NamNam Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hey all, My lady and I have signed the lease agreement with a six week advance and bond! We have all of our furniture and items purchased and ready to move in this weekend (Sat). Super excited!! But the downer....! I've already mentioned to them that I've been seeking places to move out to with my GF. They have always been opposed to my GF, and definitely the idea of moving out with her! How do I tell my folks that I'm pretty much leaving within the next couple of days? How should I approach this???!! .
Tayla Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Approach it as a grown adult. A simple announcement with re-assurance that you can handle this new phase and you will still be there son and visit.
Author NamNam Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 Are your parents Asians? Lol, yup, Asian as flied lice! Approach it as a grown adult. A simple announcement with re-assurance that you can handle this new phase and you will still be there son and visit. That's what I was thinking. I guess I just need to be prepared for the onlsaught of emotion and emotional blackmail. I hate it but it must be done!
amerikajin Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 Lol, yup, Asian as flied lice! That's what I was thinking. I guess I just need to be prepared for the onlsaught of emotion and emotional blackmail. I hate it but it must be done! The emotional blackmail thing isn't limited to Asians -- happens in honky families, too, if it makes you feel better. But my Asian wife was telling me about the kinds of shyte that happens in Asian families back home and I think I kinda see what you're up against. It's not just as easy as saying, "Later dude." I guess it goes back to what I mentioned earlier. There are things that you're going to have to deal with that they won't. You will probably outlive them. You are responsible for your own happiness. Thus, you should be the one to make the decisions that you deem best for yourself, as long as you're not flagrantly hurting other people. That doesn't mean that some people won't be 'hurt' anyway, but you're not setting out to hurt them. Easier said than done, though. You'll have to be willing to stand your ground, and you really have to be willing to accept the consequences.
Author NamNam Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 Thanks all for contributing! I'm about to do the unthinkable and inform them this very moment! Wish me luck!
Goldenspoon Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Lol, yup, Asian as flied lice! I knew it! What country are you parents from? Is your girlfriend from the same country? What's the ethnicity of her child's father?
Author NamNam Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 ^^^We're South East Asian! How did you know??! For those who are interested in how it turned out. It went as I expected. Accussations of naiveity, stupidness, and betrayal directed at me was common. Obviously they were unhappy and said many things to try and make me think otherwise. Their best tactic was to acusme of being selfish and not considering them (which i don't think is fair). I just had to keep reminding myself that what I am doing was not right and that I had thought things through. I made it clear to them that it was my decision and its a firm one that I have made. And despite, how they feel, it is something I want to continue to do. Now for packing...
amerikajin Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 ^^^We're South East Asian! How did you know??! For those who are interested in how it turned out. It went as I expected. Accussations of naiveity, stupidness, and betrayal directed at me was common. Obviously they were unhappy and said many things to try and make me think otherwise. Their best tactic was to acusme of being selfish and not considering them (which i don't think is fair). I just had to keep reminding myself that what I am doing was not right and that I had thought things through. I made it clear to them that it was my decision and its a firm one that I have made. And despite, how they feel, it is something I want to continue to do. Now for packing... Stay strong and come back here to post if you need to vent.
Author NamNam Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Stay strong and come back here to post if you need to vent. Thank you for the invitation to vent! At the moment there is no need to vent. I'm quite happy with my decision. It was very difficult when I arrived home to collect some of my things and my parents were still trying to convince me to reneged on the lease agreement. But I stood firm and told them that it is not an option, that was very difficult to look them into the face and say it directly. I've never quite had this experience with my parents. It is regrettable that my parents do not like my decision and have yet to accept it. It is new territory for all of us so hopefully in time the situation will improve.
amerikajin Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Thank you for the invitation to vent! At the moment there is no need to vent. I'm quite happy with my decision. It was very difficult when I arrived home to collect some of my things and my parents were still trying to convince me to reneged on the lease agreement. But I stood firm and told them that it is not an option, that was very difficult to look them into the face and say it directly. I've never quite had this experience with my parents. It is regrettable that my parents do not like my decision and have yet to accept it. It is new territory for all of us so hopefully in time the situation will improve. Your parents aren't going to turn their backs on you when it really counts, but they might make you think that for a while. Just try to meet them half-way. Another thing is, try to get your girlfriend not to overreact to all of this. She'll probably be offended that your family isn't 100 percent in favor of you and her as a couple, but try to reassure her that you'll deal with it. I think this is the part of this situation that tends to get overlooked and it can get really complicated, because then you will feel caught in the middle.
Author NamNam Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) Your parents aren't going to turn their backs on you when it really counts, but they might make you think that for a while. Just try to meet them half-way. Another thing is, try to get your girlfriend not to overreact to all of this. She'll probably be offended that your family isn't 100 percent in favor of you and her as a couple, but try to reassure her that you'll deal with it. I think this is the part of this situation that tends to get overlooked and it can get really complicated, because then you will feel caught in the middle. My parents and now my sisters have made it out like I have done something wrong. Right now there's another issue that has arisen which is between my GF and sister. Prior to the move out, they were getting along like a house on fire. My sister was able to meet and spend a significant amount of time getting to know my GF and was really enjoying it. Now that I've left the house my sister had sent my GF a text basically blaming her for not doing enough to convince me to do a U-turn. That hurt my GF more than anything my parents have ever said because they actually spent the time to get to know each other whereas my parents don't know my GF and have never met her. My GF is very wonderful and supportive through it all. We've spoken at length about the expectations of from my family and etc. so she was well aware in advance about what was to come. I always told her that I'll come good and stay strong if I believe in our relationship. Luckily I have been able to keep my promises despite how hard it is hehehe. She has taken everything it in stride when it comes to my folks and have not let anything bother her. However, it has taken a bit of time to reassure and comfort my GF when it comes to my sister. I personally think my sister is heavily influenced by what my folks say so she maybe feeling stuck in the middle somewhere. All three of us will be together in my new home tonight so I might use that oppurtunity to clear the air a little. Edited March 14, 2011 by NamNam
Recommended Posts