sunsh1n3 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hi all, could really do with your help and advice. I have been with my boyfriend now for nearly 2 years. It has been an emotional roller coaster as he cheated on me for 10 months with his ex. I met him at work and instantly fell in love! hes an amazing guy and incredably gorgeous! (everything seemed perfect) We started seeing eachother very quickly after he broke up with his ex so i should have known i was in for a ride! They had been together for 5 years and lived together, he was obviously not over her. But dispite my concern, he told me that he didnt love her anymore and that he wanted it to work with me. I believed him. 10 months into the relationship i get a fone call from his ex telling me that they were still sleeping together and were talking about getting back together. She had no idea about me untill a friend told her. I agreed to meet with her and we had a good chat about things. He lied to us both and we were both extremely shocked and upset. we both ended it with him but of course it wasnt long till i started to really miss him. We started seeing eachother again and ever since it has been a constant emotional battle to trust him. I really love him and know that not many people wud even consider giving him a asecond chance but i do believe in fighting for love. We are now living together and do have a great relationship, but i am extremely paranoid that hes going to hurt me again! I have checked his fone and computer and i hate the person ive become! its not me at all! he does insist that he will never do it again and that he just wasnt over his ex! But am i fighting a loosing battle?
paleblue Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hi sunsh1n3 sorry to hear this happened to you. that’s a really crappy thing to do to you. im glad to hear you and his ex got together and talked. but I will say tisk tisk for getting yourself back into this situation before sorting thru all your feelings. I do know its hard tho when feelings are involved, so don’t feel bad about that. ive been there also. unfortunately I don’t think you will ever be able to completely trust him now that this has happened. its just the way it goes. I think that’s kinda obvious in your situation by you saying you are extremely paranoid he’s going to do it again. do you think that’s a healthy thing? it’s exhausting to feel that way with someone all the time to be honest. I cant answer your question if you are fighting a loosing battle, only you can decide that. but I will say that once trust is completely broken, it never seems to be able to be completely healed in the same way again. some people can work thru it for awhile, some cant. sorry. not the news you want to hear probably, but im not going to sugar coat it for you.
Datura Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 (edited) A "great relationship" requires trust, and there is no trust here. Not only did he cheat, and lead someone else on, he didn't even come forth with the information - the ex ended up telling you. If that didn't occur, how much longer do you think this deception would have continued? Do you think he would have ever told you? You need to come to terms with if you want to live your life questioning your boyfriend's loyalty, and driving yourself crazy doing so. There are men out there who are actually decent. And being as young as you are, it seems even more silly to waste time on the likes of him. Edited March 8, 2011 by Datura
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