threebyfate Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I agree with the opening post. A guy can't come on too strong when a woman's really into him. My husband even proposed after 6+ weeks of dating and I accepted.
jane100 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Personally, I would enjoy a clingy woman, isn't it nice to have her all over you ? I understand! But real clingyness is off-putting. However, it is not to be confused with coming-on-strong, which comes from a place of confidence and genuine interest in the other person and joy of life IMO. Self-confidence obviously, but also confidence that as a man he wants you! And that is attractive to my mind. Also, coming-on-strong is not the same as rushing things. So I agree confidence and coming-on-strong can be combined with other traits that probably raise interest, taking time, giving space, and so forth.
jane100 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I agree with the opening post. A guy can't come on too strong when a woman's really into him. My husband even proposed after 6+ weeks of dating and I accepted. How lovely
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) I understand! But real clingyness is off-putting. However, it is not to be confused with coming-on-strong, which comes from a place of confidence and genuine interest in the other person and joy of life IMO. Self-confidence obviously, but also confidence that as a man he wants you! And that is attractive to my mind. Also, coming-on-strong is not the same as rushing things. So I agree confidence and coming-on-strong can be combined with other traits that probably raise interest, taking time, giving space, and so forth. Exactly. Which is why I say that the whole clingy vs interested , Needy vs attentive thing is all subjective. If the people are attracted to eachother and like eachother then nothing short of being a total wacko could cause them to loose interest. ... even then being a wacko may not be enough. Since many psychologist have described the initial phase of falling in love as being like temporary insanity. Coming on strong .... means being able to express your interest in a direct and up front way. Little to no game playing. Confidently approaching and following your own feelings and instincts. @East7 What you said about women and self esteem is true. It's not just older women for whom you can show all the attention you want and it's never enough for them. Consider the so called "high maintainance" girlfriend. The woman who wants a man to shower her with gifts and attention and money all the time. The woman who wants to wear high fashion at her boyfriends expense. etc. To such a woman her BF is not clingy. They feel entitled to such attention. So an insecure woman may feel overwhelmed by the attention and not feel deserving of it. That is very true too. Why should a man with the confidence to express his feelings even sweat what an insecure woman will think of him? They would be a bad match anyway. Edited March 9, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
somedude81 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Coming on strong and being clingy don't seem like they are the same thing. Coming on strong .... means being able to express your interest in a direct and up front way. Little to no game playing. Confidently approaching and following your own feelings and instincts. A man sees a woman, goes up to her and confidently says, "You are the most amazingly beautiful woman I have ever seen. Come and I will make you feel things you have never felt before." Is that coming on strong? Damn right it is. Clingy? Don't think so. A more real world example is a guy on a 1st date who goes for sex. That doesn't say anything about him being clingy. One thing I've heard, is that I don't come on strong enough. And that usually leads to a friendzone situation.
mo mo Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 If a woman is really into a man and wants him then he literally cannot come on strong enough for him to be coming on too strong. (Within sane reason... Leaving aside kooks who propose marriage at first sight or even within the first month or something.) Discuss. I agree. I'd also like to add that if attraction is strong to someone you like, that person can almost do no wrong and you will happily make excuses for bad behavior. This applies to either sex. Sometimes I come on here and see threads wondering why a mate or a person someone likes is acting a certain way... usually the answer to those problems is simple: if the person really liked you, he or she wouldn't keep you guessing so much.
threebyfate Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 How lovely Thanks. It was and still is amazing! He was so straight-forward and still is, which is like a breath of fresh air. Games beget games and while I understand that rejection is no fun, games aren't going to get you what you really want in life, that is unless you're not looking for anything committed or long-term.
Cee Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I agree with TBF. I detest playing games. When I'm truly interested, I feel like I'm coming on strong because I'm direct. But I think most people need lots of cues to detect interest. And I bathe them in cues until we exchange numbers. The advantage to being direct is I get rejected pretty quickly and then I'm not wasting my time. I take no for an answer and move on quickly to avoid embarrassment. Once in a blue moon, I meet the rare individual who is into me. And while not every flirtation pans out, at least I have a fighting chance in the dating world.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 What's interesting is on "girls ask guys" which has a younger crowd they don't see the same thing. I guess at ages 25 or less people think game playing is the way to go. The thing I am realizing is that game playing, being indirect etc etc. .... are a sort of passive aggressive manipulation that a sizable number of women have been talked into thinking is ladylike. When really all they are doing is being really aggressive in a manipulative way. Just like men who do the same thing, "being a jerk" etc. Like attracts like I guess. I'm not down for any of that. Anyone who needs that BS to feel in a relationship can just take a flying leap of a tall cliff and out of my life!
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