MarlyStar Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I'm kind of laid back, serene and calm. I like to stay centered and amused and interested in what's going on around me. I would rather gnaw off my arm than get involved in drama and upset. I came to this site because last week as I was exiting the building at work, a guy was coming in carrying a lot of heavy boxes. I held the door open for him. "Thank you, thank you," he said, "I don't know how I would have managed." "I guess I'm your new best friend." I said. "You sure are", he agreed, "Never have I had a better new best friend." But just then a guy from his unit came in--carrying several boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts. My new best friend's eyes got large and he turned around and followed the donut guy out of the building, "Hey, George can I have a donut." "Sure can, buddy. My new best find had found himself a new best friend. It's pathetic when you get thrown over for a donut. So here I am, hoping to find someone with higher aspirations than just getting a fresh donut. However, that means I have to fill out this form. So here goes it: I enjoy travel, but have to work (however, I work for the Federal government, so I do get a lot of time off). I enjoy Key West and Mackinac Island, my two islands at each end of I-75. I like restaurants and movies and comedy clubs and just hanging around agreeable people. Adventures can be found anywhere; I like long car rides. I like all that standard stuff that everyone likes: laughter, good times, family, and so on... I'm also a fan of history, reading, car shows (love going to the Barrett Jackson auction in WPB), going to see the Blue Angels, hanging around the house. When I was young, disco was king and it got imprinted in my soul. I can't help it, I like the music of the 70's and 80's. Other than that I prefer quiet venues. I'm a light drinker. I like Greek and Middle Eastern and slavic food as well as French and Chinese. Unfortunately for someone living in seafood mecca, I don't care for seafood (but I will NEVER point out that shrimp looks like baby fetuses when you are eating it, I promise). I'm terrible at gardening. I am famous at work for killing a little potted desk cactus. I followed the directions on the little tag, but alas... They won't let me throw it away. They say looking at it every day is my penance...
fishtaco Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 If I could get a nickel every time I see a woman that says she likes laughter on her profile, I'd be rich enough to bail this county out of the economic crisis. And I don't even do online dating. Please remove the laughter part and put down some real things that you like. Other than that, I thought your opening was pretty excellent.
january2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) Edited version: I enjoy travelling in my free time, particularly to Key West and Mackinac Island. Adventures can be found anywhere and I love road trips. I like trying different restaurants, particularly Greek and Middle Eastern and slavic food as well as French and Chinese cuisine, watching [movie genre] movies [or give a list of favourite movies that someone could ask you about] and comedy clubs. I'm also a fan of history [specific period?], reading [genre or list of favourite authors or books], car shows (love going to the Barrett Jackson auction in WPB), going to see the Blue Angels. When I was growing up, disco was king and it got imprinted on my soul. I can't help it, I love the music of the 70's and 80's. I took out the negatives to focus on the positives. I took out the generics to focus on the specifics. Took out extraneous information. You might also like to add something on what makes you smile/happy. In my opinion and experience, your profile needs to stand out and have something interesting on it that a guy can pick up on when he contacts you. If you have great pictures though, it may not matter anyway - though it's best to adopt a belt and braces approach because there will be some guys who will 'next' you if nothing stands out that he can talk to you about. You also need to bear in mind that some guys search via keywords and that's why you should only include what you like rather than what you don't like - you can always go into more detail about your preferences in your messages when you get to know the guy. Disclamer: the edits and suggestions are just my opinion based on what you've written. Good luck! ETA: Didn't realise that the first bit was also part of your profile - since you have one 'yes' vote, perhaps you'd like to go with it. I don't have a strong opinion about your story so don't have any objections that it shouldn't be included. Edited March 9, 2011 by january2011
Art_Critic Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 You also need to bear in mind that some guys search via keywords and that's why you should only include what you like rather than what you don't like - ... then she shouldn't leave out that she loves sex........... hahahaha
january2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 ETA: Didn't realise that the first bit was also part of your profile - since you have one 'yes' vote, perhaps you'd like to go with it. I don't have a strong opinion about your story so don't have any objections that it shouldn't be included. ETA2: I would take out any negative words, phrases that look like you are whining or complaining and focus on it reading like an amusing anecdote that you tell people to make them laugh. ... then she shouldn't leave out that she loves sex........... hahahaha Depends on what she's looking for, doesn't it?
Andy_K Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I think that beats 99% of profiles out there, so I would go with your original version. The only change I would make is removing the "It's pathetic when..." line. Not just because it's a bit negative, but because it disrupts the rythm of the humour between your anecdote and the punchline about looking for someone with higher aspirations.
oaks Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 The first half didn't seem to tell me much about why I would be interested in you, but then you lost me at "baby fetuses".
Cee Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I love your cactus anecdote. I'm the exact same way. My little cactus is bravely fighting for life against me, the beast without a brain. Your profile is interesting to read with lots of specifics. You will likely get messages from men riffing off something you wrote. And that's great because generic, uninspired profiles are ubiquitous on dating sites. Try not to get too invested in your profile as the "be all, end all" of attracting a compatible person. The profile is an ice breaker for a prospect to get a first impression. Good luck and keep us posted.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 Okay, I took out the cactus and shrimp stories, and changed the 'pathetic' to 'you know it's time when...'. Thanks. I'm only going to try this for a month. But I figured I'd give it my best shot. Frankly, with the luck I've been having I sort think I should stay away from dating for a while. I did look at all the other women profiles who are competitive to me, and they do sound all alike. But then so do the men ones. Everyone does like to laugh, family and friends, restaurants and beach. Men are anxious about fat women and usually put in something about taking care of yourself. Women seem anxious about users and put in something about that. Everyone says they don't want drama or games. Everyone wants someone honest and intelligent and caring with a sense of humor. And frankly, among the men, all of us who are middle aged and most who show pictures of middle age spread (which is accetable to me), there's a lot of boasting about high levels of activity (tennis, golf, baseball, basketball, working out, rollerblading--a 55 year old man!--dancing, etc...). I am sceptical. If there was that much physical activity going on there wouldn't be so much middle aged spread. C'mon, I know we are all working, going home to do whatever around the house, watching tv, eating out, and doing a couple activities on the weekends. We are middle aged...we are tired. I'm suspicious of how many men claim they like book clubs and museums too. IRL I've never met one. I'm only going to do this for a month and see what happens.
elaina Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Edited version: I took out the negatives to focus on the positives. I took out the generics to focus on the specifics. Took out extraneous information. You might also like to add something on what makes you smile/happy. In my opinion and experience, your profile needs to stand out and have something interesting on it that a guy can pick up on when he contacts you. If you have great pictures though, it may not matter anyway - though it's best to adopt a belt and braces approach because there will be some guys who will 'next' you if nothing stands out that he can talk to you about. You also need to bear in mind that some guys search via keywords and that's why you should only include what you like rather than what you don't like - you can always go into more detail about your preferences in your messages when you get to know the guy. Disclamer: the edits and suggestions are just my opinion based on what you've written. Good luck! ETA: Didn't realise that the first bit was also part of your profile - since you have one 'yes' vote, perhaps you'd like to go with it. I don't have a strong opinion about your story so don't have any objections that it shouldn't be included. This is an excellent critique. I agree... focus on the positive and on what you like! I really like your profile when all the negative stuff is cut out... oh and as a woman who loves seafood and eats shrimp, PLEASE don't compare it to a fetus, k? That made me gag... though maybe men would find that funny I don't know, but I would have given you a withering look for that comment if I knew you. Also, yep, pictures are what brings the guys your way lol. However, don't post pictures that are really sexy, but that give the suggestion of sexy and confidence and adorableness... But yeah most guys focus much more on the pictures than they do on the words you write The donut story could do with a tinge more humor in it maybe, so it doesn't sound like you're lonely? All in all, it's a great profile and you sound very interesting. Best of luck to you!!!
elaina Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Okay, I took out the cactus and shrimp stories, and changed the 'pathetic' to 'you know it's time when...'. Oh good! I met an incredibly amazing man on a dating site, and hopefully he's the one I hope you find an incredibly amazing man too!
Imajerk17 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I did look at all the other women profiles who are competitive to me, and they do sound all alike. But then so do the men ones. Everyone does like to laugh, family and friends, restaurants and beach. Men are anxious about fat women and usually put in something about taking care of yourself. Women seem anxious about users and put in something about that. Everyone says they don't want drama or games. Everyone wants someone honest and intelligent and caring with a sense of humor. Did you ever think of leading your profile off with a paragraph like this? I gotta say, it's awfully hard to write these things without sounding like everyone else! Everyone on here is laid-back but sarcastic, like to laugh, is close with their family and friends, and likes the beach. Men are anxious about fat women and usually put in something about taking care of yourself. Women seem anxious about users and put in something about that. Everyone says they don't want drama or games. Everyone wants someone honest and intelligent and caring with a sense of humor. (You can further wordsmith this...) You'll have your reader nodding and chuckling. All too true. The donut story isn't entirely without its charm, but it had me scratching my head. I had to read it over a couple of times. You might lose a bunch of readers there. Your profile is better off without it. The mentioning that you don't like seafood is cool and real. The "fetus" remark is a little too visual IMO.
oaks Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Did you ever think of leading your profile off with a paragraph like this? I gotta say, it's awfully hard to write these things without sounding like everyone else! Everyone on here is laid-back but sarcastic, like to laugh, is close with their family and friends, and likes the beach. Men are anxious about fat women and usually put in something about taking care of yourself. Women seem anxious about users and put in something about that. Everyone says they don't want drama or games. Everyone wants someone honest and intelligent and caring with a sense of humor. (You can further wordsmith this...) You'll have your reader nodding and chuckling. All too true. Really? If I go through the rest of my online dating life and never see another opening paragraph that basically says "I hate doing this, but here's an entire paragraph for you to read that will waste your time yet tell you nothing about me" then it'll be too soon.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 Here are the results I've gotten so far: I've sent out about 29 emails initiating contact; and about 30 winks. I am interested in a certain age group, no long distance, not interested in separated men must be all the way divorced, only interested in men looking for long term relationship (I can get a one night stand at the local bar without having to write 200 words), do NOT want any more children, and want to see a picture. I've deleted all the ones that don't match up with what I'm looking for. Here's what is left: Guy#1 emailed before my pictures were approved and asked why I was emailing him since he'd said he wouldn't respond to people without pictures, but he'd give me the benefit of doubt, but it wasn't fair for me to email if I wasn't serious about this. I sent off an email that I'd only been online for an hour and they were still being approved but should be up shortly. It's been two days and I haven't heard from him since, which I can't say I regret, because I he didn't seem all that nice. Guy #2 answered my email. And I returned an email with about 2 short paragraphs. He read it yesterday afternoon, but hasn't answered. Guy#3 Responded to my email. I responded. We did this twice, and it's my turn to respond, but I don't know if I will. His emails are dull, short and give me nothing to 'hook into'. I don't know what to say. And by his picture he's a bit pudgy, which wouldn't automatically turn me off (I did initiate the first contact), but isn't inspiring. I look at his picture, read his rather sparse profile and feel like it's a chore to answer him. I think of him as Dull Guy. Guy#4 emailed me although I didn't email him. It was just a Hi I hope you have a nice day. I emailed back, I hope you do too, my day went fast. He emailed a one liner that was funny re my profile. I emailed back about something in his profile. Then he emailed me three times in one day (have a happy Tuesday; I've done X activity for 3 years; and how do you like me now). Like Guy#3 he's not putting much effort into this and I have nothing to hook into to respond to. And I found 3 emails in one day excessive even if they were one liners and the last email bizarre. I deleted and blocked him. Guy#5 was interesting and in a couple emails we built up interest and rapport. Then he said he was in a long term relationship so we'd have to be discreet. Delete/block/no comment. Guy#6 got challenging/argumentative trying to legalistically define a word in my profile. Who needs that? Ignore/delete/block. Guy#7 just said Hi. Again, what am I supposed to do with that? I liked his picture and his profile wasn't offensive. So I said Hi back. Now he knows I'm interested. He wrote back Hi again. So I said, "I said Hi, you said Hi, now where do we go from here. I'm new at this." He said, "We can criticize each others' profiles. I'm pretty laid back too, so I think we'd get along well." Huh? I didn't join to criticize and be criticized. Ignore/block/delete. Guy#8 just said, "What's your number?" Ignore/block/delete. Guy#9 went into a long explanation about all his travels and living on a boat and it didn't seem to have anything to do with me. I think he sends it out to everyone. He's a yacht broker and trying to impress with his wealth. I've traveled a lot too and could have found something to start a conversation with, but I just had the feeling he sent it without reading my profile, and he looked a lot older than his stated age, he looked easily 65 years old, so I deleted and blocked him. Something I just didn't like. Guy#10 went on and on about new age stuff. Fine, but not my thing. We aren't a match. Guy#11 talked about how he was retiring and wanted someone to travel with him extensively. I have to work. He said in his profile he wanted someone without career demands. We aren't a match. Guy#12 I winked at him, he emailed me a one liner saying he liked my donut story. I looked at his profile and saw something I could tell a funny short story about and emailed him back about 24 hours ago. I might be interested in him if he ever responds. Call him Friendly Guy. Guy#13 said he was interested in me and would like to know more and asked if I want to chat. His profile was blah. He's warm sensitive intelligence romantic kind and compassionate and he wants a woman who's warm sensitive intelligent romantic kind and compassionate. That's about it. I look at his picture and really am not attracted. Guy#14 has no picture, is older than my preferences, claims to be 'separated' (but is clearly married), and wrote: "You're cute and I don't eat krispy cream donuts! Any chance you would be interested in a discreet relationship with a considerate, classy gentleman who knows how to treat a lady? If not, please do not be offended." Yuck. I'm offended. Ignore/block/delete. Guy#15 says he's 51 but looks like he's 68. Wants women 18-50. Wrote a long personal email that was good until he started criticizing people who pay money to listen to rap and watch horror films and went on and on about how he hates drama queens. Ignore/block/delete. Guy#16 emailed saying he's looking for a LTR and best friend. He has no college and I'm not sure he's employed, and in his 12 pictures he lives in a cluttered dump. Nondescript boring profile. I just know there will never be a spark. Delete. Guy#17 I emailed first. He responded right away intelligently answering my email and said he'd read my profile and thought we'd get along. I responded with an email with a short anecdote about a place he'd traveled to, mentioned golf (it was in his profile). I'm interested (call him Bookreader), but he hasn't responded in 3 days, so I guess he's not. He's been active within 24 hours. Guy#18 I winked at him. He responded: Your a very pretty woman, I love to travel too is XX city close to my city? Warmest regards. I responded that my little town is directly west of his town (how come he didn't know that?) and mentioned something in his profile. I'm sort of interested in him maybe (call him Maybe Guy), but it's been two days and he hasn't responded. He's online right now, so I guess he's not interested. Guy#19 saw me on his daily 5 as a match. He has a 2 line profile and makes sure to point out he's a wealthy doctor. He's older than I'm interested in, a bit over weight and very bald with a baby face. In his email he says he doesn't like to type, so will I give him my phone number. I don't think I will. Then there are 5 guys I've emailed who have read them 2+ days ago and haven't responded. And 4 guys who haven't read my email yet (altho one said in his profile he's out of town until 3/11 and one looked at my profile). So that's my online adventure so far. Three I'm interested in if they ever respond, one I might be interested in (altho wonder why he doesn't know the area 2 miles west of him), and one who's seems nice but dull. Not very encouraging. Is this normal type responses for women?
Intricategirl Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Is this normal type responses for women? Sadly, sounds about right.
daphne Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Unfortunately for someone living in seafood mecca, I don't care for seafood (but I will NEVER point out that shrimp looks like baby fetuses when you are eating it, I promise). For the love of god please remove this. I will have to try to rub that from my memory now. Otherwise, I thought your tone was cute in your profile. However, it didn't say a lot about who you are and what you're looking for. The kind of food you like isn't who you are at teh core. Are you an adventurous person who likes to go skydiving or do you prefer cultural events? Etc. I thought the profile was a little generic. I hope you don't take offense. I just think that the tone was good, but maybe the material could be a little more focused on who you are.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 One more email today from someone I didn't initiate contact with. So Guy#20 writes he loved my profile, I seem like a 'high calibre' person and very sincere. He tells me two of his interests and then tells me his favorite Krispy Kreme donut. His profile is not long, and he starts out with "I crave intimacy with a special lady..." He mentions he's romantic, passionate, athletic, handsome and says about 4 times he's passionate and/or energetic and wants a woman he can hold of his lap while he reads the newspaper while she reads a book. It makes me think he's just looking for sex. And his picture doesn't show him as being either very handsome or athletic. He looks a little chubby, but it's hard to tell because both pictures are head shots. He says he's in finance and makes over 150,000 and I think he's probably just a player or trolling or something. I dunno. Sigh... I wrote back, but don't think this online thing is going to work out. 20 responses and nothing of interest. The ones I was interested in weren't interested in me which is fair enough, but the whole thing is just too strange and awkward. And it's not that I'm looking for super handsome or anything. The whacked out general I wrote about in my other thread wasn't attractive. Because of his personality I always remembered him as being more attractive than he was, and it was always a shock when when I'd see him again after a while or after having talked on the phone. He wasn't really attractive, but after a couple of minutes with him, his personality would take over and I'd never notice. But I wouldn't look at a picture of him and have ever chosen him on an online site; so I try to remember that. I remember having a meeting with him five days before I asked him about the girlfriend and him freaking out, and while he was talking I was looking at his face (knowing that he was attracted to me and that I was attracted to him and that we might post project explore it further) and I was thinking, could I ever kiss him, he's really not attractive...and deciding yes I could. So I try not to let looks on a website influence my selection too much in responding to people who contact me. You can't know who you are attracted to until you talk to them.
Andy_K Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 As a guy I'd be more likely to reply to the profile with the donut, shrimp, and cactus stories. It's important to stand out and be memorable. Nobody else will have those. I also strongly agree with oaks about the alternative opening paragraph someone suggested not being very appealing. The thing with observational humour is that it has to be funny as well as true...
Author MarlyStar Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 I think I'm going to use our company's EAP and get some counseling. I'm having trouble processing the blow up with the whacked out general. I was interested but not invested, and was still in the stage of deciding whether I wanted to look into it further. And then, bam, he suddenly out of nowhere turns on me so viciously, trying to get be fired, involving everyone, hoping to have me humiliated and prosecuted--and all for what? Because I said I heard he'd had a girlfriend? Isn't that a standard question people ask when they are at the very beginning of dating behavior? I told a friend about it today and she said it was clear to her that even though he had a steady girlfriend, he was interested in me or having us both or moving onto me never wanting me to know about her. And when I found out he had a girlfriend, he was exposed or was going to be unable to manipulate us both or carrying out whatever intention he had. I'm not so sure of that. He was browbeating me because he though I'd found out abt the girlfriend not thru someone else, but because I'd spied on him. I remember at one point him putting his face inches from mine and me thinking, my god this man hates me. Which was such a shock because we'd always gotten along, I'd never done anything hate-able to him, and just a few minutes before when I'd arrived at his office, he'd prepared the way for me as though I was a VIP, having his security guards usher me past all the security check points, etc... rather than go through all the normal procedures I'd always done before (and that I'd made him go thru). It was clear he was looking forward to my arrival, and then minutes later he's venomous. It's messed with my head. Not because I 'lost' a relationship with him (I didn't really have one), but because I can't figure out what happened, what I did, what made something pleasant turn suddenly into something hateful and scary. I probably shouldn't be online dating right now, exposing myself to a population that probably has a higher percentage of marginal people in it. After the Feeder and the Whacked General, I don't need to run into a user, liar, player, creep, or emotional deficient guy. Not having ever online dated before, I'd imagined that the site would be populated with people like me, unexpectedly single in middle age, who values a relationship and who's pretty decent, mature and stable (altho with his own quirks and personality). That doesn't seem to be the case. I'm getting the impression the guys on line are either sad sacks, exploitive, or 'off' somehow. But maybe I'm not giving it a fair chance?
Author MarlyStar Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 Guy#21 19 years younger than me emails: "I am a father before I am a man, so if your a woman with no kids and you find to question yourself with a but!, then I'm not for you." I don't even know what that means, but it's weird and creepy. Is this considered one of the options that I have (referring to the thread "Do Women Have More Options Than Men?") Ignore, block, delete.
Anxiety Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Guy#21 19 years younger than me emails: "I am a father before I am a man, so if your a woman with no kids and you find to question yourself with a but!, then I'm not for you." I don't even know what that means, but it's weird and creepy. Is this considered one of the options that I have (referring to the thread "Do Women Have More Options Than Men?") Ignore, block, delete. I don't understand what he's saying. I liked your original profile. It was cute. Its better than just a list of likes and dislikes, it shows personality..and the shrimp comment made me laugh.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) Here's another email I got 8 minutes ago from a guy in London, England. "Hello Pretty, I was just going through profiles online when i saw your lovely profile with your pretty smile of yours,I'd just like to admire you from afar. Admiring you isn't hard to do because you're the most attractive woman with a lovely profile that i ve admired on ,I know that no one in () can hold a candle to you.I'm writing this and leaving it where you'll find it. It's because i want you to know who your secret admirer is My name is Brandon, am one man for one woman,Am interested to meet someone i can always sacrifice my entire life for in here,someone caring,nice,faithful,sincere woman with good heart not a game player,You're perfect and I'd love to be the lucky guy who will wins your love. If only you will be encourage to tell me how you feel about me? I will be glad to hear back from you soon" What he doesn't realize is he sent me the exact same email on 3/6 and I deleted him because I don't want to do long distance. Not to mention, he forgot to fill in the blanks in this 'form' email. In his picture he is missing teeth. Front teeth. Ignore, delete (again) and BLOCK. These are not options. I have to admit I'm nearly falling off my chair laughing with my kids about the last two (they are 19 and 21 year old young men). Edited March 11, 2011 by MarlyStar
Author MarlyStar Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 Hey! Guy#12, Friendly Guy just emailed back a couple lines. They were interesting and ended in a question that showed he was interested in me too. And Guy#20, the one who said I seemd high calibre (Calibre Guy) wrote back too a couple of lines but a decent email that will give me something to respond to. That's sort of unexpected.
Recommended Posts