mishaps Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hi everyone just looking for what people think on this. Me (24) and my gf(25) have ben together fir about 3 and a half years now. We had a break last summer for 2 months where we were going through some stuff and she went out with someone else. We got back together and things seemed great. Recently her parents told her they were moving, she lives with them and she said that she has to live with me. The reason her parents decided to move into a 1 bed apt and not a 2 bed was they said to her oh you can move in with M, which I think is completly unfair on me. We had been living together for about 1 year prior to our break up and it did cause a lot a problems, some of which are surfacing again like the arguments. We are different, she is out to her family and I am not, and I don't think I can come out in the forseeable future if ever. We have completly different upbringings which makes our takes on lives different, I am one for getting the best education best job etc because that is the way my parents brought me up and have always finacially supported me in what I wanted to do, she on the other hand is a I will see what comes along and hence she dropped out of uni and has worked, yet finacially she is still worse off than me (another reason she had to live with me she couldn't afford to rent a place at the moment). We have different ways of thinking, like I'm a kind of if I see something I will do it there and then but she is like I will do it tomorrow and tomorrow it will get done the next day. E.G. if I clean I will do it thoroughly whereas she does if half heartedly, I will move and dust under she dusts around simple example. We come form different cultures and religions, and up until I started thinking about the future and kids culture didn't seem so big to me but it does now, she is English, I am Indian. I want my kids to be brought up culturally Indian and them to have everything I had as a kid even it meant of the sacrifice of my parents, but I dont think she sees it that way, to her education isn't as important as it is to me nor is the right responsibilties for example finance. We have different values and our responsibilites of life our a little different. I do love her a lot and it's hard becuase I have all these conflicts in my head. She keeps saying to me I want to travel and have a fmaily with you, but I don't think she has throught all these other things through because it's really got to me since she moved back in with me and our little conflicts have started. If I end it with her I don't know if I am making a big mistake or not. Whatever happens we make brilliant friends, best friends and I still want her in my life somewhere. Does anyone have any help for me to help me make a decision?
lenny Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 mishaps, I really feel for your quandary here and can understand your confusion. I think you need to examine just how important these differences between you are to you and whether you can live with them for the rest of you life. It's a hard place to be in where you are faced with a decision with mixed feelings either way. Things like the dusting - oh well, most people could get around that. But different ideas on child rearing ... a biggy. Maybe writing down everything in a pros and cons list will help you sort out your feelings on this issue.
Author mishaps Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 Thanks lenny, I have tried making pros and cons lists but sometimes when you do that you are more bias to one rather than the other. It's really hard to think right now because every time I try and talk to her she is like you are going to dump me I know it. we are going on holiday in a couple weeks and she keeps saying when we come back I'm going to move out and you are going to dump me. All I want is a.conversation to see if thing like our takes on life and kids will match. Anyone have any ideas on how i can try this conversation without the upset and her feeling down. She is quite downat the moment anyway because of work.
iJester Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Nope, no way to do it without hurting her feelings. The writing is on the wall and it looks like she can read it just as clearly as you can, maybe even clearer than you can. You didn't say one good thing about her in your OP.
Author mishaps Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 For the record there are tons of good things about her. She is caring, she makes me feel happy when I am down, she is there emotionally most of the time when I need her. That's why its so hard because there are so many good things. Granted maybe we may not have the same interests in terms of what we like doing but we get on great most of the time. She is willing to try things that I like doing, like playing golf. I do feel like I have a good companion in her and I do love her but then all the other factors come up as mentioned before. Maybe she can see clearer than me but then why does she stick around? she doesnt have anywhere else to live so I don't want to make her feel like she doesnt have a home. We are going away in 2 weeks and I want that holiday to be amazing. I do care about her a lot. Hence the difficulty...
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