is2008 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 For those that decide to keep one or more photos after a breakup, do you put them away and never look at them or do you keep revisiting them? For me unfortunately, I keep revisiting them over and over again. I'm not sure whether it's counter productive or whether it's helping me get over her by reminding myself that she's only human with flaws. I really want to get over her so what does everyone suggest?
ccfan Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) IS: I used to have this extremely beautiful picture of my ex GF, i fell in love with it even before we were a couple... my dilema after she dumped me 6 months ago was to keep it or not... answer: NOT to keep it, i gathered all of her stuff and threw it to the garbage. I´ve been folloing your posts very closely as your ex it´s so similar mine in so many ways, mine also wanted a "beautiful friendship" , i said no, mine was also extremely friendly with other guys making my life miserable during our time together, and mine was obsesed with money... even with all those huge red flags i fell in love and i´m paying the price now. As it´s seems it happened with your ex as well , mine was somedays really into me, and then she was not... it was a horrible rollercoaster and i felt like the guy from the movie 500 Days of Summer .... definetely not fun. the last card we have to play to keep our dignity is to NEVER give in on the friendship nonsense... they do that to feel better about themselves, never for really caring about us. I don´t know if it happens to you but i go back and forth from missing her to be angry remembering how bad she was with me, the point is that she is on my mind all the time again (for a good 3 weeks she dissapeared from my head.. i was so happy). Don´t sabotage your recovery by looking at her picture, everytime you do that you are putting her on a pedestal more and more... i won´t say that if you erase that pic you´ll be over her in a week , but it certainly helps. The only way to survive this emotional beating that you and i are having is by going NC all the way... i mean to never talk to them and not letting them know what we are doing... for good... no time limits. Edited March 9, 2011 by ccfan
Nick71 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I caved in after 6 weeks & went through the 700 or so photos from our relationship over the weekend. Surprisingly most of it made me smile & feel warm feelings but then that evening was a right-off as I sank lower & lower in mood & eventually into a packet of cigarettes (we both gave up as part of a 'brighter' future on NYE) & a small bottle of spirits. I'd deleted the photos from my PC near the beginning but kept them on a smart card for the Wii. I felt quite a relief after I had the idea Monday morning to post the smart card to my parents in UK, addressed to me. My mother will probably tell me something has turned up & do I want her to open it, I'll just ask her to put it away in a draw I have for some things in their guest room. I can no longer give in to temptation but I have not completely destroyed some memories I may well one day be able to enjoy with only good feelinigs. 5 years ago I deleted everything from a 6 year relationship & now I am completely over those bad feelings I have regretted that I cannot enjoy the memories recorded over that time if I so desire.
Author is2008 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 ccfan - thank you for reading my log. it's certainly been and continues to be a rollercoaster. i completely agree that the last card we can and should play is to never give into a friendship. mine takes every opportunity we talk to hurt my feelings and blame the breakup on me. like i mentioned in my log, it's like we're rewarding their bad behaviour and i will not allow that anymore. as for the photo, i think you're right about not looking at it and the whole pedestal effect. today is day 2 of my renewed NC and a measly day 1 of not looking at her photo. i do too go from missing her to being angry about the way she treated me and broke up with me but i'm hoping this pain subsides in the coming days and weeks. i just need to see it through to prevent the emotional beating you've mentioned. i hope you keep strong too. nick - i'm sorry to hear that you gave into temptation after 6 weeks but well done on mailing the smart card to your mum. as for the cigs, i hope you gave up again! don't ruin your progress. my previous relationship (was only 6-8 months) about 7 years ago... i don't think of the girl at all, nor do i wish i'd have kept any memories... this relationship though i'm not sure. it was meant to be forever and right now i want to get to a position i can let go and delete everything eventually and move on for good. but then again best case scenario is for her to bang my door down begging for forgiveness and seeking to right her wrongs... provided she's not been with anyone else in the meantime.
Layzie89 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I boxed up anything in my house that reminds me of my ex, burned all photos/videos of us onto DVD's..threw it in the box and stashed the box high up in my closet so it's hard to access, and a pain in the ass to get to if ever I get tempted to look at the pictures. This includes all the X-rated pictures/videos...looking at those are especially detrimental to your healing. Since I've done this, it's helped tremendously. ANYTHING that reminds you of your ex will only slow you down, get rid of it.
Good Arms Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I'd say definitely DON'T look at her photos. I know it's hard. I was looking at her photos a lot in the weeks following the break-up, but I largely managed to stop, although I've still relapsed sometimes when I've seen pictures of her on other people's Facebook pages (having deleted & blocked her)... I took a quick look which I'm ashamed to admit but didn't sit there pining over them. The pictures I have were all digital pics, and I've zipped them up into one password protected archive. I have no intention of looking at them again until I'm over her (probably years down the line, if ever) but I'd definitely say you should keep them, just make sure you can prevent yourself from looking at them. It will always set you back.
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