SunsetRed Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I think I've done really great with handling my break up. I did NC, got busy with life and self improvement. I even attempted to date again. The trying to date thing is what has made me miss my ex even more. The last guy I tried to date has caused me to have an enormous setback and I keep missing the connection I had with my ex. Plus, its spring and I'm getting spring fever and wanting someone to be with. I am dying to contact my ex but I'm afraid to as well. If i keep on doing NC, won't he eventually get curious and call me? if I break NC now will that prevent him from calling me one day out of the blue with one of those "I just wanted to see how you were doing" calls? How damaging is it to break NC? Does doing NC make or break your chances of a reconciliation?
poorguy Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I've said it before and I'll say it again. Breaking NC, not breaking NC, whichever will not bring your ex back. The only thing that will bring him/her back is them. They will literally say it-otherwise any other form of contact is meaningless. THERE is nothing you can do to bring an ex back but you can do things to not bring an ex back. So with that if you do nothing, that's your only shot and in the meantime the clouds begin to slowly lift
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Wait at least a year, preferably several, and get in touch then. In the meantime, do other things that make you happy. It is spring and the sap is indeed rising. I certainly feel it too. However, I'd quite like a fling, or a playmate, or even a holiday romance. Nothing serious. Nothing desperate. I quite enjoy flirting at the moment. I am beholden to no-one except me. People take time to change and it doesn't happen in a couple of months. You are single, you're horny and there's a million guys out there who will be only to happy to satisfy your urges.
Layzie89 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Think about how much worse you'll be feeling if you reach out and he doesn't pick up, or doesn't reply. That alone will hurt, for me at least. Think about how you'll feel if you two actually do talk but he tells you stuff you don't want to hear ie. He's in love, engaged, married, been living with his new partner, life has been great since the breakup etc... I think the risk of being set back far outweighs the "benefit" of calling just to see how thing's are.
GreenPolicy Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Think about how much worse you'll be feeling if you reach out and he doesn't pick up, or doesn't reply. That alone will hurt, for me at least. Think about how you'll feel if you two actually do talk but he tells you stuff you don't want to hear ie. He's in love, engaged, married, been living with his new partner, life has been great since the breakup etc... I think the risk of being set back far outweighs the "benefit" of calling just to see how thing's are. Exactly. You don't know what is going on in your ex's life. They could be madly and happily in love with somebody new, or things might not be going well for them, or maybe they are somewhere in between. All we know is that their silence says that they do not want to be with us. We have to move on and write a new chapter in our lives.
Forgethim Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Trust me, it is not worth contacting him. I did that a lot for birthday wishes etc... and all I got was silent treatment. Nothing is devastating than getting ignored when you try to reach out. If he realy wants you, he will contact you. If he doesn't contact you it means he doesn't want the relationship or he already has a girlfriend. Just move on and try to forget him. I learned my lesson big time until I lose respect for myself. If I get into this kind of situation again I would never ever contact anybody after a break up. You still have that chance.
Layzie89 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Forgot to ask though Sunset, are you the dumper or dumpee? The game changes slightly if you were the dumper and you want your ex back...
Author SunsetRed Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Everyone is right...contacting him would be a BIG mistake. Everytime I've broken NC in previous breakups, I've regretted it so bad. By contrast, eac time I've faithfully done NC, my exes have always contacted me at some point. In each case, by the time they finally contacted me, I had moved on and was no longer interested. Lent is almost here. I think I'll give up reminicsing about my ex for Lent.
MissMoni Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Everyone is right...contacting him would be a BIG mistake. Everytime I've broken NC in previous breakups, I've regretted it so bad. By contrast, eac time I've faithfully done NC, my exes have always contacted me at some point. In each case, by the time they finally contacted me, I had moved on and was no longer interested. Lent is almost here. I think I'll give up reminicsing about my ex for Lent. SunsetRed, when you went NC did you tell your exes you were going NC? I told my ex I needed to distance myself from him and knowing his personality I am afraid that this will stop him from EVER contacting me again..which I know I shouldn't care if he does or not, but I hate knowing I could be the reason he is choosing to ignore me
Movingthrough Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I am dying to contact my ex but I'm afraid to as well. If i keep on doing NC, won't he eventually get curious and call me? if I break NC now will that prevent him from calling me one day out of the blue with one of those "I just wanted to see how you were doing" calls? How damaging is it to break NC? Does doing NC make or break your chances of a reconciliation? Ask yourself what you want to gain by contacting them. I'm a little different in the sense that i don't look at NC as in days or breaking and un-breaking, i look at it as something that needs to be done when there are NO other options, you have exhausted everything. You obviously have lingering feelings still and to be honest, contacting him is not going to give you the outcome that you want...trust me it wont. BUT, you have to ask yourself if you can deal with what it is on your chest that you subconsciously are trying to get off. I believe that if you consistently want to contact your ex that there is something else there that you never "fixed" or "finished" during the breakup process. So, if you don't do those things you will be one of those people that posts here and says "4 years NC, still thinking about them." Thats why I'm a firm believer on getting it ALL out at one point after the breakup, failing 100 times, doing everything wrong whatever, so when NC comes along you are like "there is nothing left i can do, therefor i have no reason to contact."
fetish Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 what if you're like me who cosigned a car for his recent ex when we were planning on getting married and still have 3 years left on payments? How do you deal with that? NC might need to be broken @ some point. I guess its worse if you had kids together.
IanIan Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Thats why I'm a firm believer on getting it ALL out at one point after the breakup, failing 100 times, doing everything wrong whatever, so when NC comes along you are like "there is nothing left i can do, therefor i have no reason to contact." Quite possibly the most sensible thing I've so far read on here.
Author SunsetRed Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 My purpose for breaking NC was pathetic. i wanted to have him back in my life and for him to love me the way he once loved me. Breaking NC will never make that happen so I am not going to break it. We've both said everything that needed to be said. I was doing ok with getting over him, but then I had a lousy date with a slimey creep and that caused a set back. Also, in February, an ex bf of mine from 6 years ago, friended me on FB. I have no desire to reconnect with this guy, but the day I friended this guy, my ex defriended me on FB. My hopes got up that he was jealous and wanted me, but then I just didn't hear anything from him. So, now I'm walking down this lonely road, hoping to meet someone else with whom I can have a great connection with.
radiodarcy Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Think about how much worse you'll be feeling if you reach out and he doesn't pick up, or doesn't reply. That alone will hurt, for me at least. Think about how you'll feel if you two actually do talk but he tells you stuff you don't want to hear ie. He's in love, engaged, married, been living with his new partner, life has been great since the breakup etc... I think the risk of being set back far outweighs the "benefit" of calling just to see how thing's are. i couldn't have said it better myself. i had been NC for close to 3 months when he contacted me. i figured enough time had passed and i would be ok being back in contact with him. that last all of about three weeks, when he started actively looking for a gf. and he let me in on every single detail. from when his next date was lined up to forwarding me profiles of girls who hit him up online. he and i never actually dated - - it was a fwb situation. but i fell for him and for over two years i begged him to give us a chance at a relationship. but he always said the timing was off, he wasnt ready, etc. now - - all of a sudden the timing is right - - just not with me. it was just too much for me, seeing him go out there and willing to give anyone else a chance but me. so i told him as much and went NC after that. he tried contacting me but i ignored him. he's hurt me enough.
Beeotch Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 I think I've done really great with handling my break up. I did NC, got busy with life and self improvement. I even attempted to date again. The trying to date thing is what has made me miss my ex even more. The last guy I tried to date has caused me to have an enormous setback and I keep missing the connection I had with my ex. Plus, its spring and I'm getting spring fever and wanting someone to be with. I am dying to contact my ex but I'm afraid to as well. If i keep on doing NC, won't he eventually get curious and call me? if I break NC now will that prevent him from calling me one day out of the blue with one of those "I just wanted to see how you were doing" calls? How damaging is it to break NC? Does doing NC make or break your chances of a reconciliation? The way I see it is: you reconciling has nothing to do with NC or no NC. It is either meant to be or not and only time will tell. Therefore you can break NC a million times, if it is not meant to be, then it won't happen or it won't last likewise if it is meant to be, then you can do NC for years and it still works out. Missing your ex is normal; but missing someone and you ultimately being together have nothing to do with each other. Everyone misses their ex...but it does go away after a while. Dating before you're ready will lead to so many comparisons and you missing your ex more, it is natural. Happened to me and I actually didn't date for 2 years (that was just how long it personally took for me to be over the entire thing, not to mention the ex and I had periods of "reconciliation" then him disappearing). So yea...I know the feeling of missing the ex or just missing being in a relationship but sometimes you just have to ride it out....or sometimes you can find temporary flings...but until you truly get over your ex, and you'll know when you do, then you're gonna always compare or miss them as your last reference point.
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