Author MarlyStar Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Things have taken an interesting turn. I was on a one month experiment and have about a week left. I'm losing interest. Last Sat evening Nice Guy and I went out. It was okay and pleasant, but we took a walk afterwards and he wanted to hold hands and I didn't. I was a bit bored with his conversation, he didn't seem interested in what I had to say. And after two and a half hours I said I was ready to call it an evening. He had his son at home and it was okay. He'd made remarks earlier in the evening to the next date. I would have gone on a third date, but he walked me to my car. I knew he was going for the kiss and I just wasn't interested. I turned my head and made it a cheek kiss. And on the way home knew I didn't want to see him again. I don't really have an evening. He wrote the next afternoon that we don't see to have a spark and good luck on my search. I was relieved. Friendly Guy wrote and we tried to get together on Monday, then Thursday and now tentatively next Sat. He thanked me for being so understanding and he's willing to drive about an hour to meet me. So we'll see if he contacts me tomorrow to set something up for Sat. So last night I'm thinking, I've got a week left so I might as well give it one last thorough effort and I went through all the candidates in my search results and sent something to everyone I had the slightest interest in. If you don't put in an effort, you can't expect results, right? And you can't blame OLD if it doesn't work if you don't put the effort in. I contacted maybe five more people. So okay. I come accross a guy who catches my interest. I think I've seen him before and passed over him, or maybe not. He's extremely good looking and I generally assume these guys are players and look for reasons to disqualify him. But something in his profile made me think he worked in my industry. ALso he had a fairly long paragraph of what he didn't like in a woman that was actually pretty funny--and matched what I'm nost looking for in a man. And he had real interests not just a good glass of wine, cuddling, and walking on the beach in the moonlight type of stuff that men put in thinking it will interest women. So I email him and allude to our mutual place of business and put in a funny line. The next morning I see I have an email from him. He picked up on the allusion, added details about himself, and then our mutual work address. We work in the same building AND for the same organization. Call him Work Guy. Well, I went to work and sleuthed around. He is what he advertised, and my good friend's late sister was his ex-wife's secretary, but didn't tell my good friend too much about what she thought of him. They divorced in 2007 and then he dated someone at work. I know her by sight. She apparently was dating someone else at the same time and they broke up. Another person I know a bit and like, had the hots for him and threw herself at him, but he had no interest. HIs reputation is excellent, hardworking, modest and generally well liked, but my friend told me that around the time of his divorce and his dating the other girl at work something happened and he went through a very, very bitter period. My friend has known him 14 years and thinks he went through about 2 years of pretty severe bitterness that just surprised everyone who knew him. She hasn't seen much of him since then, but hopes he got his former good nature back. So when I got home from work I wrote him back, "Hi HisName, I guess we do work at the same place." And then I built on the oneline joke in my initial email to him and included him in the joke and signed it with my name. I'm really interested. He looked at my profile and wrote back and I hope he's interested too. He's dated at work before and it's not frowned on (only drama dating is frowned on), so maybe he'll consider it again--if he's interested in me. So we'll see. But whatever happens, I'm about ready to wrap this up and try something else, like meetup.com. I've been nosing around and I might go to a meetup on Apr 16. Anyway, I'll keep you all updated.
OliveOyl Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 What a cool commonality with Work Guy. Love the synchronicity I'm about to hang it up with online dating myself for a bit. The guy I met who was in the same online game I played is still interested, but he wants to meet up in that game and it just kinda drags me back there. And I can't seem to muster up much enthusiasm (like your reaction toward Friendly Guy). I am starting to think I'm not ready for dating after all I don't want to date just to date. I really am looking for someone I feel (warning: here comes that hot-button word) chemistry with. And I can usually tell if it's there pretty quickly.
Author MarlyStar Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Work Guy wrote back this morning, a couple sentences acknowledging our work connection and how amusing we didn't recognize each other. He added a bit of a joke. But nothing exhibiting interest. Working together it's sort of the polite thing to do. I'll write something a bit amusing in return. I imagine it won't go anywhere. I'm wearying of this; the ones I'm interested in aren't interested in me and the ones who don't interest me are the ones who are interested. I suppose eventually there would be a match, but only if there are tons of new candidates weekly, and that's not the case. Since I joined, there have only been a couple new men in my search requirements who have joined. It's been a lot of work for...really nothing. I don't want to date just to date either. OLD seems set up for dating just to date--or maybe to pass endless emails back and forth. I'm going to move onto meetup.com and see what I come up with there. At least you know within minutes of meeting if you are both interested. And you get out of the house.
Author MarlyStar Posted April 2, 2011 Author Posted April 2, 2011 (edited) Ok-- I have three days left on my month-long OLD experiment and frankly I'm worn out with it. Friendly Guy whom I was supposed to meet last Monday, then Thursday, then tonight (he kept changing the date because he had work/friend w/cancer--probably true, but if not, who cares), has disappeared. He had favorited me, and took that off yesterday sometime. Last I heard from him was Wednesday when he thanked me for understanding about the scheduling changes. I haven't heard from him abt tonight and probably never will. It's okay. Work Guy was online last night from about 7pm to 9pm. Maybe he's like me goes online and then wanders away from the computer just shutting it down hours later. Or maybe he was active the whole time, who knows? I returned his email about 7:30 with two short pleasant humorous paragraphs (abt 6 sentences- to the 3 sentences he sent me). I can track if he opened it, he didn't. I know you can also read an email without triggering the tracking if you go thru the Our History section, but that shows up in the Who Viewed Me section, and he apparently didn't read it that way. Maybe there's another way to read an email without letting someone know (via email forwarding?), IDK. Anyway he didn't respond whether he saw it or not. I left him a conversation continue-er in my email. My guess is he will politely respond back not picking up on the conversation continue-er (because we work together and know dozens of people in common), and then I'll respond saying I'm closing my account and wishing him luck on his search. He knows I'm single, searching, and where to find me. My guess is he's not interested, but if he is, he'll let me know. On Tuesday evening I'll close my match account. The whole experience seems like a waste of time. It really makes me question myself that the guys I'm interested in so widely are not interested in me (and no, I'm not basing it on looks, but common interests); and guys I have not much interest in or are very unsuitable are the only ones interested in me. Makes you wonder what's going on with me or men or maybe the medium. Sigh... Edited April 2, 2011 by MarlyStar
Author MarlyStar Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Work Guy wrote back this morning. He was friendly, made a joke or two and wrote a longer email than I did and gave a couple more details about himself. That's good right? But here again nothing to distinguish friendly colleague behavior from maybe I'm interested in dating you behavior. He said he'd been OLDing off and on (mostly off) for a couple years, so he didn't take it seriously, yet still enjoyed it. He was online it appears on Friday, Saturday and tonight (Sunday). I sent another email back just now a couple sentences longer than his last one, with three quick amusing anecdotes, addressing something in his last email and one thing in his profile. I hate the ambiguity; when you are face to face, you know (usually). Friendly or interested?
Author MarlyStar Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Well, that's it. My month on match. About 32 contacts, one turned into two dates, several fizzled out between the email and meeting stage. Work Guy isn't interested in seeing people from work (fair enough). I put in a good effort, contacting many people. The people I was interested in though weren't interested in me. Fair enough. So, all in all, it's been a washout and a waste of time. On to something else.
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