momof1 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 My husband and I started dating in 99 and got married in 2005. I recently found out he cheated on me a few times right before we were married. I was angry and hurt, I gave him my heart and trust and for what, to be stabbed? This is something I could probably get past, I told him I could. But, in recent months I feel like I cant get away fast enough. He is critical of me going back to school and furthering my education. On top of it all, he had back surgery and has been home since December and all he does is play video games. I mean like 8 hours a day, stays up all night, and we have a four year old daughter. He never asks how my day was, and when I get home from working all day, and he is on his video games, I get to cook supper, clean up, do the laundry and if Im blessed that day he might wipe off the table. I AM DROWNING!!!! I feel like I cant breath, I didnt sign up for this life. I want to be able to go out with the girls for dinner or go workout without a guilt trip about how my daughter never sees me, which she does. On top of this, he told me if I gave him another chance he would agree to going to see a counselor, its been two months and he is yet to make an appointment. I didnt want to do it, I wanted him to prove to me that he really wants it to work. I handle all the finances, ohone calls, etc. I just want to breathe. We dont sleep in the same bed, for months now, I just want to live? Why do I feel so guilty for wanting to leave? I dont know what to do, he isnt going to change, and why should he? He says, Im too emotional, and Im crazy and that he is fine. If I just got on some meds I would be able to handle him better, HELP!!! Advise please???
TigerCub Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hi In your post you said that your H promised if you gave him another chance, he'd go to counseling... What other chance? Did you kick him out before, or tell him you're leaving? was it due to the discovery about the cheating or did you know of it before you got married?
Hanther Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 WHOA...he tells you that you need to be on meds to handle him??? That is an insult to HIM, not to you! I would kick him in the face for that (not literally). He needs serious help. Demand that he go to counseling or you're out. And if he doesn't make the appointment that very minute, GET OUT. He's lost his mind.
Hanther Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Also...I'd start doing things only for myself and my daughter. Do your laundry, not his. Set the table for two, and cook for two. When he asks why, explain to him that you don't have the energy to take care of him anymore. I'd be a b*tch until he learns that he's not a child. But that's just me. lol
Jonah Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I am so sorry for your having to live through such disappointment. There is no telling when or if ever your little boy will ever grow up. I suggest you leave asap and take care of you and yours the best that you can. Always focus on taking care of business and doing good things for yourself and you will be fine. If you care to "wait and see" then do let him know that you will be watching him to see what kind of man he is. If he loves you, he may snap out of it right quick. Hey, someone has to be the adult. -Jonah
DaisyLeigh Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I would get rid of the game system. He doesn't clean, work or do anything to contribute? Fine. He doesn't get the privileges of a contributing member of the family. Stop doing anything for him. Don't clean up after him. Don't do his laundry, cook his meals, or anything else. He can damn well do something around the house, even with a bad back. Let him spout off his guilt trips. Who gives a **** what a slug thinks? YOU know the truth. Live your life. Go out to dinner, and to the gym. Do what you want. You are the breadwinner, and he is a leech. Nothing more.
Mauschen Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 It sounds like my ex-husband! I tried to make it work for many years, and while I worked, cleaned, cooked, shoveled snow, raked leaves, cared for the children, he sat in the basement watching TV and playing guitar. I never have a desire to nag, but I was required to nag to get him to do anything, which would leave him resentful. He refused to see a therapist and refused to make any changes. The last straw for me was infidelity. Since leaving him, I can say that my life has been much better in general. Of course, communication with him regarding the kids can be a challenge, and he sometimes makes comments to the kids about me and my current husband. Still, having a broken family is not easy at times, and I still wish that my ex could have been a better husband and father so my children wouldn't have to experience a broken family. It isn't always easy for them, but they do recognize the extreme differences between their father and my husband. My daughter often comments on how much my husband does around the house, and how freely he gives attention to me and the kids compared to their father. So sad. Obviously, something in your relationship needs to change. Having back surgery is not an excuse not to do anything for 3+ months. I work with a woman who is wheelchair-bound and has been through many surgeries over the past 2-3 years, and she is amazing at her job. It is more about attitude than disability in my opinion. Throw away the video games and the TV; there are better things for him to be doing all day - like paying bills, studying for a new job (if he needs one), preparing meals, etc.
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