Eclypse Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Today a female friend of mine asked to hang out and we met in the city. We hung out for a bit. She bought several alcoholic beverages, I didn't have any as I had to drive home. Most of the conversation was pretty standard. Her complaining about her boyfriends and all the times she's cheated on them and how depressed she is etc (she actually had sex with another guy just 2 weeks while already dating her bf). I added my own thoughts whenever I could (which wasn't often). We caught the train home together and I decided to give her a lift from the station since it was raining pretty heavily. While on the train I noticed she had begun to lean on me and seemed to be wanting to cuddle. I should have backed away but I did nothing As I dropped her off she reached over for a goodbye hug when -- it happened. We shared a quick kiss on the lips before she got out and left to go home. She asked me if I wanted to come inside and I respectfully declined before driving off as fast as I could. I felt terrible the instant it happened. I shouldn't have let myself get into a situation with this girl. There's been definite sexual chemistry between us and I should have stopped it but for whatever reason I didn't. I actually felt aroused on the train while she was pressed up against me. There's no denying what she was after by inviting me in to her place. I feel incredibly guilty and tainted now. I'm not sure what I should do. Should I tell my girlfriend? Or just pretend this never happened. It was after all just one quick kiss, but even that is a big boundary crosser. I hate myself for letting myself do this. I've been friends with this girl for a long time, much longer than knowing my gf. I've been her confidante for years, I actually listened to her problems and helped her out whenever I could. And now this happened She is 17 and I'm 20 btw. I guess lately I've been feeling a bit neglected by my girlfriend. Not that that's much of an excuse (well it isn't any excuse at all). I love her dearly and I don't know what to do now
East7 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 If you are feeling such remorse, it means that you really love your GF. You don't want to hurt or cheat on someone you really love. It is not necessary to tell your GF about it, it was just a stolen kiss, you will hurt her a lot. Instead I would suggest to put some distance or cutt off your female friend and pretend nothing ever happened.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 If your girlfriend kissed another guy in exactly the same way, would you want to know?
Template Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 While normally I'd go on the "Relationship is all about honesty" rant, for some reason I think there are greater issues here. Most notably your, "I guess lately I've been feeling a bit neglected by my girlfriend". Maybe this is an excuse, maybe not, but if you truly do feel neglected, I think you should discuss this with her, and see what's going on
lemonlegs Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 You've acknowledged that you should never let yourself be in that position ever again. Because this girl was drunk and she kissed you, I put MOST of the blame on her. It's not like you were the one that leaned in and kissed her. However, you did allow yourself to be in that position. If my boyfriend were kissed by another girl and he genuinely felt no feelings for her and did not kiss her back and declined any further touching, etc, then I don't even think I'd want to know to be honest. THIS is the only exception, there's not many other circumstances where I'd say to shrug it off.
Knittress Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Am I the only person that thinks kissing someone isn't that huge a deal? No, it isn't great, for sure - but I would never classify it as cheating. I'd be more wary of the emotional connection signified by repeat kissing. Or maybe the fact that crossing this line means a loss of innocence in your friendship that will require a re-drawing of boundaries.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Am I the only person that thinks kissing someone isn't that huge a deal? No, it isn't great, for sure - but I would never classify it as cheating. I'd be more wary of the emotional connection signified by repeat kissing. Or maybe the fact that crossing this line means a loss of innocence in your friendship that will require a re-drawing of boundaries. So you wouldn't think it was a big deal if your boyfriend kissed another woman?
Author Eclypse Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 Thank you for the responses everyone. Yes she was slightly drunk, she tried to get me drunk too but I refused. She proudly tells me she's an alcoholic (and she's not even 18). She'd been wanting to meet up a lot before, mainly me coming over to her place to "hang" but I'd always made excuses and she got a little hurt I think so I took her up on the city hangout offer thinking it would be innocent. Ordinarily i wouldn't have dropped her off home but it was raining quite hard. I'm ashamed to admit but there is definite sexual chemistry and I find her very attractive. However I told myself no funny stuff would happen before and I let myself down. I talked with my gf about our certain issues and we've agreed to try work through them. I might keep this stolen kiss as a personal shame for now though. It most definitely wont happen again. I am a little confused about my feelings though. It's a bit of a rollercoaster. This girl I was with told me she was trying to get her "count" up to 10 guys before her 18th bday. That's next week and she's on 9 now and has a bf. I definatly did not / don't intend to be that 10th!!
Knittress Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 So you wouldn't think it was a big deal if your boyfriend kissed another woman? It wouldn't be the end of the world, no. Granted, if it was a repeated pattern of behavior, it would definitely warrant a conversation.
Author Eclypse Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) She is trashier than kesha. She's had sex with so many guys after losing her virginity to my friend a year ago. I wouldn't want to date her. My gf is definitely better for a relationship. It was a mutual kiss, a momentary lapse of reason. I was just as much to blame. In that split second I actually wanted to do it. Then I came back to my senses and definitely would not go and have sex with her. In resoonse to ruby slippers no I wouldn't be too happy with my gf if she kissed another guy, but I probably wouldn't want to know about it. Edited March 10, 2011 by Eclypse
Author Eclypse Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 I donno, Im in a relationship and I feel like kissing for me is way more cheating than having sex. I'd feel guilty about kissing another girl, but if I just had sex without kissing I wouldnt feel bad about it at all. Kissing is more intimate in my opinion, having sex is just getting over the urge, like eating a candy bar when you're hungry. For a girl its reversed imo, kissing is okay but sex is not. Is that weird? Well I dunno seems a little weird to me. Are you saying it would have been better if I'd just gone to her room and ****ed her like she was hinting we should instead of just kissing her once?
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