Mixed28 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 For people who have been in LTR for more than 6 years why is it that people breakup because they feel they aren't the one? I know this can't really be answered but its like why couldn't they figure this out say on year 4, or 5? I would be a serious wreck if I got dumped after spending that amount of time together. You guys had to put up with my crying and moaning forever and that was a 2 month relationship (although it was my first but still.
Thatguyintx Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 One reason is that people change. Core beliefs may not change, but goals, desires, and "health" can. I was married for several years. She and I both changed, and started heading down different paths. I did not want to divorce and did everything I could to fix our marriage. But we had both changed too much. By then, the wheels had fallen off and it was not recoverablee. That's one of the big challenges in relationships. How to change together. Been one of my experiences, I am sure others have differing opinions.
timchambo Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 It's **** like this that makes me lose faith in relationships. 7 years with my ex and we were growing together. She suddenly leaves for another guy when she lands her dream gig. 100 different reasons and the only thing that lines up is "new desires". So if desires are always changing WTF is the poit of a RL? As a man I wanted my girl and I to grow together and live lifes journey together. We are both very adventurous, I just don't get it. I now assume my next RL will end the same way eventually. Love is soooo over rated.
Author Mixed28 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 It's **** like this that makes me lose faith in relationships. 7 years with my ex and we were growing together. She suddenly leaves for another guy when she lands her dream gig. 100 different reasons and the only thing that lines up is "new desires". So if desires are always changing WTF is the poit of a RL? As a man I wanted my girl and I to grow together and live lifes journey together. We are both very adventurous, I just don't get it. I now assume my next RL will end the same way eventually. Love is soooo over rated. There is a couple I know of who divorced after 27 years, threy have been together longer than I have been alive. Honestly you can only rely on yourself for happiness not that you should put that on someone else but I mean in sense that we should not expect that person to be there forever.
depplover_1980 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 It is all about attitude. I've said this over and over again, relationships that end have not 'failed' they have simply 'ran their course'. We are brainwashed into believing this 'one love forever' stuff; it may work for some, but others will change, seek new lessons and pastures new. If you grow as an individual or have many happy memories, then you gained something from the relationship. Seek solace and strength as an individual, decide your own core values first and then go seek someone that is a good fit to you, instead of trying to fit into something that is not working.
fetish Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 people think one life, one love because of the bible. Whether you're married or together for a long time, people can grow apart to the point where it becomes more of a detriment to be together. So with the soaring divorce rates and things like that, what really is the point? Are we slowly diffusing God's plan? Or are we supposed to wait to be a lot older now days before tying the not?
depplover_1980 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 people think one life, one love because of the bible. Whether you're married or together for a long time, people can grow apart to the point where it becomes more of a detriment to be together. So with the soaring divorce rates and things like that, what really is the point? Are we slowly diffusing God's plan? Or are we supposed to wait to be a lot older now days before tying the not? Well I also think religion is brainwashing, but that is an entirely other subject. I like to treat people as individuals and with respect.
valdeetz1 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 It gets old- boring. 7 year itch, 80/20 rule. Things become to routine I guess. Speaking as one coming out of such a LTR BU I can speak for that to an extent. I was ok with the routine though. We were engaged, and have roughly been together for nearly 8 years, 1.5 in HS and then 6.5 - just a summer BU after graduation. I was fine in our relationship- comfortable. My ex, he got jitters, cold feet or whatever, took off for this new sparkly thing. It hurt like hell. Still does. I'm only 2.5 months out of it. And my ex is suffering from a serious bout of NRS- New relationship syndrome. Those two might stay together, or he might come back, or he might go to someone else, but the thing is time clears up NRS, and then you're in the same thing you were before. The thing is when you're in a relationship like ours, it becomes so...old I guess. You do things you would never do to others, clip their toe nails, clean their ears, pop there gross pimples. Clean their stitches and all kinds of things you never do in the begining of a relationship. Because that person has got to know you, your flaws, and accepted them and still cares for you. But sometimes- you get tired of looking at the same thing. You want something new. Maybe that was his case. He maintained he loved me- just wasnt happy anymore. I'm still trying to understand, so I guess this isnt the thing. And sometimes people grow apart- the relationship runs its course. The thing is though what you see when they leave for someone else- or when they get in a new relationship, is what hurts the most. How happy and ecstatic they are- how much they love their new partner. How they just seem to forget such a large portion of their life the past near decade or so. How everything is peachy- they spend every waking moment together, and are so sickeningly lovey dovey. But in time- it will wear off. And thats when they will make or break it. Myself- I cant begin to even think about a new relationship. I still feel attached, and what not, and my small dating experience backfired as one can tell from some of my other posts. I need time, NC and what not to move on. And thats what I plan on. NC, time and space. Though I love him, he is no longer my concern. Wow...long pointless reply- didnt mean to hijack this OP- I'll wrap it up now.
Author Mixed28 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 It gets old- boring. 7 year itch, 80/20 rule. Things become to routine I guess. Speaking as one coming out of such a LTR BU I can speak for that to an extent. I was ok with the routine though. We were engaged, and have roughly been together for nearly 8 years, 1.5 in HS and then 6.5 - just a summer BU after graduation. I was fine in our relationship- comfortable. My ex, he got jitters, cold feet or whatever, took off for this new sparkly thing. It hurt like hell. Still does. I'm only 2.5 months out of it. And my ex is suffering from a serious bout of NRS- New relationship syndrome. Those two might stay together, or he might come back, or he might go to someone else, but the thing is time clears up NRS, and then you're in the same thing you were before. The thing is when you're in a relationship like ours, it becomes so...old I guess. You do things you would never do to others, clip their toe nails, clean their ears, pop there gross pimples. Clean their stitches and all kinds of things you never do in the begining of a relationship. Because that person has got to know you, your flaws, and accepted them and still cares for you. But sometimes- you get tired of looking at the same thing. You want something new. Maybe that was his case. He maintained he loved me- just wasnt happy anymore. I'm still trying to understand, so I guess this isnt the thing. And sometimes people grow apart- the relationship runs its course. The thing is though what you see when they leave for someone else- or when they get in a new relationship, is what hurts the most. How happy and ecstatic they are- how much they love their new partner. How they just seem to forget such a large portion of their life the past near decade or so. How everything is peachy- they spend every waking moment together, and are so sickeningly lovey dovey. But in time- it will wear off. And thats when they will make or break it. Myself- I cant begin to even think about a new relationship. I still feel attached, and what not, and my small dating experience backfired as one can tell from some of my other posts. I need time, NC and what not to move on. And thats what I plan on. NC, time and space. Though I love him, he is no longer my concern. Wow...long pointless reply- didnt mean to hijack this OP- I'll wrap it up now. No put it all out there. 8 years? Mans that is HARD my longest was 2 months and it was clomplete hell and she got a new bf 2 months after our breakup. Hurts so bad
valdeetz1 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 No matter how long you've been together. Granted when its a LTR you have so much more time and effort invested, you've gotten out of NRS and pulled for the long haul. Emotionally you have much more intact. If you're still in the NRS stage it kind of hurts a little more if you dont see it coming I think. I think its a worse hurt, because you still have on those rose colored specs- you haven't started to see their flaws. So you keep them on a pedestal that way. This messes with you mentally. But I think...depending on the situation, a short term relationship you bounce back from a little faster. It really depends on the individual and the circumstances. But yeah- nothing compares to the pain you've experience to being rejected and 'replaced.' but even though its how it feels- they can never really replace you. You are an individual. There is only one you.
Recommended Posts