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girlfriend talks sex with other men in front of me

BigLebowski

By BigLebowski
in General Relationship Discussion

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BigLebowski New Member

BigLebowski

Posted
Posted

hi there

 

I am asking this of the forum in case I am being "jealous" or "unreasonable".

 

My girlfriend is 35 and fancies a 22 yr old man. The feelings are mutual. She talks about him the whole time and flirts with him at every opportunity. Recently we were in the pub and they were talking in front of me. She lent over to him and said that she wanted to feel his package and that she prefers men with a certain part of their anatomy removed surgically (I hope I've left that vague enough not to offend younger readers). I have not had that done to me so I presume she was referring to him at the time.

 

I have explained to her that I do not care how she behaves when I am not around (I do actually, but that is not my main issue), but that I find her making overtly sexual remarks to other men in front of me offensive and unreasonable. She says I am being "jealous" and "paranoid" and that she might have to dump me if she has to "constantly monitor" her behaviour.

 

Am I being unreasonable? She has a long history of "jealous" men dumping her because of this behaviour. I am about to fly out to see her in Europe at considerable expense and I am tempted just to throw the towel in.

 

What do you guys think?

 

Best

Dude

starryeyed12 Established Member

starryeyed12

Posted
Posted

She sounds like she is an attention wh*re. Not to be mean, thats just a term we use around here. She is seeking attention from other men because A. she is not satisfied with the amount or type of attention you are paying to her or B. Her attention for you is wanning and she is looking to have her cake and eat it too. That means stringing you along until she finds someone else suitable enough to leave you for.

 

Either way she isn't showing respect to you, her BF. I would definitely talk to her about this before you go spending all that money on a Euro trip. She needs to shape up or ship out.

TakeMeasIam Established Member

TakeMeasIam

Posted
Posted

To hell with the talk.

I say throw the towel.

 

big time.

 

Crazy.......

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BigLebowski New Member

BigLebowski

Posted
  • Author
Posted

hi there, many thanks, she is a terrible attention whore. A typical Gemini flitting from one person to the next, male, female, young and old. That doesn't matter to me, but the sexual comments are offensive and erode my confidence.

 

She says:

 

"you have to accept that I am beautiful and a flirt, but I come home to you and spend all my life with you - so long as you don't try to clip my wings"

 

I'm not sure what the point is of a relationship with such a woman. I have plenty of female attention myself and can quite easily see others. What is the point?

 

Dude

runner Established Member

runner

Posted
Posted

no offence, but she sounds full of herself :rolleyes:

 

i seriously would dump her if she were my gf, but that's just me; i prefer a partner that can respect my feelings and our relationship. perhaps she's the type who prefers to be in an open, polyamorous relationship; and if so, she should pursue that and quit wasting your time.

LoganParker Member

LoganParker

Posted
Posted

I believe that in life, people get treated how they subtly tell other people to treat them. I think one of the reasons she treats you so badly is because she KNOWS she can. If a woman is willing to show such disregard to you, I suspect that at some point you must have done something to let her know that she could get away with this behavior.

 

Even more than this, that you are not sure if this is acceptable or not further confirms my suspicion. If you aren't sure what you want, you'll never get what you want.

 

Some other people have said to leave your gf. I say that this kind of problem will probably follow you along until you learn to set boundaries with other people more clearly.

LoganParker Member

LoganParker

Posted
Posted
hi there, many thanks, she is a terrible attention whore. A typical Gemini flitting from one person to the next, male, female, young and old. That doesn't matter to me, but the sexual comments are offensive and erode my confidence.

 

She says:

 

"you have to accept that I am beautiful and a flirt, but I come home to you and spend all my life with you - so long as you don't try to clip my wings"

 

I'm not sure what the point is of a relationship with such a woman. I have plenty of female attention myself and can quite easily see others. What is the point?

 

Dude

 

haha but paradoxically, you must also know when not to react to her shenanigans... But I think you need to handle step one before step 2

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
hi there, many thanks, she is a terrible attention whore. A typical Gemini flitting from one person to the next, male, female, young and old. That doesn't matter to me, but the sexual comments are offensive and erode my confidence.

 

She says:

 

"you have to accept that I am beautiful and a flirt, but I come home to you and spend all my life with you - so long as you don't try to clip my wings"

 

I'm not sure what the point is of a relationship with such a woman. I have plenty of female attention myself and can quite easily see others. What is the point?

 

Dude

 

I am a Gemini, I like to socialize, what she does is inappropriate and disgusting.

 

About the quoted: It essentially says "if I can emotionally abuse you, you get to spend time with me. I am selfish." No thanks.

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BigLebowski New Member

BigLebowski

Posted
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Logan, tigers, others many thanks :) points noted.

 

Dump on its way tomorrow.

 

Best

Dude

Eddie Edirol Established Member

Eddie Edirol

Posted
Posted

Post an update Big. You cant change her, no sense in keeping her the way she is.

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
Logan, tigers, others many thanks :) points noted.

 

Dump on its way tomorrow.

 

Best

Dude

 

 

Whatever you do, don't let her change your impression of Gemini women! We are wonderful. :cool:

runner Established Member

runner

Posted
Posted
Whatever you do, don't let her change your impression of Gemini women! We are wonderful. :cool:

 

yea it has nothing to do with astro sign, race, nationality, etc. douch bags come in all flavours.

 

I believe that in life, people get treated how they subtly tell other people to treat them. I think one of the reasons she treats you so badly is because she KNOWS she can. If a woman is willing to show such disregard to you, I suspect that at some point you must have done something to let her know that she could get away with this behavior.

 

Even more than this, that you are not sure if this is acceptable or not further confirms my suspicion. If you aren't sure what you want, you'll never get what you want.

 

Some other people have said to leave your gf. I say that this kind of problem will probably follow you along until you learn to set boundaries with other people more clearly.

 

very wise words.

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted

So did ya dump her?

betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

Posted
Posted

Interestingly, my last relationship was with someone just like this. She told me she believed in free love. I took her at her word and flirted with other women in front of her, as she did other men. She got incredibly upset by my flirting.

 

It ended terribly.

 

She was and is incredibly insecure and frequently lost between her real self and what she thinks she ought to be. The strange comments and behaviour came out when she was wasted. The mood swings were and are incredible. Anyone who gets close to her becomes emotionally exhausted as she relies on them almost totally for emotional support and guidance.

 

If this girl doesn't mind you playing around, flirting in front of her, and you enjoy that, then it sounds like a lot of fun to me. I know couples with kids, good jobs, nice houses, great social skills and lives, that enjoy having extra-marital lovers and it works for them.

 

If, however, you don't want that, or she does mind, you're right - there is no point in hanging around. Don't clip her wings - or yours.

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