nc2nv Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Okay long story short, my girlfriend's ex boyfriend will now stop trying to contact her, voicemails. calls, emails. sending flowers to her work the whole 9 yards.... so this has been irritating me to no end... shes told him but sending him emails and what not that its over and he needs to move on and to "get the picture" however its not working.... and she refuses to tell him shes in a relationship so spare his feelings... and she wont changer her number either. so i finally muster up the nerv to be like whats the deal? and i told her what i would have done if i was in her shoes and she say "im not getting into this..." i dont know what to do... ive only been with her for 3 weeks and i feel as if shes not putting in enough effort to tell him he needs to go away. i dont know what to do... id like some advice please!
East7 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 How long since she broke with him? Maybe she was not emotionally available when she started to date you (still thinking about her Ex). Rebound relationships are very tricky. If she had zero interest in him she would tell him right away that she didn't want to do anything with him. The best tactics is to back off..don't be jealous and needy, tell her you are not comfortable with the situation and be distant. If it goes on, tell her to go and be with him - 99% of the time it will have the opposite effect
Cee Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 There a many strategies you can use to deal with this. All of these suggestions are related to you setting boundaries in your relationship. Plan A: Tell her trust her to handle her ex, but you don't want to ever hear about him again. Tell her that she shouldn't talk about him with you and that when you are together, she should turn off her phone in case he calls. Tell her you don't want to hear about emails, flowers, etc. Ever. Period. Plan B: You tell her that she is not properly detached from her ex and that she needs to sort out things in her personal life. Break up with her and say that she may contact you when her ex is out of her life. I think either strategy would be effective as long as you enforce the boundary. Often people set boundaries and let people cross them. You must be strict about this.
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