Mrlonelyone Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 If a woman is really into a man and wants him then he literally cannot come on strong enough for him to be coming on too strong. (Within sane reason... Leaving aside kooks who propose marriage at first sight or even within the first month or something.) Discuss.
Pyro Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Coming on too strong reeks of desperation and the need to have to rely on a relationship for survival, both of which are a huge turnoff for either sex.
SteveC80 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Coming on too strong reeks of desperation and the need to have to rely on a relationship for survival, both of which are a huge turnoff for either sex. Plus it shows neediness on the part of a women that turns the man off and shows lack of status and other options in a Man that turns women off But the op has a point if the other persons into you enough outside of being a whacko you can come on strong and still have sucess
carhill Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Want is fluid and ever-changing. I believe there are no hard and fast rules or generalizations which can be made. Disclaimer: I've never been the focus of such want so have no IRL anecdotes to offer but extrapolate from relevant life experience.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I agree with the OP. IME, most guys who get labeled as coming on too strong are simply showing interest in a woman who doesn't share the sentiments. The woman doesn't have the mental ability to tell the man directly she is not interested. She needs to label the man as something negative like needy, clingy, desperate, etc, in order to justify her disinterest where in realty it is something else. Yes there are some who fit the needy profile but not most. It can happen to women too but is much rarer. I know lots of girls and women who show needy behavior and that has never prevented them from having boyfriends or other types of relationships. If mutual interest exists coming on too strong is a non-existent concept.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 I see that most of you see this my way. People who don't see eye to eye about much on here too. So I'm not totally crazy. It could be said that the only really genuine romantic interest is of the kind where both people are so into each other that "coming on too strong is a non-existent concept". Therefore one should just act naturall and follow their instincts. If you are a casual fellow who acts aloof etc. do that. If you are a guy who likes to shower a woman with gifts do that. If a particular woman does not like your approach... scratch her off the list and move on to the next one until someone does. The right woman will not think you came on too strong. I made a poll about it just now.
depplover_1980 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Yes, I would say that it would highlight a difference in relationship styles, thus making them incompatible. It happened to me recently and I ended it - too full on, too emotional and I felt suffocated.
Gypsy_Soul Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I don't care how much I'm feeling a man but if he starts to get clingy it's a huge turn-off for me period. I enjoy a little distance. Coming on too strong reeks of desperation and the need to have to rely on a relationship for survival, both of which are a huge turnoff for either sex.
East7 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Generally a mutual interest will result in mutual acceptance without being judged too needy. I don't think it is a question of interest rather than a question of Tempo : Doing/Saying the right thing at the right moment. Example : 1 - Your GF says in a romantic moment "I love you so much" - You can tell her Ditto or "I love you too". A normal person would be happy. And she may be upset if you don't say it. She is receptive, you can tell her anything without sounding coming too strong. The same for proposal IMO : you better propose in a romantic moment when you feel she is head over heels with you rather than saying it out of the blue. 2 - Saying ILY, sending flowers ect to the same person who is being distant or when the relationship is down, will probably be judged "coming too strong" IMO, it is all a question of the right thing in the right moment.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 @deep lover. Likewise if one persons relationship style is very hands off... the person who's very hands on and emotional will feel like they are giving and giving without getting much back. There is no right or wrong way to love. Just people who aren't on the same frequency.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 (edited) I don't care how much I'm feeling a man but if he starts to get clingy it's a huge turn-off for me period. I enjoy a little distance. Could that be a matter of your relationship style as deep lover pointed out. I mean we tend to use the terms clingy and needy as if they aren't totally subjective. One womans clingy will certainly be another womans romantic. One womans space...will to another woman feel like lack of interest. @East 7. I dont' really buy that. If a woman is not interested in you then saying or doing the right thing and the right time won't change that. While if a woman is interested then not only will you not be able to say or do the wrong thing...she will come on to you just as much. i.e. if a woman is into you sending flowers will do no harm. If a woman is not interested sending flowers will do no good. Weather the flowers or ILY are well received is simply a matter of the feelings being mutual. The timing thing only makes it take longer to find out if you are a real match. Edited March 8, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
Gypsy_Soul Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Could that be a matter of your relationship style as deep lover pointed out. I mean we tend to use the terms clingy and needy as if they aren't totally subjective. One womans clingy will certainly be another womans romantic. One womans space...will to another woman feel like lack of interest. Good question, it could be viewed that way. Well, I find it "clingy", when a guy calls too much keeps asking for my number too much, then when I talk to them on the phone, they don't say anything. They have absolutely nothing to talk about, it's as if they just need to be connected even if they are just hearing you breath over the phone lol. Clingy is when, you haven't even started a relationship with the person and the guy will start showing behaviors as if he's the boyfriend when he's not. If you don't text him for a day, they text back, "does this mean we're broken up". I'm sure I have more examples but I can't really think too well right now lol I have other things going on, I'm multi-tasking. Another lady might find this to her liking though. He might be that romantic guy she's been seeking. True.
runner Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 There is no right or wrong way to love. Just people who aren't on the same frequency. i really like this. cheers
jane100 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 If a woman is really into a man and wants him then he literally cannot come on strong enough for him to be coming on too strong. Basically I believe this. If a woman is interested in a man and he genuinely feels the same, its good if he shows it!!! However, though a man can come on strong, he has to be careful not to suffocate her or not give her any space whatsoever. But coming on strong, yep, I'm all for it. (of course if the woman is not that keen its a very different experience!) and perhaps he needs to go slower!!!!!!!
East7 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Basically I believe this. If a woman is interested in a man and he genuinely feels the same, its good if he shows it!!! However, though a man can come on strong, he has to be careful not to suffocate her or not give her any space whatsoever. But coming on strong, yep, I'm all for it. (of course if the woman is not that keen its a very different experience!) and perhaps he needs to go slower!!!!!!! It is not easy to define what "suffocate" is. That's why my "theory" is more Doing the right thing at the right moment. It all boils down to a question of measure.
fishtaco Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Yeah pretty much. Once the woman is really into you, that's way more than half the battle. She will give you A LOT of room. You can come on too weak, come on too strong, be a nervous wreck, say goofy things, as long as it's not too extreme where you completely drop the ball, you're good.
depplover_1980 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I think 'coming on strong' is subjective, but I think it's fair to say that having to be in contact all day (text/call), then requesting to see you nearly as frequently is clingy - most things are defined to the English language as best they can. Clingy is the word for a reason, you feel like they are latching onto you for happiness, human cling film hanging around your leg - you try and peel it off but it keeps sticking to another bit!!
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 I think 'coming on strong' is subjective, but I think it's fair to say that having to be in contact all day (text/call), then requesting to see you nearly as frequently is clingy - most things are defined to the English language as best they can. Clingy is the word for a reason, you feel like they are latching onto you for happiness, human cling film hanging around your leg - you try and peel it off but it keeps sticking to another bit!! Such a clingy guy just needs to find a clingy woman.... but then to a clingy man and a clingy woman they would. Not call their behavior clingy. They would be totally normal to each other. If you found a guy to be clingy then you know you just weren't that into him.
depplover_1980 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Hmmm interesting because I think some things are what they are in life. To me clingy has a definition and is a behaviour that can be changed and adapted - I could be compatible with someone that was 'clingy' if we had an honest chat. It may turn out that person was with a 'needy' female who needed more and more attention, so he thought that was the way ALL relationships needed to be. I think it is a behaviour that lessens with experience and age.
LoganParker Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Could that be a matter of your relationship style as deep lover pointed out. I mean we tend to use the terms clingy and needy as if they aren't totally subjective. One womans clingy will certainly be another womans romantic. One womans space...will to another woman feel like lack of interest. I will have disagree with you Mrlonelyone, I think that neediness is never attractive to a woman in the same way that some men find find bald women with bad teeth and skin rashes unattractive. Neediness tells a woman that you are not "secure" as a man. Neediness is unattractive because it makes women feel your inner weakness... There is nothing more attractive in a man to a woman than unabashed self reliance. Here's how I distinguish this from romance. If a woman is so into you that she's intimidated by you. Like she's not sure if you like her, and she feels insecure because of it... then romance can be extremely powerful because you are confirming her deepest desires with your affections. Romance from a place of neediness however, is very unattractive. There are also guys who can convey their masculine strength and be romantic simultaneously. But if you're at the point where you question the merits of neediness as a way to make a woman feel attracted to you... then I would definitely not try to be this third kind of guy. You gotta be able to walk before you can run.
depplover_1980 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I will have disagree with you Mrlonelyone, I think that neediness is never attractive to a woman in the same way that some men find find bald women with bad teeth and skin rashes unattractive. Neediness tells a woman that you are not "secure" as a man. Neediness is unattractive because it makes women feel your inner weakness... There is nothing more attractive in a man to a woman than unabashed self reliance. Here's how I distinguish this from romance. If a woman is so into you that she's intimidated by you. Like she's not sure if you like her, and she feels insecure because of it... then romance can be extremely powerful because you are confirming her deepest desires with your affections. Romance from a place of neediness however, is very unattractive. There are also guys who can convey their masculine strength and be romantic simultaneously. But if you're at the point where you question the merits of neediness as a way to make a woman feel attracted to you... then I would definitely not try to be this third kind of guy. You gotta be able to walk before you can run. This is it for me.
runner Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 If a woman is so into you that she's intimidated by you. Like she's not sure if you like her, and she feels insecure because of it... then romance can be extremely powerful because you are confirming her deepest desires with your affections. i'm fascinated with this. i'm curious to hear women's thoughts on this.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) That's only true for a percentage of people. What is going to be true at all times and for all people is that emotions are relative. It depends on the two people involved. What feels like clinging to one person will feel totally normal to another. As for "how to act to attract women". I'm sorry bro but looking at your picture I will just tell you...if you attract women it has NOTHING to do with game or how you act. You are just physically attractive as a man. The hard truth, that people who sell dating books and "systems" don't say is this. Dating and mating in the early stages are all about physical attractiveness. If you are physically attractive as a man then nice guy, nerdy guy, clingy guy, aloof guy, jerk, geek, whatever you will have luck with women. The same is true for women if your hot you will have luck. The reason that these "systems" don't talk about that is because then who would buy? It would be one page... if you have trouble finding a date...hit the gym and have plastic surgery. Edited March 9, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
East7 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Here's how I distinguish this from romance. If a woman is so into you that she's intimidated by you. Like she's not sure if you like her, and she feels insecure because of it... then romance can be extremely powerful because you are confirming her deepest desires with your affections. i'm fascinated with this. i'm curious to hear women's thoughts on this. I have always thought that making a woman insecure raises her interest level, thus confirming later your interest/love is much more enjoyable for her. I have always thought is not good to sell the store too fast...I mean if the guy is needy, says ILY at the first stages of dating it is a turn off for a majority of women IME. That's only true for a percentage of people. What is going to be true at all times and for all people is that emotions are relative. It depends on the two people involved. What feels like clinging to one person will feel totally normal to another. . You know Mr.Lonelyone, as "coming too strong" concept is very subjective, I would relate it to self-confidence and being secure. On ones side, women who are insecure don't generally like exaggerated attentions, they have a low self-esteem and unconsciously feel they don't deserve attention and there is something wrong with it. It is not logical, it a subconscious reaction. On the other side, secure and generally older women are much more comfortable with being showered with attentions. I had a GF who had a very strong self-esteem and personality, she enjoyed being showered with attentions, she was completely comfortable with it. Never I felt I was doing too much. Personally, I would enjoy a clingy woman, isn't it nice to have her all over you ?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Clingyness is an unattractive quality, either from women or from men. I know, whenever I've had a one-itis before, I've discovered that I'm shooting myself in the foot. Because...there is no one. And to try to state that there is...well, you're fooling yourself, because she will never feel the same way about you, as you feel about her. The best thing you can do is to just observe, react, and distance yourself from overreacting. And don't put too much investment into a relationship, until both of you are on the same page.
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