vj74 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Hello guys I really need your help. The story is a little large, so i would try to make it short so you can tell me what to do. I have been married for 4 years already. Last year in October, I start noticing my wife a little different. She spent a lot of time in the computer, the sex was dicreasing, his behavior with me changed. So, I started to investigate. Once, she was on Facebook, went to the store and forgot to close fb. then I discovered a conversation between her and another guy. They were seeing each for 2 weeks already. When I confront her, she said that she did it for revange, because she saw a couple of transaction in my credit card for Expedia. Those transactions were done during a couple of business trips, I request Expedia to send me the report of them and showed to her. After a long conversation that night, I decided to forgive her, and "try"to start again. She told me it was an error, she was confused, and she will erase this guy information from fb and her cell. OK, a week after that, I heard her cell phone bip, as when a text message came in... I look at the number and was his, She just left his number but put a girls name on the address book. That was devastated for me. I left the house that night but she was calling and calling every day asking for forgiveness.... After a week, I returned. I'm deeply in love with this girl. She said that she adores me, but the feelings are not the same as before, because all that happened. She asked me for time and promised me she will get that love back again. There have been 3 month already and every thing seems to go smooth, but inside me is not. I have no live thinking on where is she, what is she doing, why is taing so long to get home, ... thounsands of questions.... I need your help guys. Have any one had this experience before? What should I do? I'd really appreciate it. thanks in advance VJ
race_engine Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 damn. that's not good to hear man. if you weren't married i'd say leave her and never look back. but you're already married for 4 years, it's not so easy to just break off and leave like that. first of all, the thing she said about "give me time, the love will come back again" is complete and utter bull****. right now she's just trying to make sure she doesn't have to go through a divorce or that you don't leave her on her ass or anything, so she's just trying to protect herself. maybe she will keep her legs closed for the next few weeks or even months, but it is only to avoid conflict, inside her head she may still be very much thinking about cheating, just not doing it at this moment. if i were you i would probably just continue on as normal, do NOT grovel at her feet or anything though, you can forgive her but make it clear that you are very disappointed and have lost almost all your trust for her. what she did was wrong and it is not okay behavior for a married woman to do, whether she thought you cheated first or not, i think that's just an alibi to justify herself. too many guys, in their desperation to keep the woman they love, just "forgive and forget" and pretend nothing happened, they instantly put it behind them and some EVEN go as far as thinking THEY did something wrong so they buy the girl flowers, take her out to dinner, etc!!! how much of a schmuck can one be?! they are basically prasing the girl for doing them wrong and encouraging her to do it again. that is not the way to go about it obviously lol if you have any self-respect. i'd say stay with her at this point, but don't grovel at her feet or ask her repeatedly why she did it, and show her that you're very hurt by it, or she'll just feel like she has power over you. simply forgive her, but don't trust her again for a while, and make her earn back your trust if she wants it. i'd say don't even show her that much attention any more, at least for a while, and if she really feels bad about what she did and loves you, then she will find a way to show you she is genuinely sorry and try to earn back your trust. if that doesn't happen and she just goes back to using facebook again....then you know what is going on. catch her cheating one more time and you dump that bitch and you dump her HARD. like the saying goes "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". hopefully it doesn't come to that. anyway that's all i got, i'm not married so i might not be the best candidate to give you advice, but that's what i think i would do. good luck man.
Bryanp Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 What we know is that your wife is a liar and a cheat. She claims to have been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks because of some business transactions in expedia? This is known as blame shifting. She says it was a big mistake but you found out again that she has been contacting him and is hiding his number under a girls name on her phone. What is wrong with this picture. First you both need to be tested for STD's. If she was seeing this guy for a couple of weeks behind your back you know she was not just playing checkers with him. The sad part is that there is a good chance that she has taken the affair underground now because she knows you are on to her. Why would she hid his number after she was caught if she had no intention of continuing to fool around with him? She is playing you for a complete fool. If the roles were reversed do you think she would be as understanding as you have been. It sounds like she was just looking for an excuse. You should demand to know who this person is. Find out if he is married and expose it to his girlfriend or wife. The bottom line is that you now know that you are married to a wife who cheats on you and lies to you while hiding the phone number of her boyfriend. Why would you settle for this? Her actions indicate she has little respect for you or your intelligence. If you do not respect yourself then who will? I wish you luck.
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