Renewed Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Good Morning I have lurked this board for a few days and after reading something about someone else's relationship I decided to write something about my relationship. I have been with a man for 3 1/2 years. I have two children who love him and see him as there father. The problem is this man has many issues. The first being his weird estranged relationship with his mother. His mother never really raised him, instead he was more like the families child. Everyone in his family has had a chance raising him because his mother would rather be laid up under another man than take care of her responsibilities. Well during our entire relationship she has not like me, nor has she accepted my children. In the past years she has only been to our house once for thirty minutes and this was on christmas day. She has another child that lives on the same street as us and she goes to see him constantly but doesn't stop by over here. I know this hurts my boyfriend as he has several childhood wounds that still hurt. My boyfriend was her cash cow before me and him got a place together. Needless to say his mother has a husband but she still asked him for money all the time. His mother is the type that wants her children to never grow up and be codependent on her. She will call every once in a while with the latest doom and gloom news about how she was in the hospital, how her back went out etc etc etc. Her occupation is suing different companies. To date since I have been with him she has sued over 7 companies and has several outstanding trials that still haven't had its court date yet. She has a "back" problem and there fore she can't work and really can't do much unless it is a weekend when she wants to go out. My boyfriend and I are on our last leg at the moment because honestly I can't take it anymore. Me and my kids are happy people that love to do things together. He is a loner that likes to be by himself. If me or my children are in some type of pain whether it be emotional or physical he hardly shows any empathy but if a stranger (or his mother) has an issue his heart goes out to them. He has gone out of his way more to help a stranger than he has our "family". When he gets mad at me he ignores me, it can be for days the longest has been two weeks. He is very selfish and very jealous of my relationship with my children and he will not do things with the family like play video games or boar games. The only thing we do together is watch tv or a movie. He says that playing video games brings out a nasty side to him (crazy). He is very mentally abusive. He says things when he is "joking" but he is really not, a joke is funny not something that hurts someones feelings. His jokes are not jokes. If i spend to much time with my kids he gets angry and mad and acts like a child. My children are young and he is really the only father they know, I use to let him spank them when they were bad but then my daughter told me he spanks them to harsh so I told him I do not want him spanking them anymore and I want to try different methods of punishment because he does not know the proper way to spank a child (and yes i believe in spanking-spare the rod spoil the child) However there is a difference between spanking and beating. He does not fit in our family dynamic at all. I call him "Mr Serious man" he doesn't seem to believe that children are suppose to have fun in life. He thinks that their lives should just be about making their parents proud. His image of a family is so wacked because he never grew up with his parents, and he just lived a crazy life. I tried to be supportive of him because I knew he had a hard life, but I cannot let someone negatively impact my life and my childs life. Over the last year and a half I notice that the fun had been sucked out of everyones life. Me and my children that use to laugh and play all the time rarely had anything to laugh at. We had all become little "mr serious mans" and it was really sad. Besides not being fun to be around, my boyfriend also has "cyber" cheated on me, he carried out flirtatious relationships with other women the first time i found out about it I confronted him and he said he wouldnt do it again. Yes, you guessed it...that was a lie and he continued to do it until just last September when I saw a very crazy text and I told him to get his isht and leave. Since then he has not been doing anything else, however the damage has been done. I have fallen out of love with him and I have made my escape route. I am going to wait for my children to get out of school (and me too, I also went back to school starting last semester 4.0 gpa I might add!!) And I am moving. I feel so relieved to know that this negative aspect of my life will be gone. This guy has so many deep rooted issues with not only his mother but just with life in general. His visions and his values and his ideas of what life is about is so out of wack that it is ridiculous. He has a very good government job, but wants to be a musician. He does everything for his pipe dream, and i mean everything. And while his music is good, he does not have the demeanor to make it in that world. He has no friends because he pushed them away because they didn't agree with him about one thing or another. He has no conflict resolution skills. He would rather yell at me about a problem with the kids than to sit down and talk to me about it and fine some solutions. He is currently not talking to me because I wouldn't let him discipline my son for something he had done bad in school. To be honest it feels good not to talk to him. I have been through hell and back with this man and I feel that I gave him my power early on in our relationship and now I am taking it back!!!! I have learned so much through this relationship and I know my worth and what I will never ever put up with in a relationship. I've tried reading those books on love, I've tried to show him how much he means to me and how much I care but at the end of the day my kids and me are the ones that suffered. We use to be a family that joked and played around all the time but living with a man who does not believe in that zapped the energy out of our relationship. My kids no longer wanted to be around a negative person, his attitude towards us when we were having fun put a damper on their life. My kids also started asking me why I let him act the way he does. Well I am happy to say that I have regained the fun times in our lives and that he is getting kicked tot he side. School is almost done and I am sooo happy!!!!!!!!!!!!! Women remember always put your children first. They are what matter the most. If a man can't get with it then he is NOT the one for you. The funny thing is, my boyfriend wants me to be exactly like his mom. He wants me to give him all my attention and keep my kids in the background. That is not how a family works. He is a very selfish man who may never know what it is life to have a family. Thank you for listening. I hope you all have a wonderful day!!!!
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