Faded_x Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hi guys, I'll just give you some background information on my relationship, before getting into what I was wanting to say/ask. My boyfriend and I live in the same country/state, about a 5.5 hour car ride away. So not a huge distance away, but enough to be a bother sometimes. Due to our schedules (he works, I have uni), we can only see each other on weekends (usually a friday-sunday thing). The situation is, my boyfriend and I haven't seen each other in awhile. We were planning on seeing each other this weekend, but things have come up that make him busier than expected. He has to work a half day on saturday (which is frustrating because it rarely happens, but it just had to be this weekend!), and now has commitments that he can't get out of that will make him unavailable from late saturday night, and into the early afternoon on sunday. So the only time we'll really have to spend together is for a few hours on saturday. This normally wouldn't be a problem; we'd just reshedule for the following weekend. But it's been awhile since we've seen each other, and there are chances we may not be able to see each other for another 2 weeks. I know most people will say that they'd take every opportunity they could get to see their partner; even if it were only for an hour. I get that, but I don't really think I can handle it. We've had a few fairly short visits before, and I sat and cried after I got on the train. Seeing him for such a short period of time pretty much makes me miss him more than if I didn't see him at all. Does that make sense to anyone? I mean, weekend visits are really short as it is, most people I know spends weeks at a time together; but a few hours? I think I also need to be looking at it practically. I'll be travelling there by train, which takes 7-8 hours. The amount of time spent travelling to him will almost quadruple the actual time I'll spend with him. This costs a fair bit of money, which doesn't bother me whenever I travel to see him normally; but it seems like a bit of a waste for a few hours, you know? I won't be paying for it, he will; but still. Sometimes we can't see each other due to financial reasons, so it seems a bit silly to "waste" this opportunity, when I think it will be better off being spent when we can see each other for longer. Does this make sense to anyone else? I know it probably seems like I don't think my boyfriend is worth the time and effort. I really do. I just don't think I can really handle it emotionally; and looking at it practically, it doesn't make much sense. I know it will be time for me to go, and I'll get upset and feel bummed the whole way home. The thing is though, I think my boyfriend has kind of taken offense to my way of thinking; which makes it difficult. So what I was really wanting to ask; does anyone else feel the same way about short visits? If you've never experienced such a short visit, then you possibly aren't sure how you would act. Before all this, I would have thought that I would jump at the chance at being able to see him for any period of time. But then I found out how bad it is emotionally.
creighton0123 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I hate invoking my own experiences in answering a question or consoling... but I won't have the opportunity to see my boyfriend until the first week in May. I haven't seen him since New Years Day. Save your money. Two weeks will come and go before you blink your eyes and you can go see him when you both have a little more free time. Perhaps the two of you can take that time instead doing the following, if an option: 1. Block out the time and figure out how you can get some privacy 2. Start a video chat session over Skype 3. Cook the same meal if you both have kitchens available 4. Enjoy some drinks if you're both of drinking age 5. Have a mini-Skype date to fill the time instead of wasting 14 hours to travel for limited time spent. There are some good online game services you can use to play cards/pictionary/etc. etc. that are always fun.
Author Faded_x Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Thanks for reading my rambling post, creighton. I appreciate it! And by all means, invoke your own experiences! The reason I like posting in places like this, is because I know the advice is coming from someone who can relate on some level. It's hard for people who aren't in a LDR to know how they'd feel. Those are some great ideas! Unfortunately, we won't be able to webcam (we don't use skype; just video calls over MSN which are the same thing) because he won't be home this weekend. That was a major part of my reluctance as well; all of our time will be spent out and about, and a lot of it probably travelling too. There wouldn't really be any time for just laying together, talking and hugging; you know? We do webcam fairly often though; a few times a week at least. So we do "see" each other fairly regularly, even if we haven't actually been able to see each other properly.
folieadeux Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hi Faded, I'm glad to see things are going well between you and your boyfriend again. All things considered, I would wait to see each other until you can have some quality time together out of a visit. I am definitely one of those people that would jump at any chance to see my boyfriend no matter what but, after reading your posts, it doesn't sound like you'd have that much time together at all if you go now. I think it takes a really big person to logically weigh this out beforehand without the excitement of getting to visit at all cloud your judgment. I have a really hard time with this. I think you're doing the smart thing by waiting and it would save you both alot of disappointment in the long run.
nowrong Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I live only about 70 miles apart from my bf. We typically see each other Fri - Sunday also. This weekend he is going to a concert with his friends (one that I am not interested in) on Friday night so I won't go there until Saturday. This means he will be tired but at least I get to spend a few hours with him and we still have time to watch our Netflix Movies. I have been thinking about not going based on your same reasons but it's only 70 miles for me so I think it's worth it for me. However, for you if money can be an issue at times then I say by all means wait until you can spend more quality time together. We chat on the phone every night but don't do the internet thing either. Take a little time for yourself and see him when you have more time. However, if he really wants you there that says a lot too. Hope you make the right decision for you.
Els Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I don't think there's anything wrong at all with postponing til the next week instead of taking a 8-hour commute to meet him for 1 hour. It would be another thing if this was literally your last chance for months or something but since it's just next week.. why not wait? If he takes offense to it, why does he not come instead?
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 you can postpone for the next week or how about meeting half way so you can have longer hours? sometimes meeting for a few hours eases the feeling of longing, so probably that's where your boyfriend is coming from. i also used to date a guy like that, i would travel like 2-3 hours just to see him. if i wanna see him badly we meet halfway, have dinner together and go watch a movie or something.
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