pandagirl Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 So, I haven't been posting much on LS lately, mostly because I'm pretty content about my life. Thing are for the most part... good. But tonight, my curiosity got the best of me, and I started stalking my ex. We've been broken up for 6 months, and while I've for the most part moved on, I still hold a flame for him. Anyway, as they say, don't go searching for something you don't want to see, and I got burned. I found photos of him from Christmas with his family and... his new girlfriend. I was shocked. I wouldn't have been surprised if he was dating, but to bring home a girl home for Christmas... well that indicates SERIOUS relationship. I am pretty heartbroken. Just three months after me, he had this new girl. Of course, now I think he was cheating on me with her (we were long distance). It would explain a lot of how things ended. And just days after those photos were taken, with them looking cozy, on New Year's Eve he texted me saying he was thinking about me and missed me. And about three weeks ago, he contacted me again. Knowing he had a girlfriend when he sent me those nostalgic messages makes me sick. Now I feel like I'm back to square one -- devastated.
Girlygirl1977 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 My goodness - I'm sorry you found out in this way. I think these things really hit you hard when they come by surprise. The truth is in some ways this will help you move on too. At least for me when I get a rude awakening like this, I make sure to feel all the sad and hurt feelings. Don't let them pass because letting yourself fully experience it is what will help you be able to move past it. The positive, you said your life is mostly good and so that's a positive thing. Again - nothing more I can say than I'm sorry you are going through this. (Hugs)
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Ouch! Do you have anything that he gave you? As well as pictures, letters, etc? Burn it! Might make you feel better. Sorry that you're hurting.
Author pandagirl Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 I'll be fine. It's just like, wow -- it took you a whole 6-8 weeks to get into another relationship. Replaced so easily. He told me we would grow old together, that I was the only girl he was ever in love with. Uh, right. It is a rude awakening. It just... hurts knowing that something you thought was so special, was so easily disposed of and replaced with another person.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Let me guess, Facebook? Social networks are the devil, especially after a breakup. And you were doing so well, P_G. I suggest you do a bit of a reflection on why you can't let go of your ex. Your feelings and emotions are still causing you conflict in regards to your past relationship, and unless you work on why you can't let go, it'll be harder still to mentally let your ex go. I read something last night that I find fitting here. According to American horror writer Steven King, his interpretation of hell is summarized in one sentence: " Hell is repetition".
Mrlonelyone Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 That must really hurt. I don't know if it'll help you but consider this. He's likely telling the same crap to more than one woman even now. Men and women in relationships do that all the time. They still feel attracted to others and play around a little outside their relationship.
tigressA Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I agree with Paper...Facebook does suck sometimes. After I broke up with my ex I came across proof he had cheated on me. I hadn't even been looking for it. I know in my situation, the hurt and rage I felt after discovering my ex's infidelity helped me move on faster. Think of it this way--now the illusion is broken. There's no need to romanticize him since you know his true colors.
Author pandagirl Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 I agree with Paper...Facebook does suck sometimes. After I broke up with my ex I came across proof he had cheated on me. I hadn't even been looking for it. I know in my situation, the hurt and rage I felt after discovering my ex's infidelity helped me move on faster. Think of it this way--now the illusion is broken. There's no need to romanticize him since you know his true colors. It's just like... who was this person even? I wish he was just honest. Even if he didn't want to be with me.
Kamille Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 (edited) Facebook does suck. Agreed. However Paper, there is no way for you to know all the details of the situation... And as a result you seem to have concluded for a series of "most hurtful" scenarios. The final scenario is hard to dispute, but here are a few places where you're allowing yourself to make assumptions... 1. Are you sure this girl is a romantic connection and not just an old-time friend of the family and/or cousin? 2. There is no way to ascertain that he broke up with you because he had met someone else. 3. Taking someone home for Christmas does not automatically mean serious. 4. Since we do not actually know the status of the relationship, there is no way to peg him with being an immoral two-timing azz with absolute certainty. 5. And even if she is his gf, he met her while you were LDR and was thinking of you while in a serious R with her - after presenting her to his parents, it in no way diminishes what you had together or mean he wasn't being honest with you about wanting to be with you, way back when you were in a relationship. Edit to add point: 6. Do you even know if he is still with her and was with her three weeks ago or even on NYE? The problem with this "recasting" of him as an azzhat and the relationship as a lie is that the only person you're hurting is yourself. Edited March 8, 2011 by Kamille
Author pandagirl Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Facebook does suck. Agreed. However Paper, there is no way for you to know all the details of the situation... And as a result you seem to have concluded for a series of "most hurtful" scenarios. The final scenario is hard to dispute, but here are a few places where you're allowing yourself to make assumptions... 1. Are you sure this girl is a romantic connection and not just an old-time friend of the family and/or cousin? 2. There is no way to ascertain that he broke up with you because he had met someone else. 3. Taking someone home for Christmas does not automatically mean serious. 4. Since we do not actually know the status of the relationship, there is no way to peg him with being an immoral two-timing azz with absolute certainty. 5. And even if she is his gf, he met her while you were LDR and was thinking of you while in a serious R with her - after presenting her to his parents, it in no way diminishes what you had together or mean he wasn't being honest with you about wanting to be with you, way back when you were in a relationship. Edit to add point: 6. Do you even know if he is still with her and was with her three weeks ago or even on NYE? The problem with this "recasting" of him as an azzhat and the relationship as a lie is that the only person you're hurting is yourself. Ahh, Kamille. I <3 you! 1. She is definitely a romantic connection 2. This is true; and actually, I don't think this was the case. 3. Also true 4. I'm not casting him as an azzhat. I think demonizing him does nothing for me, except make me feel worse. 5. I believe that he did love me when we were together. Very much. 6. Yes. Well, I am fairly certain because there are photos of them at xmas, and since NYE is shortly after, that makes sense. The latest photos of them together I have seen were dated from a month ago. And these are within the time constraints of when I got the texts from him. THE REAL REASON I AM SAD, is that he was able to move on so quickly from me. He considered me the only girl he was ever in love with, and to jump into a relationship just several weeks after our breakup -- one with who he brought home for the holidays -- makes me feel like I didn't mean much to him at all. I was THAT easy to get over.
Nexus One Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I am fairly certain because there are photos of them at xmas Perhaps you could stare at those pictures of him and his new girlfriend long enough until you realize that all hope is lost, so you'll fall out of love with him? KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Author pandagirl Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Perhaps you could stare at those pictures of him and his new girlfriend long enough until you realize that all hope is lost, so you'll fall out of love with him? KILL IT WITH FIRE! haha! It's fine he has a girlfriend. We've been broken up 6 months, but geez -- couldn't he have at least waited a few months?
tigressA Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 haha! It's fine he has a girlfriend. We've been broken up 6 months, but geez -- couldn't he have at least waited a few months? I really disagree with this. There's no set waiting period that's appropriate or inappropriate to move on with someone else after breaking up. Everyone is different. Some people just cope faster; it doesn't at all mean that he "didn't really love you". And who's to say that he was totally over you by the time he got with this other girl anyway? Many people get into new relationships before they've fully moved on from the previous one.
Nexus One Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 haha! It's fine he has a girlfriend. We've been broken up 6 months, but geez -- couldn't he have at least waited a few months? Perhaps she's a rebound? But that would only make sense if you broke up your relationship with him unilaterally.
Nexus One Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 (edited) I really disagree with this. There's no set waiting period that's appropriate or inappropriate to move on with someone else after breaking up. Everyone is different. Some people just cope faster; it doesn't at all mean that he "didn't really love you". And who's to say that he was totally over you by the time he got with this other girl anyway? Many people get into new relationships before they've fully moved on from the previous one. However if you do that too quickly and you (unwillingly) use your new partner as a rebound to fill a hole in your chest, then that's not really fair to that person. So in my opinion it's better to wait a little until you've regained some solid footing again, otherwise you're like an unguided missile craving for someone to fill that hole in your chest. Edited March 8, 2011 by Nexus One
tigressA Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 However if you do that too quickly and you (unwillingly) use your new partner as a rebound to fill a hole in your chest, then that's not really fair to that person. So in my opinion it's better to wait a little until you've regained some solid footing again, otherwise you're like an unguided missile craving for someone to fill that hole in your chest. Well yes, that can happen, but the new person is not who I'm referring to at all. I'm strictly referring to PG's assertion that her ex must not have loved her that much since he "moved on so quickly".
Author pandagirl Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 Thanks of the responses. My stomach is still in knots over this and I haven't been able to eat. I know this too shall pass, but it's bringing up a lot of feelings that I don't want to be dealing with right now.
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