Why is this keep coming back to me

[issohard]

I thought I have done well by having NC with my xMM but it didnt last long to make me realise that I suffer from depression. I have those days when I am feeling fine and happy and the next day I cry like a baby. I still keep analysing why why why? And I don't know the answer.

I tried to change the job but it is hard so find anything suitable.

This invisible scar will remain inside of me for a very long time.

I have learnt my painful lesson...

The funny thing is that I wasn't the one who initiate this, the one who said I love u first, the one who was asking if I love him more than my H,the one who wanted to moved in with me and have children and the one who said that want to spend the rest of my life with me.... So why just can't forget him?

Why can't just erase him from my life?

I wish I could be stronger and never get myself involved with the A because the pain I went through wasn't worth it.

I wish I could get my answers why? From him. I wish he could explained that to me. I hate he can't have courage to tell me the truth. It would make this much more easier. Indiference from his side to what have happened just proved me that he never cared how he made me feel.

Sorry guys it was a very bad day..

[BB07]

I'm sorry you are hurting so much and you have so many unanswered questions.

 

I'm here to tell you that it will get easier as time goes on and you'll find more closure. Everyday that passes gives me more peace of mind.

 

Big Hug to you.

[TigerCub]

I thought I have done well by having NC with my xMM but it didnt last long to make me realise that I suffer from depression. I have those days when I am feeling fine and happy and the next day I cry like a baby. I still keep analysing why why why? And I don't know the answer.

I tried to change the job but it is hard so find anything suitable.

This invisible scar will remain inside of me for a very long time.

I have learnt my painful lesson...

The funny thing is that I wasn't the one who initiate this, the one who said I love u first, the one who was asking if I love him more than my H,the one who wanted to moved in with me and have children and the one who said that want to spend the rest of my life with me.... So why just can't forget him?

Why can't just erase him from my life?

I wish I could be stronger and never get myself involved with the A because the pain I went through wasn't worth it.

I wish I could get my answers why? From him. I wish he could explained that to me. I hate he can't have courage to tell me the truth. It would make this much more easier. Indiference from his side to what have happened just proved me that he never cared how he made me feel.

Sorry guys it was a very bad day..

 

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much.

 

I was like you, I never initiated anything with xMM, he approached me, he befriended me, he said I love you first.

 

I completely understand what you're saying.

 

I think it still hurts anyways, because you opened up to them and you started to believe what they were telling you and now you are left with the question of WHY!

 

As BB said, it will get better with time.

 

You just need to realize that there is a little part of you that wanted his love, that wanted his acceptance and now that things are the way they are, you question what you did wrong, and if he was ever sincere.

 

In time, you will realize that those questions don't matter. Honestly, if you got an answer either way right now, would it make a difference?

For me it wouldn't because the end result was the same.

 

Hang in there, it will get better

[Heather1]

I'm sorry, it's hard to trust what someone says & their actions.

 

I think it's cool you let someone in your heart, it was just the wrong person. You can love, you can trust, just not him.

 

I think men spend so much time covering their tracks, they forget they're breaking 2 hearts w/ their words. Love yourself

[spice4life]

I'm so sorry you are hurting right now and having a bad day. However, I have to be completely honest here. Until you look inside and take ownership for your part in the affair, you will continue to struggle with letting it go. You were probably very vulnerable when you met xMM and he took advantage of that and you should be angry at him. That's normal. You still had choices though and you chose to be involved with him. Own that. Then look at why you are looking for someone to rescue you and solve your problems. He can't..nobody can. It's up to you to solve them. People can support you through the tough times and be a friend, but it is still you that has to do the work to improve your life.

 

He is to blame for the affair due to his own weaknesses, but he didn't do this alone. You were there too.

 

Have you thought about going into therapy? It might help you to find out why YOU allowed this to happen and why YOU ended up in the marriage that you did. Those are the answers you need to seek. Placing blame on everyone else for your predicament is not going to solve anything.

 

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I have been there and once I got into therapy, I learned it was how I felt about myself on the inside that landed me in bad relationships. I blamed others too. Then I started asking what I was doing wrong because it kept happening.

[SunsetRed]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. It does sound like you are trying hard to move on. I am too, I'm putting so much effort into moving on and having fun in my life and yet my heart still feels pain.

 

It never ceases to amaze me how ALIKE our MMs, xMMs are. They are so much alike that I wonder if we all dated the same person or if our men read a book called How to Jerk Women Around While Being Married.

 

My xMM did the same thing, said I love you first, initiated us being in a relationship first. He expressed doubt and fear about whether or not I'd stand by his side and wait for him. I put up walls with him initially and said I wanted to be just friends and expressed my fear of being w a man who's marriage wasn't over yet. He assured me that they'd been separated for 3 years and blah blah and then pulled me in.

 

Well, I've let go of him. I've gone to many a party and out on dates and I am still feeling it for him, he messed me up that bad. My choice now is to just let the feeling be there...the feeling is there but I'm not going to act on it, meaning I won't call him.

 

I wish I had advice, quotes or wisdom to stop you from hurting. Being on this group has helped me. We are going to hang in there and heal from this. Our lives are too short and too precious to let lying scumbags wreck it for us.

[whichwayisup]

I wish I could get my answers why? From him. I wish he could explained that to me. I hate he can't have courage to tell me the truth. It would make this much more easier. Indiference from his side to what have happened just proved me that he never cared how he made me feel.

 

Accept that you can't and you won't. Wishing he'd help you get closure isn't going to happen.. The sooner you let go of this train of thought, the better off you will be.

You have your own truth. That is what counts at the end of the day. What you feel and what you think.

 

Start writing, journal it all on paper and pen.

 

No more guilt, no more wishing. Do more forgiving and accepting. Allow yourself to detach and not care. The less you focus on this, and the more you focus on you, your H, all the good things in your life, you'll care less about 'how it ended, what exMM really thought and meant'.. It'll help you get to a place of peace.

[Flabbergaster]

I thought I have done well by having NC with my xMM but it didnt last long to make me realise that I suffer from depression. I have those days when I am feeling fine and happy and the next day I cry like a baby.

Yes, you did well by having NC. This was a bad day; you are still doing well.

I'm sorry it was a bad day. That was a Not Fun day.

Some days we take a step or two backwards...but not everyday.

 

I wish I could be stronger

It's a new day, you're gonna be stronger. You've got lots of people here that know you can have a better day, know that you can keep moving forward, know that you can move on with your life and let the A go.

Read up here, remind yourself that you're not the only one.

I'd really like to suggest therapy, it can help a lot at the stage you are at.

 

I wish I could get my answers why?

Please...don't bother looking for answers. You won't find any, at least none that make up for the pain. Instead, start looking for ways you can cope with the pain on bad days?

[fooled once]

I thought I have done well by having NC with my xMM but it didnt last long to make me realise that I suffer from depression. I have those days when I am feeling fine and happy and the next day I cry like a baby. I still keep analysing why why why? And I don't know the answer.

I tried to change the job but it is hard so find anything suitable.

This invisible scar will remain inside of me for a very long time.

I have learnt my painful lesson...

The funny thing is that I wasn't the one who initiate this, the one who said I love u first, the one who was asking if I love him more than my H,the one who wanted to moved in with me and have children and the one who said that want to spend the rest of my life with me.... So why just can't forget him?

Why can't just erase him from my life?

I wish I could be stronger and never get myself involved with the A because the pain I went through wasn't worth it.

I wish I could get my answers why? From him. I wish he could explained that to me. I hate he can't have courage to tell me the truth. It would make this much more easier. Indiference from his side to what have happened just proved me that he never cared how he made me feel.

Sorry guys it was a very bad day..

 

I am so sorry you are hurting.

 

You can't let go because you keep seeking answers for why. You may never get the answers, but that doesn't mean you will stay on this rollercoaster forever.

 

Forgive yourself.

Look for what you have learned from all this.

Find the reasons within you why you allowed this.

Forgive yourself.

Take one day at a time - heck, one hour at a time.

There may never ever be any concrete answers.

Every relationship teaches us something (besides the obvious).

Forgive yourself.

 

Do something JUST FOR YOU for 15 minutes every single day. Whether it be a nice bubble bath, a walk in the park, sitting and looking at the clouds, getting a manicure, wandering a favorite store, go for a run, start a new exercise routine, do something you always wanted to do (skydiving, driving a sports car, etc).

 

Do something FOR YOU.

 

Don't dwell on the past. You cannot change it. All you can do is look towards the future.

 

Forgive yourself.

 

I hope today was a better day for you.