sunsh1n3 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Well, my gut feeling was right. I posted a thread yesterday saying that i was having a hard time trusting my partner. Then last nite when we were in bed his fone went. I knew striaght away something was up as he was acting very weird. i asked him to his face who it was and he looked at me and lied. he told me it was his sister that rung. well this morning i checked...... it wasnt his sister but his ex. now i know everything. hes a cheat and a liar! im so devastated! i cant stop crying!!! any advice to get past a cheat?
paleblue Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 you already knew he was a cheater and a liar…. im sorry you’re upset again. what you need to do now is dump him and move on with your life. plain & simple. move out. stay with a friend or a parent until you can get back on your feet. or stay with him and continue to be one of the multiple girls he is with. which i dont think you want to do.
BigLebowski Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 He's a liar but not necessarily a cheat. Don't automatically assume it. I keep in touch with most of my ex's but would never cheat with them. I keep quiet about it in case of grief from the current girlfriend. I hate to admit it, but to avoid a row I would be probably be tempted to lie like he did and say that someone else had called. Best Dude
Author sunsh1n3 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 thanks for your opinions. you have both gave me a different approach to things. I stayed at my mums last nite to clear my head. I have also spoken with the ex who has assured me nothing is going on. However..... they are meeting up tomorrow........... does he actually think im going to accept them as friends after he cheated on me with her before!!! i wish he would see it from my point of view and know how much this is hurting me!!! alot of people have told me to walk away and others have told me to hear him out. im so confused.
Renewed Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I'm sorry but you talked to the ex...and you believe her. I'm not saying that she is a liar, but why would you believe her. And I think he should have been upfront with you about it if he was talking to her or seeing her or whatever. I'm not saying break up with him, I am just a firm believer that you should be upfront and not hide anything because once you hide things then trust is loss. And to be honest I don't believe in the ex's as friends things unless it has been several several years that pass and even then I would be leery only because I have an ex that I know and any time we talk he always brings up things or flirts a little or just says something inappropriate. So I cut him loose. What do they need to meet up for anyway and is this the first time that they have been meeting up since you have been with him?
Phateless Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Well, my gut feeling was right. I posted a thread yesterday saying that i was having a hard time trusting my partner. Then last nite when we were in bed his fone went. I knew striaght away something was up as he was acting very weird. i asked him to his face who it was and he looked at me and lied. he told me it was his sister that rung. well this morning i checked...... it wasnt his sister but his ex. now i know everything. hes a cheat and a liar! im so devastated! i cant stop crying!!! any advice to get past a cheat? He lied about who it was but that doesn't automatically mean he's cheating with her. How do you know he was cheating before? Did you have proof, a confession, or just a gut feeling? If all you ever had was a gut feeling and you react this way I don't really blame him from hiding from you that he talks to her. If you react this way when she calls I would understand him wanting to avoid this reaction. Does that make sense? Now if he really did cheat on you with her before then you guys need to come to an agreement about how to handle her. I have a few friends who I've dated (or hooked up with) and I have no problem keeping in touch and not hooking up with them again. I totally get him wanting to be friends with her but if you know he's cheated on you, why did you take him back last time?
Author sunsh1n3 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 i totally agree with the ex and 'friends' thing..... theryre an ex for a reason! but yes he did cheat on me with her before. she told me and we actually confronted him together. i took him back because i do believe in second chances and i really do love him. They were together for 5 years so i do understand there is a history there. i have spoke with the ex and she has told me that the reason they met up was to get his car tax from her house as his car was still registered to there (when they lived together). This is understandable, but does not mean he needed to lie to me about her. He told me the reason he lied was to save an arguement becasue he knew i wud have reacted the way i did.... and ritely so! I know about them cheating so how cud i accept them as friends! He knows that and knows exactly how id feel. he shud have just came clean to me about it... maybe this wud not have happened. But he still lied and for that i have moved out.
Tayla Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 The saying goes - Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Has it ever dawned on you that you have a better chance of a healthy relations with him if you accept her? Weird as it sounds I have learned to be a friend to his ex's and from that he is less likely to wander. Reason: he has betrayed two people and damaged three friendships. No man wants that on his conscious. At the very least you may find out why he now wants you and not her When I had a healthy relations most of the ex's ended up being my best allies when he and I had a go around, they often brought things to a better light. Now dust off your boots and learn from this particular matter, I still question though the concept of taking someone back who physically cheated....love doesnt do that, it lets them go....
Renewed Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 If I was your man and I cheated on you before I would not hide the fact that I am going to my exes to get a car tax form. I would take you (my current girlfriend) to get the form with me. Or would tell the ex to give it to a mutual friend (i am sure they have at least one) or (I live in the states so don't know if this applies to you) I would call up whatever bureau mails out these taxes and change my address with them and ask that another copy be sent. I'm sorry but I do not believe in "friending" any ex girlfriends only because they could be cheating right under your nose and then when she gets tired of it then she will tell you about it. Just sounds messy to friend someone that your man use to sleep with. To each is own, im just stating my opinion. I think moving out is a good idea only because I am a firm believer that if you hide small things from me...what else are you hiding.
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