'meet up' so I wasn't aware that he was still with his long time girlfriend (they had been together years by this time but I thought they had broken up). The sex was feral and crazy at times - lots of love bites, hickeys, scratches: he encouraged it (albeit I kept it to places you could only see with clothing removed). He had a big Henry Miller fixation and that played a large part in what we did. I remember when I found out he was still with his girlfriend - I was livid, and dumped him. There was no way his girlfriend could not have noticed all of that. In fact she did notice, and didn't mind. Turns out those two had a kink where they would each sleep with other people and then report back to each other while f*cking each other (he told me about this a few years later when he was trying to get me to sleep with him again). Gross. That was 15 years ago. They are married now, presumably still doing the kinky stuff. They remind me of the song Gary and Melissa by King Missile. Big time kink. The only time I was an OW to someone and the betrayed girlfriend didn't mind a bit. *shudder* I never did that with any of the other married/attached guys I was with. They didn't encourage it of course, and I generally don't do that anyway. I did it with that one guy because he wanted me to.
Author Jonah Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 MM is a decent guy Do you love this MM? I am having a difficult time measuring this emotion. Can you tell? What does your love feel like? When I was getting divorced from w1, my I told my counselor that I loved my wife. He said "yes you probably do... like a pet poodle".
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I remember an OW who used to post here a very very long time ago and she would purposely put a bunch of her hair strands on the pillows in the MM's bedroom, and also in the bathroom..She'd use the wife's brush too.
carrie999 Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Gawd, Carrie, since she is a friend of yours, I hope she isn't feeling crazy, like there is something wrong, but she doesn't know what it is, and her mind won't let her believe that the people she loves and trusts are betraying her. I don't know her, but getting the truth in pieces sounds like complete and absolute living hell to me. I can't imagine living that way. Do you think she suspects? If so, how is she handling that? I know. Fortunately (and unfortunately), she is the least suspicious or jealous person I've ever met, and he says she's always been that way...and until now, never had a reason not to trust him. I don't know if it's a defense mechanism or she truly trusts him that much.
carrie999 Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Do you love this MM? I am having a difficult time measuring this emotion. Can you tell? What does your love feel like? When I was getting divorced from w1, my I told my counselor that I loved my wife. He said "yes you probably do... like a pet poodle". Interesting. Harsh, but a good point...he has a really strange way of showing that he loves her. I suppose we could get into a long philosophical discussion about what love means, and exactly how one loves different people. He certainly doesn't love her as a wife. I'm actually going to ask him this exact question: "how" does he love her? To answer your question, I love MM very deeply, and just enough to let him go if/when this situation blows up, which could happen in a million ways...the most obvious of which would be getting caught and his wife blaming herself and suffering so much that he can't leave. I've never been involved with anyone attached to someone else in any way, and the last thing I expected was to fall completely in love with him. You asked what my love for him feels like, and I can't describe it in a way that does it any justice, but I'll give it a shot: besides the intensity of our passion, I quickly felt free to be completely myself with him, and him with me. I could go stories that describe why I feel like this has a real chance despite the circumstances, but that doesn't describe how I feel about him, or why I KNOW that if we were both single, I'd have no doubts about him. I've been in a few long-term relationships with wonderful men who just weren't right for me. Most of them are now wonderful husbands to someone who fit them better than I did. In the best relationships, including the two times I've been engaged, I could see the future. I could see the first year of marriage, and having kids, and raising them together, and arguing but being good parents...and it pretty much ended there. With MM, we were out hiking one day and ended up in a lengthy conversation with a retired couple at our lunch spot. And I saw us, at 75 or 80, being that retired couple who had raised kids and watched their grandkids grow up, and still enjoyed spending their days together hiking and traveling. With MM, I can see the future long after the height of the passion dies down, and life has thrown a million curveballs in our direction, and we've worked through it together and not only survived, but remained best friends. I could never really envision anything like this with anyone before...I could never imagine growing old together with any clear picture in mind. That's how my love for him feels...real and unshakable. Our relationship might not last, given the situation. I'll always think of past relationships with some fondness but no regrets, but this is the only person I'd regret not having a chance to grow old with.
OWoman Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I remember an OW who used to post here a very very long time ago and she would purposely put a bunch of her hair strands on the pillows in the MM's bedroom, and also in the bathroom..She'd use the wife's brush too. Sorry, but that's just... gross! I'm sure most of us don't wear other people's underwear, or use their toothbrushes, or rinse and use their used sanitary products. Even using someone else's shower can transmit their athlete's foot to you, so why would you purposefully want to expose yourself to whatever lurgies they have to pass on?
PeachyPink Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Sorry, but that's just... gross! I'm sure most of us don't wear other people's underwear, or use their toothbrushes, or rinse and use their used sanitary products. Even using someone else's shower can transmit their athlete's foot to you, so why would you purposefully want to expose yourself to whatever lurgies they have to pass on? Or pass yours (general you) on to someone else...
xxoo Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Sorry, but that's just... gross! I'm sure most of us don't wear other people's underwear, or use their toothbrushes, or rinse and use their used sanitary products. Even using someone else's shower can transmit their athlete's foot to you, so why would you purposefully want to expose yourself to whatever lurgies they have to pass on? While I agree with the above, I would be far more concerned about the the lurgies swapped while sleeping with the same man
greengoddess Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Sorry, but that's just... gross! I'm sure most of us don't wear other people's underwear, or use their toothbrushes, or rinse and use their used sanitary products. Even using someone else's shower can transmit their athlete's foot to you, so why would you purposefully want to expose yourself to whatever lurgies they have to pass on? lol how is using her toothbrush any different than having sex with her husband passing the man back and forth. I have a feeling most of the married men don't even like their mistresses to wear perfume. I've read some ow who have even had to change to his brand of soap. how degrading.
Rose1977 Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Sorry, but that's just... gross! I'm sure most of us don't wear other people's underwear, or use their toothbrushes, or rinse and use their used sanitary products. Even using someone else's shower can transmit their athlete's foot to you, so why would you purposefully want to expose yourself to whatever lurgies they have to pass on? Owoman, I generally agree with a lot of your posts, but this one seems like such an oxymoron. I am aware in your situation that your now H wasn't sleeping with his wife, but for *most* OW here, they are doing things a lot more intimate with their AP than using the wife's hairbrush or shower. Even just kissing.... knowing that I kissed my BF after he kissed her skeeved me out. Prime example, he had the stomach flu last week which of course I ended up catching. If he were still unfaithful, his AP probably would have picked it up too. The whole thing just grosses me out. And with the Athelete's Foot example, even if the W had it, she could give that to her H from using their shower at home. Then he meets with his OW in a hotel or whatever, they share a shower... ewww.. I need to go Lysol my house now LOL... germs just gross me out. I know you can pick up all this stuff anywhere - at the gym, work, wherever, but it would seem that intimate relations with someone make it a lot more possible to pass on "lurgies"... BTW, what is a lurgie LOL?
OWoman Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Or pass yours (general you) on to someone else... I guess that would be more of a worry for those with dubious personal hygiene. I'm clean, and I test regularly and keep an eye on my physical condition so I know I don't have anything to pass on to anyone else. I take responsibility for my own health and I'm a responsible sexual partner. I accept that not everybody does this, which is why that kind of up-close exposure gives me the higgly-jigglies.
PeachyPink Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 BTW, what is a lurgie LOL?A fictitious, highly infectious disease; often used in the phrase "the dreaded lurgy", sometimes as a reference to flu-like symptoms.
Rose1977 Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I've never heard of that, we call something like that the cooties. LOL, ironically, my BF and I went to kindergarten together and our parents used to make us play together and I used to bitch to my mom that I didn't want to play wth him b/c he had the cooties. Who knew 27 years later he would expose me to something far worse than cooties
OWoman Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 While I agree with the above, I would be far more concerned about the the lurgies swapped while sleeping with the same man lol how is using her toothbrush any different than having sex with her husband passing the man back and forth. Having sex with ANYONE can expose you to lurgies if you don't practice safer sex and take the necessary precautions. I've never "passed a husband back and forth" so I can't comment on that, but I've had extended periods of sexual non-exclusivity myself and have never contracted anything from anyone, because I am careful and responsible. And clean. I have a feeling most of the married men don't even like their mistresses to wear perfume. I've read some ow who have even had to change to his brand of soap. how degrading. This I can't comment on either, as I've no experience of it nor have heard of anyone else's first hand experience of such either. I use very unusual perfume, because of my preferences and my allergies, and I've never had any man balk at it.
PeachyPink Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I guess that would be more of a worry for those with dubious personal hygiene. I'm clean, and I test regularly and keep an eye on my physical condition so I know I don't have anything to pass on to anyone else. I take responsibility for my own health and I'm a responsible sexual partner. I accept that not everybody does this, which is why that kind of up-close exposure gives me the higgly-jigglies.They do say that when you have unprotected sex with someone, you are essentially having sex with all of their previous partners with whom they have also had unprotected sex. I agree with you wholeheartedly on the higgly jigglies! If I had sex with a MM, the thought that I was also having sex with his wife.
OWoman Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 BTW, what is a lurgie LOL? It's something they say in the UK - I think it came from the Goon Show originally, as in "the dreaded lurgy"... but it's basically any germ or disease or anything you think may be contagious in a kind of non-specific, all-encompassing way.
OWoman Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 They do say that when you have unprotected sex with someone, you are essentially having sex with all of their previous partners with whom they have also had unprotected sex. Exactly!! Which is why people need to take responsibility for their sexual health.
donnamaybe Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I guess that would be more of a worry for those with dubious personal hygiene. I'm clean, and I test regularly and keep an eye on my physical condition so I know I don't have anything to pass on to anyone else. I take responsibility for my own health and I'm a responsible sexual partner. I accept that not everybody does this, which is why that kind of up-close exposure gives me the higgly-jigglies. Yeah, people who bathe and exercise NEVER get sick or share germs with anyone else because they have this force field around them. Didn't ya'all know that?
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