nowwhatnow Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 its been 4 months NC, 5 and 1/2 months since the break up after it happened i picked up and moved half way across the world to get away from all the pain and suffering. i am working, traveling the world and meet lots of new and interesting people. i will be back home in 3 months which will be about 9 months after the break. i have been adhering to strict NC - no fb stalking, no asking about him etc. the problem is, that going away has just solidified my love for him. nothing has changed for me. i still want him back just as much as i did the first day. what do i do now? in 3 months when i get back should i tell him how i feel? i can not live like this
Layzie89 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 You've already gone NC for 4 months and he hasn't once tried reaching out to you. 4 months is a long time and if he hasn't reached out once yet it's highly unlikely he will after 7 months NC. You'll be at 7 months NC by the time you get back, and seeing as how he hasn't reached out once...I think you'd be better off staying NC. You don't know what he's been up to, contacting him could set you back to square one and you wouldn't want to go back there after coming so far. If he had any interest in possibly getting back together with you, I'm sure he would contacted you by now. Same goes as if he wants to get back with you in the future, he will contact you. On the same token, if he never gave you the closure you needed then maybe contacting him is what you need to do. Reach out, tell him everything...don't leave anything out, get it all off your chest and see how he reacts. AND if you must do so, please DO NOT get your hopes up for anything. The only reason you should have to contact him is to get the closure you need, if he hasn't already given it...don't expect anything more from contacting him. Be prepared for the worst...who knows how he'll react? If he shows signs of possibly wanting to get back together than play your cards right and take it slow. If he's moved on, you'll have to be able to accept it and do the same. Hang in there though. Remember you have a solid support crew here at LS and we're all going through the same thing so you're never alone.
brokendreamz Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Hi Nowwhatnow. I am 2 months out of a ltr. I'm finding it really tough - I still love her and she simply fell out of love with me. There's no one else and I know people will think I'm kidding myself but I know it's true. We have a house to sell which is what seems like forever, once it's gone I'm thinking about taking off for a while around the world. Think is, I'm worried I'm going to be just a miserable where ever I go, but this time I'll be completely alone in a fireign place! What do you think - up and leave or sweat it out here? What work do you do by the way?
swfc_77 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 brokendreamz, i worked away for about 3 weeks in holland (im from uk) i was alone, i found it very hard. you dont go away and instantly heal, i thought it would help and it did in someways but i'd rather go back with a clear mind. its true what they say about running away from your problems, you cant. it might be different for different people, but for me i had to come back as i would rather feel like $-hit, then $-hit and alone.
Author nowwhatnow Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 it was definitely a huge risk coming and leaving everything behind. but when all is said and done i am so glad i came. it was very therapeutic to just leave the place full of nice and horrible memories and go somewhere completely knew. but of course it is true what they say - that your head goes with you. and yes i am still so upset about everything. i know he is the one and i feel like sometimes being here is just me spending time away while he figures out he needs me. i dream that when i come back he will contact me and ask to try again and that the reason he is not contacting me now is that i am so far away that it would not change anything. and yes, i do know this is setting myself up for disaster. but i would say go. go and see the world. and maybe, just maybe, you will see that there is so much out here, so many new people to meet, so many new friends to make - even if you are still pining. get some new experiences and grow a little as a person. maybe it has not helped me get over him - but at least when i wake up in the morning i am able to get out of bed and look forward to the day! and that, that was the most important thing for me. i just wish he would hurry up and call me already...
Cassandra92 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I just moved to a different city and I had high hopes that it would help to heal my broken heart. Now if possible I feel even more lonely. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that... You guys have done really well to stay NC for so long. If you have hopes for a reconciliation, you are giving it the best chance by giving yourselves a break. I wish I was that strong. Who knows, he could be sitting at home wondering when you are going to contact him. If you are the one who left town, he could just be waiting for you. When you get back, you could contact him and ask if he wants to catch up. You'll have a lot of stories to share and he might too. When you see him, you'll probably get a feeling whether there is anything still there. Good luck!
Author nowwhatnow Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 its just that even when i do go home - which is in like 3 months, i probably wont be able to call him. and even if i do i think if i met up with him and he did not mention anything about getting back together i would be crushed as a human being. i am so so in love with him and everyday without him is a battle - and sometimes i do not think i have it in me to continue. if i can not live with him then what is the point, i do not even enjoy life anymore and it has been 5 months. yes things are much better, but i will never be as happy. and i hate feeling like this. so much pain. so much hurt.
Cassandra92 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 its just that even when i do go home - which is in like 3 months, i probably wont be able to call him. and even if i do i think if i met up with him and he did not mention anything about getting back together i would be crushed as a human being. i am so so in love with him and everyday without him is a battle - and sometimes i do not think i have it in me to continue. if i can not live with him then what is the point, i do not even enjoy life anymore and it has been 5 months. yes things are much better, but i will never be as happy. and i hate feeling like this. so much pain. so much hurt. Whenever I feel like that, which is about 80% of the day, I have to remind myself that I'm not the first person to feel this way, and that many people before me have lived through it. I am not coping well with the stress of my life right now and I am sorry to say that he is the main reason for my feeling of utter distress. I wish he didn't affect me this much, but I'm forcing myself to remember all the negative things, such as the way he had been treating me, and the fact that towards the end I just had not been happy. So who is to say we wouldn't go back to them and things would just revert to being ****ty? Hopefully one day we will stop yearning for them enough to realise we don't deserve that . When I see him again, which could be in just over a month (if he wants to), I'm sure I will get a feeling whether he still cares for me or not.
Author nowwhatnow Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 Yes, hopefully one day. I just hate feeling like this all the time. I do not even remember what is what like to not feel like this. I guess it is hard for me to think of negative things because I thought it was going perfectly until one day out of the blue he just said he needed time - and that was it. Good luck to you and try not to stress to much in the days leading up to the meeting point. I hope everything works out for you.
ccfan Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) You've already gone NC for 4 months and he hasn't once tried reaching out to you. 4 months is a long time and if he hasn't reached out once yet it's highly unlikely he will after 7 months NC. You'll be at 7 months NC by the time you get back, and seeing as how he hasn't reached out once...I think you'd be better off staying NC. You don't know what he's been up to, contacting him could set you back to square one and you wouldn't want to go back there after coming so far. If he had any interest in possibly getting back together with you, I'm sure he would contacted you by now. Same goes as if he wants to get back with you in the future, he will contact you. On the same token, if he never gave you the closure you needed then maybe contacting him is what you need to do. Reach out, tell him everything...don't leave anything out, get it all off your chest and see how he reacts. AND if you must do so, please DO NOT get your hopes up for anything. The only reason you should have to contact him is to get the closure you need, if he hasn't already given it...don't expect anything more from contacting him. Be prepared for the worst...who knows how he'll react? If he shows signs of possibly wanting to get back together than play your cards right and take it slow. If he's moved on, you'll have to be able to accept it and do the same. Hang in there though. Remember you have a solid support crew here at LS and we're all going through the same thing so you're never alone. Great advice right there. I´m in my six month after she dumped me... for the first 3 months i thought that maybe she didn´t reach out to me because she felt i didn´t want her to be around... well... in my head that how it was... one day i coulnd´t take it any longer and broke no contact via text message... BIG MISTAKE , she texted back all "light and cool" an eventually asked me to be "best friends" acting like nothing has happened between us and even arrogant, i was devastated but i decided to jump all in and told her everything i had in my mind, that i loved her, that it was inconditional, etc.... all of it. She just kept saying that she only wanted a friendship and even begged me to be friends, i said NO to be friends and dissapeared for good... i hope at least. And this girl was a real mean and shallow person, she didn´t even deserve that text in the first place, much less a friendship. So mixed emotions here, sometimes we think that our exes are missing us and just waiting for that first baby step to respark the relationship, but in reality it´s almost never like that... especially if they dumped you... they don´t think about us, and the sooner we realize that the better. On the other hand it felt good to get everything out of my chest and walk out of it knowing that i gave my 110% for us... You need to evaluate yourself carefully, if you feel your life is totally stuck then maybe to reach out and find out for sure it´s a good call, but keep in mind that most exes will be super nice when we break NC and then after a few days reality sets in an they start to become distant and you´ll be in square one. Best of luck to all os us Edited March 13, 2011 by ccfan
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