eleanorhurting Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Yesterday I bumped into my ex boyfriend at a party. I never thought he would have been there. I felt like all my progress of NC and not seeing him came crashing down. We broke up December 19th but still texted/emailed until January 27th when I told him I wanted to go NC and I asked him to please grant me that space (he usually contacted me first which led led me to beg him to forgive me and come back to me in some form and then I would end up like it was day 1). I feel like this has helped me heal... eventhough I broke it on one occasion and then regretted it immediately. But seeing him last night just brought all these emotions to surface... maybe I am just fooling myself into thinking I'm healing? I dreamt last night that he was getting married and I was upset in the dream. A week prior to that I dreamt that he died and i was sad and people in my dream told me not to be sad because I was the one that screwed up the relationship and let him go and he was no longer part of my life. I know that the breakup was 100% my fault and I take full credit for that. This is so hard! I feel like I read things/post here all the time. Am I obsessing? I am seeing a therapist and it has helped somewhat. I dont want to flunk out of medical school because of this. I guess this post really doesn't have a point I am just sad and trying to deal with it... some days are good somedays are so so (like today). But the absolutely great days have been like... what? 3 maybe? If I could talk to him right now I would tell him: I am so sorry for what I did. You didn't deserve that and I am struggling very hard to forgive myself and grow as a person. I know that you are better off and I hope that you are able to be happy someday with someone who appreciates you. I miss you so much. 80 days and the pain is still so real. I feel stuck.
Denillad Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) Always try to write ur thoughts here than tell him. If u've told him those words before then you don't need to say them again, he has to forgive you. If you made it clear that you would try again then I think you should just let him go and heal your broken heart. Mine haven't healed yet but Im in the process. If he comes back n you want him just be sure your emotionally prepared if it fails cause it may. This is my first and worst heartbreak experience n I almost went crazy. You are responsible for you and med school should be ur priorty. All u can do it give it your best and life will work itself out. Good luck!! Take care of yourself, as it's not an easy journey but you will get pass this if you do what you have to and go through the process of getting urself back. Edited March 9, 2011 by Denillad
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 Thank you He is never coming back I need to let go and move on. I just thought I had accepted that but suddenly I have been missing him all day.
Cassandra92 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Something similar happened to me too. My boyfriend and I broke up the 15th of December (utterly destroyed my Christmas, and the next 3 months to follow). But we kept talking and seeing each other, believing we could be 'friends'... and I would always end up trying to get him back, only to be slapped down. We still loved each other but it was complicated. I feel like I'm permanently living in the past, looking at old pictures and re-living times we shared. I see him in my dreams most nights. I moved to a different city for school and it's holding me back, I cannot enjoy anything or get into my studies. I just long for him every day and it's horrible. I'm interested that you are seeing a therapist though, because I made an appointment to see a counsellor tomorrow. I have some self-esteem issues to sort out, but the main issue is this breakup and how much it is killing me and completely throwing me off course. In what way has it helped you?
stopthemadness Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Hi all. A therapist is a great idea. Ive been going to one for a few months now and OMG its helped me soo much. I really am starting to feel like ive found my happy again. I joined a gym. And its true what you hear about joining a gym it really does help. I do still have bad days, like if i see (them) together, but it only last afew hours and is starting to hurt less and less. A therapist helps you understand that alot of this stuff is Their Bull**** and yours. Like you work on you, cause really thats all you can do at this point. I was very broken...and now not so much. I will one day love again and it will be awesome...Soo hang in there. keep posting it helps too, just be sure a post when your feeling better too...
Author eleanorhurting Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 My therapist has helped me see what I did wrong in the relationship and how I can fix that for the future... we also talked about how my boyfriend let me down and how I can deal with that situation more effectively in the future instead of making the mistakes that I made. Everyone says the thing about the gym... maybe I should go! I did adopt a dog from a shelter and it has been the best thing to come of this! I am absolutely in love with my dog! He is such a great companion! I know I will "love"again some day but in the meanwhile my dog is giving me lots of love and affection
Steadfast Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I did adopt a dog from a shelter and it has been the best thing to come of this! I am absolutely in love with my dog! He is such a great companion! I know I will "love"again some day but in the meanwhile my dog is giving me lots of love and affection More people should do this IMO. It is a great humanitarian move, but more than that is what you get in return. Dogs (especially ones rescued from a shelter) are so loyal and loving, they provide a great example to us. Think about it; it doesn't matter what you look like, smell like, how much money you have or where you live. They unconditionally love us because we love them. Could someone come in and sway your dog's affections? NO! It would be impossible. They will never leave and will do everything they can to show you how much they love you. We can learn much from them. That is real love.
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