tincanman99 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 This is something I have been thinking about for a number of years. As most relationships end in the proverbial train wreck, what is the point of having them in the first place? This is the equivalent of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer and than wondering why your head hurts, followed by you doing it again repeatedly. This is illogical and makes absolutely no sense. The divorce rate is like 60% in the US. That means you have only a 40% chance of it working out. Less than 1 in 2. Most people bounce from relationship to relationship to relationship. Its a pointless exercise and most of the time ends with no positive outcome. Even the people with so-called "soul mates" end up breaking up/divorced. It doesnt seem so soulful now does it. Ok, people get lonley - yeah so. The same applies to sex - yeah it feels good but that 30 seconds of fun eventually ends up in aggravation of some kind. I have heard that saying that says you havent lived till you loved, well what goes with that is that you havent lived until you have gone through a breakup or divorce either. So why do people keep doing it? PS. Keep in mind this is not what I believe but am just curious as to why people keep doing it.
Andy_K Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Just because something doesn't last forever, doesn't mean it wasn't a worthwhile or enjoyable endeavour. If a relationship lasts 5 years, and four and a half of those years are great, it's 90% worthwhile
Cee Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 With the exception of one (an impulsive rebound), all of my relationships were pretty good. And none of them ended in chaos and drama. The breakups were painful, but we parted in an adult fashion. I think fondly of all of these men and am glad that their lives have been good and they have moved on to find other loves. I am in a relationship after being single for several years. Being single is great, but so is being in a relationship. My boyfriend gives me so much and I love to laugh with him at midnight in bed while we watch funny videos. He likes to look at me while I sleep so he asks that I face him in bed. And he is ready to take my phone calls and he sends me emails to talk about his day. And I love to bury my face in his neck and smell him. The sex is great too- regular and frequent, something I rarely got when single. There are so many benefits to a loving relationship and I feel blessed to have one. Just because something will end doesn't mean we shouldn't love. I prefer to live in the moment and enjoy the good in life as long as it lasts. Just like the reality that we will all die, which does not mean we should stop living.
SingVoice Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Well...you could say the same thing about life. What happens if your life is full of turmoil? People die...you lose your job...car accidents...your health....etc. Does that mean because things don't always work out that you should just kill yourself to avoid it? The point is...it's worth it. Being alive is worth all of the bad stuff. Just like being in love is worth it too. Yes sometimes it doesn't last. But you take the good with the bad. That's life. Aaaaaaand now I am Dr. Phil.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 The same applies to sex - yeah it feels good but that 30 seconds of fun eventually ends up in aggravation of some kind. Well there is your problem!
sally4sara Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Car accidents happen. We still drive Driving isn't even all that fun and going to the airport down right sucks. Err WHAT? what's this 30 seconds crap?!
paleblue Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Err WHAT? what's this 30 seconds crap?! Yeah, I wasnt going to go there... I'm sure he's talking proverbially lol.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Human touch is a basic human need, and it's been proven that it supports good physical and emotional health. Yes, I hug and touch my friends a little bit, but it's nothing like the full-body groping and loving-up that you get from your man (or woman). I certainly do miss naked-in-the-sheets hugs.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I don't jump from relationship to relationship but I do have a habit of jumping from guy to guy. Most of the time I'm only looking for stimulating activities to do, some of these guys really are fun to hang out with, but ultimately they're not relationship worthy. I can say this- the serial dater dates as a high. The serial rebounder dates for the sake of forgetting the ex. I'm somewhere in between.
Nexus One Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 (edited) Human touch is a basic human need, and it's been proven that it supports good physical and emotional health. There has been research regarding babies and their need for human touch. It appears that babies that have never been touched or hugged from the moment of birth by another human being are likely to die. Babies need that physical contact to literally stay alive during early infancy. So it's quite possible that touching and hugging might have some significance for adults too. Edited March 8, 2011 by Nexus One
Cee Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I agree with Nexus One. Touch is a basic need. This is going to sound pathetic, but I became touch starved from being alone for so long that I had a one night stand and used the guy for cuddling, not sex. I know, pretty sad.
laRubiaBonita Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 "I would rather have 30 minutes of Wonderful than a Lifetime of nothing special"
Gypsy_Soul Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 People are social creatures. Even if someone isn't so sociable, perhaps a hermit, we all still then have other needs and urges that require human contact that can be hard to fight or keep under control for long periods of time. Some people can do it. Some people can just be happy masturbating forever, although I wonder if there are people who don't even do that.
Author tincanman99 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Yeah, I wasnt going to go there... I'm sure he's talking proverbially lol. Yes I was speaking proverbially about the 30 seconds of sex .
Ruby Slippers Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 This is going to sound pathetic, but I became touch starved from being alone for so long that I had a one night stand and used the guy for cuddling, not sex. I know, pretty sad. I knew the last guy I dated was not long-term material for me, but oh my god, he gave the most amazing full-body massages that went on forever. I could not in good conscience keep him around just for that (even though he offered), but man, I still really miss them!
Woggle Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 You just have to find the right relationships. It's like eating. A lot of stuff on the market is chemical enhanced crap but if you look right you can find good and healthy food. Relationships are the same way. Also we here more about the bad ones then the good ones. The people in happy relationships tend to just live their lives and not bother anybody so we don't notice them as much as the trainwrecks.
Titania22 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I think it's the opportunity for personal growth on the fast track. What's more challenging and confronting then having to deal with another personality in your space? Driving isn't even all that fun and going to the airport down right sucks. Speak for yourself, I LOVE driving, especially city driving. It really pulls me into the moment, total focus, and much more compelling for me then sitting meditating.
Titania22 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 You just have to find the right relationships. It's like eating. A lot of stuff on the market is chemical enhanced crap but if you look right you can find good and healthy food. Relationships are the same way. Also we here more about the bad ones then the good ones. The people in happy relationships tend to just live their lives and not bother anybody so we don't notice them as much as the trainwrecks. That is an absolutely brilliant analogy.
Star_Bright Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Yeah, it's kind of like saying, why do we go on living, because we're just going to die anyway? I think there is pressure to marry and to stay together etc. because of society. I think it is natural to want human touch and connection but not "natural" to stay monogamous to and happy with one person forever. This doesn't mean I don't aspire to this-- eventually I would like to be in a good relationship that lasts a long time, and I'm working on myself so that I can be ready for that and know it when it hits me etc.-- but I think it is rare and that most poeple don't have that. Most people eventually have trainwrecks of relationships-- break-ups or affairs or unhappiness. Does that mean that it's not worth it when things are good? No, I still believe in the "better to have loved and lost" theory. I just think that being in love and staying in love takes so much-- two healthy people who want to do it and make an effort and sustain the relationship-- that it is very rare and so we should treasure our past relationships as learning experiences and remember the good times and learn from the bad times.
fishtaco Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I agree with the basic needs. But I also have a sort of positive view on this, which is different from my normal "the world is f-ed up" view. There are a wide range of people out there. The trick is to find the right one. You can't find the right one unless you know yourself first. And you can't know yourself until after you've gone through a series of failed relationships. So I try to learn from every relationship. What to watch out for, both in terms of the type of women I go after, and where my faults are. And hopefully the next relationship would be better. I tend to bounce. One relationship I cared too much, the next one I didn't care enough... etc. But hopefully every bounce takes me closer to my center. Easier said than done of course. Right now I'm struggling with my passive aggressiveness. This monkey has at least learned that passive aggressiveness is never constructive. Next step, control it. Amongst plenty of other things I need to address. So yes, train wreck will probably keep happening. But if I can make sure I never wreck the same way twice, I think eventually I can whittle it down to a manageable situation.
Titania22 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I agree with the basic needs. But I also have a sort of positive view on this, which is different from my normal "the world is f-ed up" view. There are a wide range of people out there. The trick is to find the right one. You can't find the right one unless you know yourself first. And you can't know yourself until after you've gone through a series of failed relationships. So I try to learn from every relationship. What to watch out for, both in terms of the type of women I go after, and where my faults are. And hopefully the next relationship would be better. I tend to bounce. One relationship I cared too much, the next one I didn't care enough... etc. But hopefully every bounce takes me closer to my center. Easier said than done of course. Right now I'm struggling with my passive aggressiveness. This monkey has at least learned that passive aggressiveness is never constructive. Next step, control it. Amongst plenty of other things I need to address. So yes, train wreck will probably keep happening. But if I can make sure I never wreck the same way twice, I think eventually I can whittle it down to a manageable situation. I have a very similar attitude to this. I always try to learn, and not make the same mistake twice.
AverageJoe Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 The trick is to find the right one. You can't find the right one unless you know yourself first. And you can't know yourself until after you've gone through a series of failed relationships. The only other thing I would add to this is time alone. You can't be dragging someone else into your life with successful outcome. Unless you truly know who you, yourself might be. As far as the human touch aspect, you don't need to be married or in a relationship to have that. One of the reasons people stay in toxic relationships is simply to try and prevent the other person from sleeping with someone else. And of course the fear of being alone. When it really is not as scary as some would make it out to be.
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