c.roberts Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 :confused:I am having a hard time right now and would like some outside insite on this. My wife and I have been married for 10 years. Have 2 wonderful children. Last weekend she told me she was no longer "in love" with me. Then I was told that she has been writing to this guy on a forum. This guy told her that she could ask him anything she wanted to (this is how she found out he isn't gay) and has found out that she and him have a lot of the same interests. She he told me she has feelings for this person and he her. She then stated she prayed to God about this. I am confused as I love my wife more then anything in the world and would do anything to get her back. But I don't know if she will change.
robf1971 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 :confused:I am having a hard time right now and would like some outside insite on this. My wife and I have been married for 10 years. Have 2 wonderful children. Last weekend she told me she was no longer "in love" with me. Then I was told that she has been writing to this guy on a forum. This guy told her that she could ask him anything she wanted to (this is how she found out he isn't gay) and has found out that she and him have a lot of the same interests. She he told me she has feelings for this person and he her. She then stated she prayed to God about this. I am confused as I love my wife more then anything in the world and would do anything to get her back. But I don't know if she will change. Sorry to say it, your wife is having an emotional affair (ea), Google it, you are going to have to nip this sh*t in the bud..
What_Next Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 There is a member here Owl that has went through a EA with his wife. He is now successfully reconciled, I will PM him to chime in on this thread.
You Go Girl Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 She then stated she prayed to God about this. Ok, so God has nothing better to do than listen to her yearnings for another man? Puleeze! If God is out there answering personal prayers, I sure hope it is to feed rice to the starving, and not turn his ever so busy eyes to your wife's infatuation. Does this "praying" absolve her of guilt? Make her look more innocent in your eyes or mine? I suppose the only person it really makes her look more innocent is, HERSELF! What she is feeling may be understandable, but the God line is really pathetic. Any man that would go after a wife with two kids is going to be a huge heartbreak, and your wife will find out soon enough if she follows this path. You can't stop a train wreck if the engineer insists upon plowing ahead. Look in her eyes with a "oh really?" look and ask her if she sincerely believes that such a man has her best interests at heart.
Owl Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 CR...What Next asked me to come and post on your thread. I've been in a very similar place, my friend. Several years ago, my wife got involved in an EA (emotional affair) with someone she met online. In our case, it was a result of playing an MMORPG. But overall you're dealing with very similar issues. Below is a link to my story from back then...if you like, feel free to read it, and see what might apply in your situation. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49539/ So let me ask you this...where are the two of you at now? What are you doing (or not doing) to try to reconcile your marriage? What is she doing, what is she saying? For you...I'd suggest that you read a couple of books to start with..."Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs/Her Needs". They can give you some ideas on things that might help. Second...I'd tell you not to be afraid. Don't let fear of losing her rule your decisions. Don't be afraid to INSIST on things that you need to safeguard your family and protect your marriage. There are a number of posters here with some excellent advice and experience. Hopefully we can help you get through all of this.
Author c.roberts Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 Oh wow, I read your story Owl. A lot of what you wrote does apply to my situation. She likes to spend a lot of time on the computer on one website in particular. She also does the same thing of shutting down the window when I walk in. When I asked her about this she say she does it with every website when someone comes in, but I know thats not true. She stays up late at night on said website I presume talking to this guy. My wife also suffers from depression. At this moment she is in South Carolina on a business trip. She told me while she was away that she wanted me to think about what I wanted and we would talk when she got back. I told her on Sunday that I was willing to do anything it meant to change. I.E. marriage counseling. I love her and see myself with her the rest of my life and I also feel that it would be devastating to the kids if we split up.
Owl Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 How does she describe her relationship with him? Does she feel she's in an EA, or is she claiming "just friends"? Have you confronted her point blank and told her that she's destroying your marriage with her actions? Or do you need to "gather evidence" to make it clear that this is more than she's telling you? Have you insisted that she stop, or risk losing you? Like I said...don't be afraid to insist on what you need. If she refuses...she needs to suffer some consequences for her choices. Take a look at marriagebuilders.com...just avoid the forums. If you've got any direct questions for me on how I did what...let me know.
hopesndreams Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 At this moment she is in South Carolina on a business trip. How convenient. Since you got the ILYBNILWY, chances are it is a PA. She has detached from you emotionally and perhaps physically. Nothing you do, say or how you change is gonna make one bit of difference. If you let this slide and grovel at her feet, she will lose whatever little bit of respect she may still have for you. No Respect=No Love. Tell her you're done and will file for D and mean it! Unless she has plans already made with OM, she will flip out and beg you to reconsider. If that happens, be firm and lay down the law. MC and no contact with OM.
Author c.roberts Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 Dear hopesndreams I know for a fact that she is South Carolina because she took a work vehicle, work paid for the hotel room, and for the class she is taking. She is also with people from work.
just_some_guy Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Time for marriage and probably individual counseling. That you have children means it is important to WORK on this, rather than just go bye-bye. Do express that your feelings are hurt. You have a right to express your pain. Do NOT beg, grovel, plead for her to come back. Lay it down in no uncertain terms, that the kids need you BOTH to WORK on this. It is crazy as all get out to toss a marriage in the disposer for an online crush. There's work to be done. It won't be pleasant. It will take working on issues that are between the two of you and issues that are part of each of you as individuals. Good luck.
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