Dillema... Ex "wants" to be with me.. but can she?

[confused1989]

Well I haven't posted here in over a year, but reflecting back on my old threads I see some similarities to where I was a year ago.

 

Me and my ex have had trouble being on the same page throughout our relationship. Basically we have everything in common, have strong physical attraction and emotional attraction to each other (and still do) but for some reason she doesn't think I give enough and I don't think she gives enough. She has done things to question my trust for her(hasn't cheated on me though) but nonetheless I have caught her in lies, which is more than she can say about me. There were so many good things to take away from our relationship, but I feel like it was one sided to an extent. I felt like I was more into her than she was into me. However I still want us to work out.

 

I've had successful relationships and people see me as a genuine, caring guy who is a great boyfriend to whoever he's with. I asked her what I can do differently and she just says she wants to feel more loved. All she really told me I could do to make her feel more loved was to show more PDA, which at times I do and she doesn't like it so it is quite confusing!

 

It's been over a month since we broke up. The reasons were not too clear, GIGS and comparing me to her ex BF is what I came to the conclusion to. Although she has admitted and her family has admitted that I was a much better boyfriend than her ex.

 

It was a mutual split, but really she told me she didn't feel the same for me anymore and then that hurt me and affected how I was toward her. I was distant and cautious after she said this, and afraid.

 

I have always done anything and everything for her, and I have sacrificed, and been completely loyal to her. She doesn't question my personality one bit or my loyalty and she completely trusts me.

 

The other day she shows up at my door saying she wants to be with me. I asked her what she wanted me to do differently for us to work, and she said things like show more PDA and jus generally make her feel more loved, which is going to be hard for me because I truly felt like I made her feel loved, she always had all of my attention and I didn't flirt with other girls and I would do things with her that I didn't like but I did it because I love her. She would not do things with me that she didn't want to do.

 

I asked her to stop spending so much time with her friends and spend more time with me. She said it's hard because she's a dependable friend and anytime they ask her to do anything she''s going to , even if it means that means she has no time to spend with me. She also has 2 jobs and volunteers and does a lot of stuff on top of being a student. She fills her time up a lot, and doesn't leave much room for me.

 

She wants our relationship to be one where we go out and party together, be in groups a lot and not as much focus on being alone and together. I find this hard to deal with. We're both young but it makes me feel like she just wants to be single.

 

I also asked her to stop going out of town with her friends to party so much. She usually goes out once a month to another town without me to party, and usually 2-3 times per week with her friends for drinks. I told her that has to stop. Especially when there is little to no time for me. But she won't agree.

 

Guys, what do I do? I tell her what bothers me and she doesn't respect it because she puts herself first even when it's hurting me. I don't do any of this kind of stuff to her and I would move mountains to be with her. I always do what I want but if she had a problem with something I would sure as hell look closely at it and likely not do it. It wouldn't kill her to miss a night out would it?

 

I knwo she loves me, and she may want to be with me, but how come she can't be like the other girls I know in a relationship? Am I asking too much? I think she loves me but she doesn't respect what I want. We made a deal to stop texting each other because it causes us to fight and we were just going to talk on the phone or in person. I called her yesterday and didn't get a response, she texted me saying she was sorry she missed my call. I asked her to go for a coffee and she said she was busy with school work so I said OK well you let me know sometime this week when you're free.

 

I have a feeling right now she's expecting me to call her again today. Should I? I feel like I shouldn't after trying to last night and not getting a response other than a text, and I asked her for coffee and she shouldn't. But I know if I don't keep calling her she will say I don't love her. I feel so unappreciated but so does she. However, I don't know why she does. I don't think her brain operates properly sometimes. I don't know how I could possibly show I love her. I'm afraid....... I'm afraid because I know she wouldn't move mountains to be with me. And it causes me to be afraid.

 

 

I am so confused on what to do. I feel like a second chance at our relationship is going to take work. We're both young but I really feel we love each other, she just maybe does not respect me. Is this something that could even be changed? I don't know..... What is your guys' opinions?

Edited March 9, 2011 by confused1989

[AverageJoe]

I don't think you should be pressing the rewind button on life.

 

Unless of course you have so little game you think she is the best you can ever do.

Once the recycle bin is empty, thats it. C'mon man the past does not equal the future. Get out there and find someone that will accept you for who you are.

[confused1989]

Yeah, I see what you're saying. I'm just really confused right now, and we haven't stopped talking really since we broke up so I still have feelings for her. But you're right I'm not sure if she likes me for who I really am, or if she's trying to turn me into someone I'm not. I would move mountains for her and I don't know if she can do the same .......

 

Thanks for your reply.

Edited March 9, 2011 by confused1989

[confused1989]

It's almost like I'm fighting for attention from her. I questioned her about this and she said she just has more commitments than I do and therefore has less time to be with me. However, her commitments are mostly her friends, and she takes on more jobs and volunteering gigs than she needs to. If someone asks her to do something, she'll do it no questions asked.

 

Is this normal? I feel like I shouldn't have to tell her to make me a priority, but I always seemed to have had to.

 

I just don't know why she would show up at my place out of no where and say she wants it to work but can't do little things like sacrifice a night out with her friends to spend time with me. She has offered to make plans but it's like she figures out when she's working first, goes to her friends and sees when they want to party, and then comes to me last.

 

It's like she tries to squeeze me in after everything else is set in stone. It makes me feel low.

 

Do I have insecurity issues here?

 

All responses welcome..........

[heartshaped]

The two of you just don't sound compatible. You aren't high up on her priority list and she wants the type of relationship where the two of you go out to parties etc together. Just end things and move on. You're young and sound like a nice guy, someone else will come along.

[Lilmisus]

First: Don't ask her to sacrifice her friends for your benefit. Those friends were most likely there before you came into her life, and will probably be there once your gone. It's just a wrong request that you should make, or even have to make.

 

Now, although I can feel where you're coming from, you have to understand where she's coming from as well. She seems to be a busy-body and social butterfly type person who likes to keep their schedule full and stay on the move. She wants a huge life outside of your relationship, and she wants to include you in that life. I think that's why she wants you to do more group activities, go to parties, and show more PDA, not that she doesn't want you there, she just doesn't want to spend all of your time together, alone and has told you this. So, why don't you include yourself with her friends? Or even volunteer with her? Ask her if you guys and another couple or two could go do some group activity. Say, go play putt putt, go to the movies together, go to a party or local event.

 

Not only that, but why don't you show her more affection as well? Make her feel loved, since that's what she's looking for from you, and she feels like she's not getting it. Once she gets it, she'll be more than willing to meet your needs, since you have shown that you're willing to meet hers. Bring her flowers out of the blue for no reason, or any gift for that matter. Pull out the chair for her, open her car door, send little "I love you" texts or messages. Let the world know when you're together that you feel like the luckiest man in the world for having such a great gal by showing it to the world. Hold her hand, look lovingly in her eyes, if you get the chance, put your arms around her and kiss her. Don't try to be creepy about it, but play the romantic while doing it. She wants to be with you, and wants to know that you would kill to be with her as well, and are willing to show the entire world that.

 

And although you said that she seems to go to her friends first for activities, how about you tell her "I would love to take you out sometime this weekend, and although I know you work and are typically busy, why don't you look at your schedule and make sure we can make a day a date night for us." If she says that she has to check her work schedule first or whatever, just say that that's okay, but ask her to not make plans with her friends or do charity work for so-and-so day since you want her time that day.

 

But in the end, just keep in mind that although there's a whole lot of work that you still need to do, that there's still a lot that she has to do as well and let her know that you're willing to do whatever, as long as she puts in equal work into the relationship, or that it's not going to work out. Because when all's said and done, if you do do all the things that she's asked you to work on, and there's still no or little improvement, then I think that's when it's time to let go of the relationship and know that you've put all that you could into it.

[confused1989]

Heartshaped: Thanks for your input. I like going out too, but I just felt unappreciated because this is what our relationship has been for the past two years. Thanks for saying that I sound like a nice guy.

 

Lilmisus: Thanks for your input too. You sound a lot like the girl I'm talking about, heck I even thought for a second you might be her. Thank you for giving me her side of the picture!

 

Just to clarify.. I don't want her to give up her friends at all. But she is in all of the same classes with them at school, and is often with them in between classes, then they go out and drink on a Tuesday night, Thursday night, Friday night, and then Saturday she'll have some alone time to herself. I think that is more than enough time with her friends. Also, when we are together she is still texting these friends non-stop. Those are the things that make me feel unappreciated, I don't do that to her. She used to criticize me about being on my phone too much so I made sure I left it home when we hung out after that, but she doesn't realize how much she's on hers. I don't see why she needs to text her mother every second of the day or her friends that she sees all of the time. That's when I feel unappreciated and boring when I know I'm not boring. However I see your point.

 

I usually do stuff with her and her friends. Well I did before we broke up. Then she started complaining after a while that she wanted to party with her friends on her own, which is fine every now and again, but she sees her friends a tremendous amount compared to what she sees me. Volunteering with her could be an option. I just hope she actually does want me around like you say. I'm an interesting guy but sometimes she does just seem bored with me. Again this is just my side of the story. I really wish I coudl either read her mind or have her post here. If I didn't love her though I wouldn't be wasting my time on this site looking for advice.

 

Thanks for your suggestions on making her feel more loved. I am having such a hard time proving this to her. I have done the flowers thing a few times, not lately but during our relationship I would do it a few times. Have also open the car door for her, hold doors for her, send her messages like you have said. Massaged her and always reminded her how lucky I felt. A lot of the time she doesn't seem too enthused by it, like maybe she is too used to it by now, but I try to look past it. I spent $100 to surprise her one day but she said spending money doesn't show caring.

 

Your ideas are great. I am lacking in the PDA department I will admit that. But it's mostly just around school. I don't know.. just feel awkward with professors around and whatnot. I could make a better effort though in the hallways I admit that. At parties I thought I showed tons of PDA, but maybe she didn't see it that way.

 

Any more ideas of how I can show I care? I do a lot of the little things.. but then she will kill me on the little things I am not doing, I think. I just really want to make her happy. A lot of the reason why I agreed to break up and make it mutual was because I genuinely wanted her to be happy, even if that meant without me if I couldn't do it for her.When I used to look at her face I always felt lucky and knew I could never do no harm to her.

 

She has said that she wants someone who "truly loves her" and "shows the world" so I think you really know what you are talking about here since you are saying the same things.

 

Thanks again, very informative post by you and I hope you keep following my thread for aslong as I need advice.

[confused1989]

Bump....

 

for example we were to spend time together last night but she had to cancel to do school work.

 

Asked her tonight but she is going partying with friends. Also going

partying with friends tomorrow night.

 

We have not spend time together since she came over last week and said she wanted to be with me.

 

What am I supposed to think? This sucks.

 

My mind keeps telling me there may be other guys being strung along. How do I know she is not out with other guys dancing while I wait for time with her. What if I never get the time?

 

Time is precious and final exams will be starting soon.

 

I want her but isn't there more she could be doing here?

 

 

Also for example, if I had as many "commitments" as she has, we would never ever ever have time to spend together. This is what I am ahving a problem seeing. How important are these commitments so that she cannot spend time with me, especially after spilling her heart to me the other day. I figured she would be dying to spend time with me.

 

Someone help me see this more clearly please.

Edited March 11, 2011 by confused1989

[NoMagicBullet]

Seriously, it sounds like she takes you for granted and that her friends are more important to her than you are. It's one thing to be there when a friend needs you, another to be out drinking and partying with them several nights a week when you can't get an evening alone with her. If she really wanted to be with you, she would make an effort to put down the frickin' phone, say "sorry, not tonight" to the friends, and spend some time with you. Trust me, if a woman is really into a man (or vice versa), she'll gladly accept his offers of dates where it's just the two of them without an entourage. Maybe not all the time, but often enough. And time alone as a couple should be expected if you are steadily dating and/or in an exclusive relationship.

 

I'm going to be harsh & judgemental here: it sounds like you are an accessory boyfriend. What I mean by that is she only has you around when she's out with other people. Purse? Check. Shoes? Check. Boyfriend? Check. (And even now, it sounds like she doesn't want to bring you out with her anymore.) I think she likes having you around to say she has a good boyfriend (having a boyfriend raises her social status), but she doesn't want to be bothered with actually being a good girlfriend.

 

IMO, I think she wants the stability and attention you provide, but you aren't her ideal boyfriend -- and from what you described, she may have an unrealistic fantasy idea of what a boyfriend is supposed to be like. You've asked what you can do to treat her better, and what you get is a vague "make me feel loved!" Any relationship is going to suffer if the two parties can't clearly express their expectations, and she either won't or can't.

 

I think you're better off moving on. Find another woman who you can treat well and who will treat you well in return.

[Lilmisus]

Bump....

 

for example we were to spend time together last night but she had to cancel to do school work.

 

Asked her tonight but she is going partying with friends. Also going

partying with friends tomorrow night.

 

We have not spend time together since she came over last week and said she wanted to be with me.

 

What am I supposed to think? This sucks.

 

My mind keeps telling me there may be other guys being strung along. How do I know she is not out with other guys dancing while I wait for time with her. What if I never get the time?

 

Time is precious and final exams will be starting soon.

 

I want her but isn't there more she could be doing here?

 

 

Also for example, if I had as many "commitments" as she has, we would never ever ever have time to spend together. This is what I am ahving a problem seeing. How important are these commitments so that she cannot spend time with me, especially after spilling her heart to me the other day. I figured she would be dying to spend time with me.

 

Someone help me see this more clearly please.

 

After reading this and other posts that you have made since your first one, it shows just how uncommitted she really is. I was speaking of different ways you can "please" her if that was all it took and if that's what was holding her back from being the girlfriend you need, but it sounds like she wants a boyfriend, just none of the commitments that come with it. I think I take back what I said before (although you said you appreciated it) and I think that you need to let this girl go. Until she can do equal amount of work in this relationship, and make you as top of a priority as you make her, then you guys don't need to be dating.

 

I read a friend's status update a few weeks ago that said "don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option" It rang true for my relationship problems, and I think it does the same for you. You need to sit her down and tell her that unless you are put at the top of her list of priorities, then she wont be at the top of yours. I wasn't even in my boyfriend's top five, and it doesn't seem like you are in this girl's top ten priorities. It sucks, but I think it's best that you find someone who will do that. Who if they cancel on you one night for something, will do anything in their power to make it up to you the next night. This girl's not doing it, so give your love to someone else. I'm sorry, but I think that's the only thing you can do at this point. No amount of PDA, love, or commitment will probably change this girl from what she's doing.

[NoMagicBullet]

I read a friend's status update a few weeks ago that said "don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option" ... You need to sit her down and tell her that unless you are put at the top of her list of priorities, then she wont be at the top of yours.

 

Right on, Lilmisus! Well put.

[iJester]

Tell her if she can't make those changes, then you two are incompatible and a relationship will never work between the two of you. Then tell her not to contact you anymore, for any reason, unless she wants to make changes and get back together. It should go without saying, but you should not contact her at all either.

[confused1989]

Seriously, it sounds like she takes you for granted and that her friends are more important to her than you are. It's one thing to be there when a friend needs you, another to be out drinking and partying with them several nights a week when you can't get an evening alone with her. If she really wanted to be with you, she would make an effort to put down the frickin' phone, say "sorry, not tonight" to the friends, and spend some time with you. Trust me, if a woman is really into a man (or vice versa), she'll gladly accept his offers of dates where it's just the two of them without an entourage. Maybe not all the time, but often enough. And time alone as a couple should be expected if you are steadily dating and/or in an exclusive relationship.

 

I'm going to be harsh & judgemental here: it sounds like you are an accessory boyfriend. What I mean by that is she only has you around when she's out with other people. Purse? Check. Shoes? Check. Boyfriend? Check. (And even now, it sounds like she doesn't want to bring you out with her anymore.) I think she likes having you around to say she has a good boyfriend (having a boyfriend raises her social status), but she doesn't want to be bothered with actually being a good girlfriend.

 

IMO, I think she wants the stability and attention you provide, but you aren't her ideal boyfriend -- and from what you described, she may have an unrealistic fantasy idea of what a boyfriend is supposed to be like. You've asked what you can do to treat her better, and what you get is a vague "make me feel loved!" Any relationship is going to suffer if the two parties can't clearly express their expectations, and she either won't or can't.

 

I think you're better off moving on. Find another woman who you can treat well and who will treat you well in return.

 

 

Great post and great insight. I appreciate it a ton!

Harsh and judgemental is actually well received by me. I've knowingly been torturing myself with thoughts of us being together again - even though all of my friends tell me I'm crazy.

 

Accessory boyfriend..I guess this hits the nail on the head. Always wanting to be with me in groups, and she takes an abnormal amount of pictures of us together, and she might have made supper for me once or twice in all of the time we went out and she had to make sure she put it on FB to show the world and put captions there saying she made me it. Yet the flowers I'd send her and stuff would never make it to FB. Made me feel used sometimes to make her look good.

 

She does have an unrealistic view of what a boyfriend shoudl be like. I am not perfect by no means, and if she does not want me then that is fine. However I do feel like her standards are very high - unrealistically high. I feel like I gave her a good relationship from my end, and I feel like I didn't take her for granted and did a lot of the big things right so I am still proud of myself regardless of what is going on here and how she wants to make me feel.

 

Thank you for your insight, it was a great read!!!

[confused1989]

After reading this and other posts that you have made since your first one, it shows just how uncommitted she really is. I was speaking of different ways you can "please" her if that was all it took and if that's what was holding her back from being the girlfriend you need, but it sounds like she wants a boyfriend, just none of the commitments that come with it. I think I take back what I said before (although you said you appreciated it) and I think that you need to let this girl go. Until she can do equal amount of work in this relationship, and make you as top of a priority as you make her, then you guys don't need to be dating.

 

I read a friend's status update a few weeks ago that said "don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option" It rang true for my relationship problems, and I think it does the same for you. You need to sit her down and tell her that unless you are put at the top of her list of priorities, then she wont be at the top of yours. I wasn't even in my boyfriend's top five, and it doesn't seem like you are in this girl's top ten priorities. It sucks, but I think it's best that you find someone who will do that. Who if they cancel on you one night for something, will do anything in their power to make it up to you the next night. This girl's not doing it, so give your love to someone else. I'm sorry, but I think that's the only thing you can do at this point. No amount of PDA, love, or commitment will probably change this girl from what she's doing.

 

 

Thank you lilmisus. I was anxiously awaiting a reply from you since your first post was so great.

 

Yes she is uncommitted and confusing the crap out of me. I am just questioning myself way too much instead of questioning her. I am always wondering "what can I be doing here?" without sometimes realizing the fact that she also has to be doing stuff. I cannot chase her.

 

I am not a priority at all. I wish someone moved mountains for me the way I do for her.

 

I told her the things that you guys told me to say, which were also things that I wanted to say. She won't give me clear answers.

 

She txt me tonight saying I'm going to wish I was going to the bar because she wanted to dirty dance with me all night. I told her to stop saying crap like this if she does not want me back. She said she would dirty dance with me regardless of if we were together or not..

 

I told her this was hurtful and she should think about what she's saying. She proceeded to remind me of how good she's looked lately and wants me to think about that all night and regret not going out to the bar to meet up with her. She said she's going to tease me all night and call me and I better answer.

 

I told her I'm not the type of guy to fall for this crap, and I'm not going to be teased or drawn in by someone who does not want me. She said she's not leading me on.

 

 

....This whole thing was kind of a turn off for me and I felt really disrespected and used. I didn't answer her when she said I better pick up the phone. She kept asking me what I was doing tonight and who I was going to be with.. kept asking for names, but I did not tell her. Just told her it was none of her business since she doesn't take me serious. She says she bets I'm not doing anything with anyone anyway and have no plans.

 

 

Ugh.... I don't know why I hang on to hope sometimes. She had a chance to hang out and spend time with me tonight but she'd rather play these games with me which aren't comnig close to working at all if that's what she was trying to do.

 

I am not taking her calls. She did not want to spend time with me tonight unless it involved booze and dirty dancing. If she wanted to talk she could have came over. Too bad for her. Go me. Except not "Go Me" at the same time because I am causing myself an awful lot of stress.

Edited March 12, 2011 by confused1989

[Lilmisus]

Thank you lilmisus. I was anxiously awaiting a reply from you since your first post was so great.

 

Yes she is uncommitted and confusing the crap out of me. I am just questioning myself way too much instead of questioning her. I am always wondering "what can I be doing here?" without sometimes realizing the fact that she also has to be doing stuff. I cannot chase her.

 

I am not a priority at all. I wish someone moved mountains for me the way I do for her.

 

I told her the things that you guys told me to say, which were also things that I wanted to say. She won't give me clear answers.

 

She txt me tonight saying I'm going to wish I was going to the bar because she wanted to dirty dance with me all night. I told her to stop saying crap like this if she does not want me back. She said she would dirty dance with me regardless of if we were together or not..

 

I told her this was hurtful and she should think about what she's saying. She proceeded to remind me of how good she's looked lately and wants me to think about that all night and regret not going out to the bar to meet up with her. She said she's going to tease me all night and call me and I better answer.

 

I told her I'm not the type of guy to fall for this crap, and I'm not going to be teased or drawn in by someone who does not want me. She said she's not leading me on.

 

 

....This whole thing was kind of a turn off for me and I felt really disrespected and used. I didn't answer her when she said I better pick up the phone. She kept asking me what I was doing tonight and who I was going to be with.. kept asking for names, but I did not tell her. Just told her it was none of her business since she doesn't take me serious. She says she bets I'm not doing anything with anyone anyway and have no plans.

 

 

Ugh.... I don't know why I hang on to hope sometimes. She had a chance to hang out and spend time with me tonight but she'd rather play these games with me which aren't comnig close to working at all if that's what she was trying to do.

 

I am not taking her calls. She did not want to spend time with me tonight unless it involved booze and dirty dancing. If she wanted to talk she could have came over. Too bad for her. Go me. Except not "Go Me" at the same time because I am causing myself an awful lot of stress.

 

That's great that you stood your ground, I know it was probably hard to do, so props to you. Just out of curiosity, was she drunk while she was saying all of that? Or is that stuff she typically says or does? Regardless, you do deserve so much better. Relationships take a whole lot of work, and it's obvious that you are willing and have put in your part of the work and she has yet to really do so as well. She seems to be the type of person who twists things around to make you feel bad, which is never a good type of person to be around, let alone date and invest all your feelings and love into. I've been with guys like that, it makes for a very bad relationship, and doesn't deserve a future.

 

If I were you, I'd simply ignore all her calls and texts from here on out, and don't initiate any contact with her at all. It will be hard, trust me, but you've put your foot down already and you need to keep it down unless she's willing to budge (but honestly, she doesn't seem worth it anyway). Only if she comes by your house again, talk to her, and tell her exactly how you feel and tell her you're not settling for anything less than what you deserve (which is someone to move mountains for you, like you've done for her). If she wants to spend so much time with her friends, let her do it, but don't stick around as she does it. I still stand by not having your significant other choosing between you or their friends, but to choose everyone over you is beyond wrong. I sincerely hope you find a girl who wont do that to you, and who's beyond willing to give equal or more work into your next relationship than this chick is. You really deserve it.

[confused1989]

Thanks. No she was sober when she said all of that. Often times when things are rough between us she will say random things that make me go "what???". She said it was to get a reaction out of me.

 

She continued to txt me all night while she was drunk though, saying she loved me, etc. I had a hard time responding to anything she said.

 

Yes she will switch things around a lot and put it back on me which makes for a lot of headaches as I'm sure you know. She has plans everyday of the week and next week she's planning a road trip with her friends 10 hours away to party for the whole weekend. Like I said exams are just around the corner and I could be god knows where this summer for a summer job. I don't feel like she's trying very hard.

 

Also it seems like the only reason she came over the other week was maybe because she felt guilty. She knew I was pulling away. Just like last night when I told her I wasn't falling for her crap she knew I was pulling away and she tried to "tease me" back into wanting her again. Then send me "I love you" text all night.

 

It seems like her goal is to make me want her. Her txts give me that impression. "You're gonna regret what you're missing out on tonight".

"You should be out here wanting me."

 

But what is she doing for me, again? When she notices I'm pulling away she gets panicky. She said we can do something Sunday which is no good for me, I asked her to do things many times during the week and got an excuse and I am tired of doing things on her terms. Like you people have said why can't she just tell her friends on Friday that she has a commitment and hang out with me instead? This is the stuff that makes me feel like a filler, take her accessory boyfriend out for a Sunday afternoon walk juist to make sure he's still on his leash.

 

That's how I see it anyway. :/

 

 

Thanks again for your insight!!! liked reading it as always. I know I may come across as someone who is trying to get her to pick between me and her friends, but I'm not, and you're right, it's just the fact that she is putting everyone above me. Even "friends" that she barely knows she'll go out partying with them instead of being with me who's been there for her for a couple of years now. That is maybe what hurts the most, these "friends" are people who haven't been around too long, and they don't even really see or talk to each other outside of partying.

 

It's a difficult situation and I am trying to change her too much. I guess if she wanted to be with me it wouldn't be this hard. I've always left the door open. Maybe she thought the grass was greener and after all this partying is realizing that it isn't, or maybe she's still waiting to find that green grass and is keepign me around. I know girls love attention, she sure as hell got a lot of it from me when we were together. Maybe that's all I am.

 

Thanks for telling me I deserve more at a time where I don't feel like I'm worth much and feel like I've been taken for granted. But I know it's just a phase for me to feel this way. Thanks!

[NoMagicBullet]

Glad my first response to your post was helpful. From the additional information you gave about her FB postings, I'm even more convinced that she's using you as an accessory boyfriend.

 

You've been clear with her about some serious issues in your relationship, yet she still won't meet you halfway, and she's playing games with you. Those texts -- "You're gonna regret what you're missing out on tonight". "You should be out here wanting me." -- are revolting and given the situation, insulting. Might be cute if you two were still getting to know each other, but you are well past that phase. She does things just to get a reaction out of you -- very bad. I don't know if it's a personality flaw of if she's in a self-absorbed, immature phase of her life. Either way, I don't recommend you wait around to find out. She's jerking you around (on that leash you mentioned) and there are no signs of it changing.

 

... she's still waiting to find that green grass and is keepign me around. I know girls love attention, she sure as hell got a lot of it from me when we were together. Maybe that's all I am.

 

This. I think you've summed it up very well.

 

I think you need to flat out go NC and close the door on this girl. It may be hard, but you'll probably feel better the more time goes by. Watch out, though -- she sounds like the type who thinks they're so awesome that they should never be dumped, so she and maybe even her friends & family might start giving you flak about it. Hold your ground. And know that there are other girls out there who will love your attention and give you plenty of attention in return.