jennifer4 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 There is a guy I work with, he's not some hot guy, just a guy and he seems really nice. I'd flirt, he'd flirt, then I added him on FB, well I never read his profile. A few days ago I did and under interested in, it said men and women! Well I asked him when we were on the phone. He got quiet then said "oh I must have left fb up and a friend changed it". I think it's a lie, almost certain, but why'd he lie about it. I told him it's ok if he is but that I personally am not. So maybe since he sensed I wouldn't try to pursue a relationship he lied. Anyway this sucks. He is really nice. I know he was married once and he was with a girl within the last 2 yrs. Not sure if i'm asking a ? here or just venting. Online dating may be looking better to me.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 He lied because he knew you would judge him based on it. My profile also says men and women because it's true. Anyone who knows me well enough to be a FB friend knows that about me before I add them. I only add people on FB I had some kind of RL relationship with. Jennifer may I ask you why not have a relationship with him as long as he is exclusive with you? Would it be better if you had to worry about him cheating only with women?
Author jennifer4 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 I think it's more of just that he's been with guys and may prefer them. It's just a shock.
Nexus One Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I think it's more of just that he's been with guys and may prefer them. It's just a shock. Or he could be genuinely bi.
Kamille Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I think it's more of just that he's been with guys and may prefer them. It's just a shock. Hmmm. By that token, I should be worried. My bf is predominantly heterosexual. He likes women and might prefer a relationship with another woman than me. The rules of love and attraction do not change because someone is bisexual. A person who is bisexual is perfectly capable of a healthy loving monogamous relationship. Bisexuality is right smack in the middle of a continuum of possible sexual orientations. Imagine a scale, with one side being fully homosexual, the other being fully heterosexual, with fully bisexual being in the middle. Many specialists of sexuality believe we all fit somewhere on the scale. I don't think we posters on a forum are going to help you get over your discomfort with his sexual orientation in enough time for you to actually change your mind and want to give him a chance.But I'm always astounded at the reactions people have when they find out someone they're interested is bisexual. Suddenly, the weirdest insecurities come out, most of them based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality and/or homosexuality, none of them based on the actual real-life actions of the object of their interests.
Nexus One Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 OR one of his friends actually did change his sexual preference on facebook as a joke.
Author jennifer4 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 I don't think it was done as a joke. I'd see where it was changed on his wall. Anyway am I really the only one who would have a hard time dating a guy who is bi? It's really not an issue of if he'd cheat either, just that I guess I'd be wondering what he actually likes. Maybe it is my own hang up.
runner Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 some people don't take fb seriously at all. e.g., my sister's husband put's 'swinger' in his profile status info- he is anything but. and if i knew how to, i would put 'in a relationship with the little mermaid' (cos she's hot).
fishtaco Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Damn you facebook, how many relationships have you destroyed thus far? Oh the humanity!
AverageJoe Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 some people don't take fb seriously at all. e.g., my sister's husband put's 'swinger' in his profile status info- he is anything but. and if i knew how to, i would put 'in a relationship with the little mermaid' (cos she's hot). It's true. I once put as a FB status I was a "Vagina Whisperer". Good times.
fishtaco Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 It's true. I once put as a FB status I was a "Vagina Whisperer". Good times. Yes, and I put myself as a vagitarian.
Author jennifer4 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 I agree that FB can mess things up. If we weren't FB friends I'd never know this. That might be better. Crazy, because most men I meet that are my age are married or have a gf. Now I meet a guy who is single and I have the bi thing to think about. He asked me to go see a movie tonight but he just asked a few hrs ago, I have to pick up my daughter from work so I told him and said maybe another time. I'm just going to work on being friends and getting to know him better for now.
runner Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 It's true. I once put as a FB status I was a "Vagina Whisperer". Good times. Yes, and I put myself as a vagitarian. this is vag'tastic. *thumbs up
Kamille Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 It's really not an issue of if he'd cheat either, just that I guess I'd be wondering what he actually likes. Humans he finds attractive, regardless of the gender? Assuming it isn't a joke, the very fact he posts his sexual orientation on his wall as bisexual suggests he isn't feeling ambivalence about his identity. He's brave enough to let the world know he's bi... Why would he use bisexuality to "hide" homosexuality? That wouldn't make sense. Nope, if he is serious, than clearly he's bi. He swings both ways. He feels attraction to both men and women. He isn't partaking in "hidden" homosexuality. He's overtly bisexual. What I'm trying to say is: human sexuality is a lot more complex than choosing between two options. He can genuinely feel attraction to both men and women.
MarlyStar Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Anyway am I really the only one who would have a hard time dating a guy who is bi? I would have trouble with it too. I can't explain why, just like I can't explain why I wouldn't date a cross dresser. Logically it shouldn't matter; but it does to me.
MarlyStar Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 BTW, Jennifer, you should read my thread "Well I Found Out the Answer", I've had a couple doozies of men in the last six months as well.
sugarmomma Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I'm just going to work on being friends and getting to know him better for now. Good idea and stay true to yourself. If you know that you won't be comfortable in a relationship with a bi man, don't start one. I wouldn't.
sugarmomma Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 He's brave enough to let the world know he's bi... Why would he use bisexuality to "hide" homosexuality? That wouldn't make sense. But he isn't because he told her he was straight. I don't have a problem with it but he should be honest regardless of what he thinks her response will be. I can respect a man for that.
Author jennifer4 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 That's it. He's claiming he's straight. I want to ask him about previous relationships but it's too early. I have a hard time letting people know it won't work. But one of us needs to be honest. I guess it's gotta be me. I just need to realize that even thought I want a relationship with a nice guy this is probably not going to be ideal for me. For someone else maybe, he really is a nice guy. He makes me laugh and enjoy talking with him. Thanks for the advice and opinions. I appreciate it.
sugarmomma Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 That's it. He's claiming he's straight. I want to ask him about previous relationships but it's too early. Don't ask him since he is already lying to you. I would just keep him in the friend zone since you will be the only one to blame if it comes back and bites you in the ass. You saw it for yourself in black and white. Move on and find a straight man. There are plenty out there.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 why not have a relationship with him as long as he is exclusive with you? His given status already assures he's going to cheat on her, or on whomever his next partner is. The only question that remains is "when?"
Author jennifer4 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 After having another conversation with him last night I'm noticing that aside from the bi thing maybe we don't have too much in common. So I met a nice guy who isnt for me. Now I move on. Just so many different people out there, one day I'll be brave enough for online dating. Til then I'll keep weeding through the real life guys : )
Kamille Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 His given status already assures he's going to cheat on her, or on whomever his next partner is. The only question that remains is "when?" I don't understand your reasoning. Why would anyone assume someone who's bisexual is more likely to cheat than heterosexuals or homosexuals? People cheat for different reasons. Sexual orientation has little to do with it. Again, I feel this idea that bisexuals cheat is based on a stereotype, with little basis in reality. I know a few people who are bisexual (they've dated and been in relationships with people of both genders), and as far as I know, none of them have ever cheated on their partners. Saying people who are bisexual are likely to cheat is like saying I might cheat on my black boyfriend because I dated white guys in the past, or that a self-titled "ass-man" would cheat on his girlfriend if she lost or gained weight. The reality is, the capacity for human attachment goes deeper than that for most of us.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I don't understand your reasoning. Why would anyone assume someone who's bisexual is more likely to cheat than heterosexuals or homosexuals? People cheat for different reasons. Sexual orientation has little to do with it. Again, I feel this idea that bisexuals cheat is based on a stereotype, with little basis in reality. I know a few people who are bisexual (they've dated and been in relationships with people of both genders), and as far as I know, none of them have ever cheated on their partners. Saying people who are bisexual are likely to cheat is like saying I might cheat on my black boyfriend because I dated white guys in the past, or that a self-titled "ass-man" would cheat on his girlfriend if she lost or gained weight. The reality is, the capacity for human attachment goes deeper than that for most of us. Yep, I'm feeling your example now. You go out to a club, you meet a black social prospect, you are totally smitten by him... it's a great night, you can't wait to get home and sit by the phone. Eureka !!! Next day, he calls... and he says: "I have to tell you something" ( you brace yourself) He says: "I'm black" . . . . . (fast forward to a point three years later) . . . . . He's been lying, cheating... threatening... absent from the relationship... then he comes home one night, and midway through an argument... he says: """... I told you in the beginning that I was black! """ (as if that excuses something) Now, in the end, there is equally little reason for the boyfriend in your far-off example to have felt the need to inform you of his blackness, as there is for a well-intended, monogamy-minded partner to inform you of his or her bisexuality. So no, the bisexual's predisposition for cheating has nothing to do with his/her "sexual orientation", and everything to do with the fact that he/she would find any reason to inform you of it.
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