TigerCub Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 You said so much more than that. You are putting the entire responsibility on Loveagain. She is in love with this man. They are married. Her self esteem has been worn down. Her behavior is perfectly normal for a woman in her position. She needs support, not to be blamed. I'm not blaming her, but I don't believe that just because her husband is the way he is, that she is completely free of any responsibility for her own actions. Since threats of physical violence were made against her AND HER SON - she needs to think of that and act in a way that protects him - even if it means leaving this man that she loves. I'm not trying to be mean to her, but her own son is being threatened, and although I can sympathize with the fact that she is a victim as well - I think that she can take action and make changes - being a victim doesn't mean that she is completely free of any responsibility or the consequences of her (in)action.
Silly_Girl Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I don't think it was insensitive. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I just got so mad FOR HER for putting up with so much crap. She comes up with any excuse not to leave this guy - you suggest she goes to a safe house. I suggested she leave him - what's the difference??! You suggest she takes her son into consideration. I did the same. How is your post any better? Tiger, I will be frank. Having been in a similar position to the OP, I actually found your post verging on bullying. I'm sorry if that hurts or offends you.
carrie999 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 The abuse you have suffered is the main issue hon, you really need to do whatever it is that you have to do to protect yourself and your son. He is an addict but that is no excuse for his threats and intimidation. Please keep you and your son safe and I'm sorry this has happened to you. I hadn't read past the first few threads when I posted. He needs to go, and if he's threatening you, consider a restraining order immediately.
Phateless Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I'm not blaming her, but I don't believe that just because her husband is the way he is, that she is completely free of any responsibility for her own actions. Since threats of physical violence were made against her AND HER SON - she needs to think of that and act in a way that protects him - even if it means leaving this man that she loves. I'm not trying to be mean to her, but her own son is being threatened, and although I can sympathize with the fact that she is a victim as well - I think that she can take action and make changes - being a victim doesn't mean that she is completely free of any responsibility or the consequences of her (in)action. I agree with this. She needs to recognize that it's time to go.
Silly_Girl Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I agree with this. She needs to recognize that it's time to go. I don't disagree with that in principle. But ranting at someone in LA's position is likely to do more harm than good.
TigerCub Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Tiger, I will be frank. Having been in a similar position to the OP, I actually found your post verging on bullying. I'm sorry if that hurts or offends you. I'm not offended at all. Thanks for being honest silly_girl. I don't mean to sound like a bully. I understand that she's the victim, HOWEVER....she has a child. I don't care if the following sounds insensitive, but children are not capable of fending for themselves and so they are basically at the mercy of their parents and the choices those parents make for them. Her son can't run away and start a life on his own, and he's stuck in such awful conditions because she's still in love with the man that threatened both, her life and her child's. If it was just her, I might be more into coddling like everyone is, but it really does anger me, because a parent should put their child and their child's well-being, safety, and happiness first. I'm not trying to be insensitive to the OP, but she does have a responsibility to her son, and it angers me and breaks my heart to think of how he's trapped in such an awful unhappy and unsafe home because she's still in love with her abusive husband. Maybe I don't understand what its like to have an abusive partner - maybe that's why I'm not sugar coating anything with her - but I do remember what it was like to be a child that is STUCK in an unhappy home, where circumstances and everything is beyond the child's control, they're just stuck there and at the mercy of the parents bad choices.
Phateless Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I'm not offended at all. Thanks for being honest silly_girl. I don't mean to sound like a bully. I understand that she's the victim, HOWEVER....she has a child. I don't care if the following sounds insensitive, but children are not capable of fending for themselves and so they are basically at the mercy of their parents and the choices those parents make for them. Her son can't run away and start a life on his own, and he's stuck in such awful conditions because she's still in love with the man that threatened both, her life and her child's. If it was just her, I might be more into coddling like everyone is, but it really does anger me, because a parent should put their child and their child's well-being, safety, and happiness first. I'm not trying to be insensitive to the OP, but she does have a responsibility to her son, and it angers me and breaks my heart to think of how he's trapped in such an awful unhappy and unsafe home because she's still in love with her abusive husband. Maybe I don't understand what its like to have an abusive partner - maybe that's why I'm not sugar coating anything with her - but I do remember what it was like to be a child that is STUCK in an unhappy home, where circumstances and everything is beyond the child's control, they're just stuck there and at the mercy of the parents bad choices. This is true. If it's only her life at stake, she's being foolish. If it's her son's life at stake, she's being reckless and irresponsible.
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