Author MarlyStar Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 Okay, so I wrote back to Calibre Guy, and he responded that it was so nice to hear from me and would like to continue our talk and gave me his phone number. I guess I'll call him; that's why I'm doing this to meet people. But suddenly am not sure what to say. Just call and say what....? HELP !!!! I haven't online dated. IRL you have built in small talk because you have something in common. Even if it's just standing in the same grocery line. Ok, so what do I say? Also I got a wink from Guy#22 (Call him Judge). He's 12 years older than me, but my stepfather is 12 years older than my mom and they are happy and my ex was 12 years older; it can work. I liked his profile and we have/had similar careers. He's retired from his first one and is doing something very similar to me. He looks okay in his photos and we have some similar interests. I'm going to wink back, and see what happens.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 So it's been 5 days and the tally is I initiated emails with 29 men, most of whom weren't interested. I got contacted by about 50 men, but only 22 were even worth reading the profile (and that counts the "I'm a father before a man" creepy guy--so you know my standards are really low here). There's Dull Guy, whom I'm not going to continue with. But I'm sure he's a nice guy, it's just too hard to communicate with him. He gives nothing back to work with. Then there's Maybe Guy, who didn't know where my community was, even though it's adjacent to his abt 2 miles away. But the rest of his profile was okay. However, he hasn't written back in 2 days, so I guess he's not interested. Then there's Bookreader, whom I'd like to hear back from, but it's been 3 days and he's been online each of those days, so I guess that's not going to work into anything. Then there's Calibre Guy who wants to continue and sent the phone number. The only reservation I have with him is he talked too much about passion and intimacy and lap sitting in his profile. But you kind of have to give some leeway here; those things are awkward to write. His emails have been fine; intelligent, pertinent, responsive and some humor. So I'm going to move forward with this one until a red flag pops up. Then there's Friendly Guy. I have liked his emails, so I wrote him back 4 hours ago; we'll see if he's still interested. And finally there's the Judge with whom I exchanged winks with and who's pretty old for me, but sounds interesting (how do men get to be 55 and never married). I'm leary of the age difference and the never married thing, but these can be discussed. So maybe two prospects out of all that. 6 out of 29, but two lost interest in me. One I lost interest in, one is just at the winks stage; one moving to the phone call stage, and one still in email stage. I don't know what to think. But am going to forge ahead with this experiment.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 I got an unsolicited email from Guy#23. His profile was about 7 inches long, jammed together words... here's a sample: "...Photographs in your Profile might depict you in Alluring Clothes/Poses to Capture everyones Attention, but Your Heart, Mind, Spirit and Soul must Secure my INTEREST. IF your Dailies are FULL with Guys, RELEASE me PLS. Be a 'LADY' (in Public, lol). We should wish to spend Quality Time with Hours of Slow, Deep Osculating( Art-Of-Kissing). Might you be a Sensual Gal of Fragrances/EroticScents? Where is that FeminineGal who balances 'SKIRTs/DRESSes/jeeeeaaans?? This Dragon Slayer, your Champion is Complex; Sensitive, Witty, Communicative and will offer, provide You with Honest and Intimate Emotion (not drama) into perpituity; a Nurturer and Nurisher for you..." About 2000 words like this. Sheesh. I call him the Manic Photographer. This was his email to me: " Dobry den, Read, Viewed your Profile and WISH to continue. danke, Spasibo, Ciao-" and he added his phone number. Would any of you answer this? Holy cow-- Ignore, block, delete. Am I being too picky? AM I?
desertIslandCactus Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 No, you're not picky. throw him back. (so sorry, I was responding to post 28)
Leeway Harris Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I loved your original profile. It didn't sound like every single other profile I've read on these sites. When I was doing online dating, I definitely would have written you. PS: Federal Employee? Looks like you and I might be getting an involuntary vacation pretty soon, eh?
Author MarlyStar Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 PS: Federal Employee? Looks like you and I might be getting an involuntary vacation pretty soon, eh? I'm exempted, which is too bad. I would love a furlough though. Furlough is admin leave, and after the budget is approved you get all that back pay. So all it is is paid vacation with a delayed check. Sucks for people who live paycheck to paycheck, but I can go a couple of months without a paycheck, and wouldn't mind as long as I get paid for it eventually. It'd be nice to have the summer off.
Leeway Harris Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Furlough is admin leave, and after the budget is approved you get all that back pay. So all it is is paid vacation with a delayed check. Maybe, maybe not. In this political climate, I wouldn't be counting on that back pay anytime soon. You're exempted? You must be one of those "essential personnel" we're always hearing about. Okay, sorry, hijack over.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 Maybe, maybe not. In this political climate, I wouldn't be counting on that back pay anytime soon. Go to OPM and read their FAQ about the furlough, it came out yesterday. What agency do you work for if you don't mind saying.
Leeway Harris Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 MarlyStar: I'll read it, thanks. PM'ed you.
welikeincrowds Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Did you decide to take out the cactus story? I loved it.... I think in general it's a good thing to take out the negatives, but I think this story can be excepted. That's a good rule of thumb, but actually look at the story. It doesn't reveal any insecurities; on the contrary, it demonstrates confidence and light-heartedness, and your sense of humor. I laughed at the thought of you looking at your dead cactus every day. I'm still laughing actually. I don't think you are being picky at all. It annoys me that you have to go through this gauntlet of morons just before you can interact with genuine people, not to mention see if you match with them. I think you're doing well.
Trimmer Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 MarlyStar: I'll read it, thanks. PM'ed you. Hmmm - have we added Guy #24 to the list? I liked the cactus anecdote; I think it was light enough - like confident self-deprication, someone who can laugh at herself, without seeming "down." Being able to laugh at yourself, but moderated with confidence is a good combination; makes me think you're not arrogant.... Don't know about the "shrimp as fetuses" part, though - that might be a little on the edge for me...
Author MarlyStar Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 Hmmm - have we added Guy #24 to the list? I liked the cactus anecdote; I think it was light enough - like confident self-deprication, someone who can laugh at herself, without seeming "down." Being able to laugh at yourself, but moderated with confidence is a good combination; makes me think you're not arrogant.... Don't know about the "shrimp as fetuses" part, though - that might be a little on the edge for me... I took the shrimp as fetuses out and put the cactus back in.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 Got an email from Guy#24. He seems nice and normal. Told me the guy in the donut story was the wrong guy for me. Mentioned his 15 year old son and said he hoped I had kids, because then I'd understand more (I have 3 all in college). I wrote back before going to a friend's bday party last night an anecdote about kids and asked about something in his profile. He wrote back and still seems nice. I'll call him Nice Guy. He looks like Michael Gross the father on the old sitcom Family Ties. I also noticed that #2 on my initial list whose profile I really liked and with whom we exchanged one short email each viewed me yesterday. I haven't heard from him since I responded to his email 6 days ago. I'm going to call Calibre Guy today, altho I have no idea what to say. (WHAT DO I SAY??????). I don't generally like talking on the phone, not even to girlfriends, much less to strange men I've never laid eyes on. This feels very weird to me. I've decided not to go forward with Dull Guy. Maybe Guy and Bookreader who've apparently lost interest and Judge as well. Of that group only really Bookread had any interest for me. That leaves Friendly Guy, this new Nice Guy, and Calibre Guy as potentials. Potential what? This really is a weird way to meet people.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 Nice Guy emailed and invited me to dinner. Unfortunately I'm on vacation this week and out of town. I emailed back saying I'd like to very much but am out of town. He was nice about it and said to let him know when I was available. I think I'll offer Sunday or Monday. Friendly Guy after several days of no email has emailed me back and forth a couple times. He thinks I'm funny and interesting. I've decided not to call Calibre Guy. I just don't know what to say. I noticed he checked my profile again. Guy#26 emailed but he's about 9 years younger and I'm not interested in younger. I think I'm going to put effort into Nice Guy and Friendly Guy. I noticed that there's very little activity going on about my profile, few viewings, seldom a new email. I think being new stirred up a lot of interest, but a lot of it not really sincere or of interest to me.
Crazy Magnet Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 It's like that when you are new. I signed up for an online dating site about a week ago and have gotten 80 something messages and 100something "winks" (BTW...what is the point of that anyway?) The good news is the weird ones tend to filter themselves out. I typically look through everyone and approach 1 or 2 that I am interested in and then kind of filter my way through the rest of it. At some point though you do have to pick 2 or 3 to focus on, otherwise you'd be stuck trying to split your attention too many ways and not get anywhere. What I find hilarious is that a couple of guys who were online way back when I tried this the first time (Fall 2009) are STILL on there and sent me new messages. They have the exact same pictures and profile as they did back then. Sadly, they probably wonder why they are single. It sounds like things are going pretty well. I also say call Calibre Guy. You never know how the conversation will go. It's only a phone call. If you crash ans burn, no big deal. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I also say call Calibre Guy. You never know how the conversation will go. It's only a phone call. If you crash ans burn, no big deal. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And say what? "Hi, I'm Marly from xxx.com. You said give you a call." Silence, his turn.
Crazy Magnet Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Yep. He'll keep the conversation going. Hi! I'm Marly from blah blah. How was your day today? It's no different than meeting once face to face. Talk about stuff he said to you in the last email. "Hey, you mentioned blah in your last email, that's really interesting....I think blah blah about that." I find it's easier to launch into the same conversation I was having with the guy via email. If the guy is so socially awkward that he can't keep the convo going you're better off finding out now and moving on to the next one.
OliveOyl Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) Sounds interesting. I really enjoy hearing these stories from the trenches of online dating. Sounds like Nice Guy is a... well... a nice guy. Keep us posted. Edited March 17, 2011 by OliveOyl Removing potential thread hijack
DollWelch Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I don't think you should call Calibre Guy. How long has it been since you last heard from him? I say it's been quite a while, and if you try to call him, you'll only become tongue tied and eventually you'll make a fool of yourself (no offense: not saying you will at all). Then akwardness will ensue. He had the opportunity to maintain contact or a connection with you but didn't. His loss. Don't settle for so-so (quality). Nice Guy sounds wonderful. Continue pursuing/communicating with him.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Guy#27 emailed. I just want to shake my head. "She was just 17, if you know what I mean, and the way she looked, was way beyond compare. This is you many years ago when we were both younger. You are still so beautiful.... would you get to know me?" What was in the quotes, that was the email I got. His title he calls himself a 50 year old virgin, but his age is 52 (which makes me think he wrote this profile 2 years ago) and his user name is something like SexymanJamesBond. In his profile he has about 4 sentences, 2 or which stress how important it is his match is beautiful. In his photos he look about 45, so I wonder if they are old pix. Would any woman read this email and think this is a potential long term relationship with a quality man? It must work tho if he's had a profile up for 2 years. Guy#28 emailed. I winked at him a week or so ago. He said he just got back from a vacation in Belize where he just started to learn scuba diving. His email was very nice. I call him Boat Guy. I responded. I've decided against calling Calibre Guy and now am watching Nice Guy, Friendly Guy and Boat Guy. I got to say I'm really losing interest in this whole process. I'll be glad when the month is up and I move on to something else (Meetup.com probably). But I'm going to take Nice Guy up on his dinner invitation if he still wants to and nurture Friendly GUy next week and see if he wants to meet up too. We'll see abt Boat Guy.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Well, things are looking up. Nice Guy and I are meeting on Tuesday, for drinks and to see if we are hungry for anything after that. I'm actually looking forward to it. Friendly Guy and I agreed to meet. He's just waiting for me to suggest a time and place. I'm going to suggest Thursday. I'm looking forward to both of these. I decided against Calibre Guy. I feel a little bad because he's checking out my profile every day, so he's really interested. But I don't know what to say. Also I got computer matched with someone I mentioned on another thread, I'll call him Security Guy, who is in the same field as me and whom I may know, or if not, I definitely know someone who knows him. We must have mutual contacts. I wrote him a brief email. He read it on the 18th, but didn't look at my profile until the 19th. He probably won't email back, but if he does, that will be cool; even if we don't click. I also got an email from Guy#29. He seems nice enough and his email was fine but he looked 10 years older than he stated. Actually he looked almost like Captn Kangaroo (do any of you remember him?). Men in their 60's are just too old for me. I can't see myself being sexually attracted to them. I just can't. So that's my update.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Nice Guy and I went out tonight. It's my first Match date. It went very nicely. I had a nice time. He's a former naval intel officer who worked in black ops but is now an electronic engineer. He has a marital history like mine and two kids my kids' ages, and similar issues. It was very pleasant and I had fun. He said a couple times that this was pleasant and he was enjoying himself and at the end said he wanted to see me again and I said I'd like that. He's going away for the weekend but maybe early next week. He commented how blue my eyes were. I have blue eyes, but when I'm happy they get brilliant electric blue, people will stop me in the street to comment on them. They turn the color of the Florida sky sometimes. I guess they did that tonight. I don't feel the 'spark', I just had a nice pleasant time and want to do it again. We hugged hello and good bye, a loose hug, no kiss. When I got home he emailed me again that he had a nice time and wanted to do it again. I've also accepted the offer of Friendly Guy and we are negotiating to meet by the end of the week.
OliveOyl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Sounds really good Marly! I'm having my first first date in almost 2 decades soon. I am not expecting spark... I just hope to have a good conversation... we'll see...
Author MarlyStar Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Nice Guy and I are going out on a second date on Saturday. Friendly Guy is flying home from London as I write. He suggested Fri night for a first date/coffee thing, but I think I'm going to propose Monday. I probably won't hear from him until tomorrow morning to confirm and he lives sort of far away so there will have to be a few emails to find a time and location suitable. Also I can just be so bushed on Friday nights. You won't believe the day I've had today. I got an email from Guy#30. Call him Handyman. He works in my field and is in the process of moving here, but hasn't arranged it yet. Sounds interesting and he wants to meet on thurs since he will be in town that day. I might, but we'll see; I don't want a LDR and he'd said he was moving on March 11 but didn't. I'm leery of people who don't do what they say. So I might meet him one time see if I like him (have the feeling it will be an interesting evening) and then tell him when he's settled in, he can contact me again. And not hold my breath.
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