Flowerzzz Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Oh man, I feel elated and terrified at the same time! I was with him for 3 years. We lived together and I wanted to marry him. Of course, I did not do no contact in the beginning--I begged, pleaded, yelled, tried to be his friend. But then he got together with a "friend" of mine after a couple of months and I initiated no contact. So he just called me. I did not answer but he left a voice mail saying that "Hey Erin, I know we have not talked in a few months but I felt like the need to call you. Listen, I'd like you to call me back but I understand if you don't want to. Listen, I hope everything is going well for you and I hope we can catch up sometime soon. I will be up for a minute..I don't know if you are asleep yet or not..but I hope we talk soon." he sounded very unsure of himself, almost scared. I love him dearly still and it hurts me not to call him back but my goal is 60 days no contact. What do you guys think about his message? Oh, man.
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I'd take it at face value if it were me. I'd ask myself if I was really ready to talk to him and what it would achieve. I know that, for me, if I have deep feelings still then it is too soon. I'd need to have moved on and found other things, people, that make me happy sufficient enough to not care too much whether or not we were made contact. Only then would I feel confident enough that I was in the right place to be dealing with someone who I had deep feelings for. But that's just me.
radrluv72 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Wow. Well, I can totally understand the adrenaline rush...I'm 66 days NC myself, and if I my ex turned around & did the same thing that yours is doing right now, I'd be asking the exact same question. What the hell do I do? I'm one that is always wanting to be prepared for the worst. So since I got past the "hump" where my pain had reached it's climax and I started to feel like myself again--and also, not to mention, going through the "hardened heart" stage--I had asked myself a couple of weeks after I started NC if this same situation were to come up, what would I do? Well, the answer back then was a resounding "absolutely not". I knew that if in some snowball's chance in hell he would show up at my door, my first inclination would have been to break his nose because I was so mad at him for his lack of confidence in himself and in us. Weeks later, it's a different story. I've gotten past being angry & frustrated. I went through the period where I didn't think about him as much, and in the past couple of weeks, I've started thinking about him more again. Missing him...everything about him, really. Even the stupid bad stuff. But regardless how much I still love the idiot, if I checked my phone right this second and had the exact same message from my ex, my first thought would be, "what does he want?" I agree that you should take it at face value, but I'm not so sure that it's a "crumb". Frankly, I'd be inclined to get to your 60 day mark & see how you feel about the message then. After you have a few days, you may feel different about the level of curiousity you may be feeling about his message. But I wholeheartedly agree with what I've read several times in the forum...unless your ex is calling you to tell you what a massive mistake they've made, they want to reconcile & work things out, I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole. Yes, something is making him want to reach out, but that's what you have to be careful of. I say wait a few days. Make him sweat a little bit...if he wants to talk to you that badly, he'll call again. Maybe not the best advice, but that's just my 2 cents.
0hpenelope Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Eh, he can wait for 4 more days. Not hearing from you right away won't kill him and you've been doing so well. You have things to do, things that you've done for yourself because you want to get to being awesome again; so Miss Independent, get things done! He can wait. The 60 days is yours; own them! Congratulations!
Author Flowerzzz Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Thanks for all the sound advice you guys. I know I should meet my goal of 60 days FOR ME and I should make him sweat a little, as well. I am strong and in charge!
MasonM618 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 It sounds like he may have been doing some thinking, and realizes how much he really does miss you. If youre open to having him back, return his call back, not immediately though give it a day or two. It will make him ever more curious to what your up to and seem like your busy with your life and can get by just fine without him. When you do call be friendly but be firm. If you sound like everything is fine or you would love to have him back, it may backfire. Until you know that his intentions are good in nature keep the conversation light, friendly, funny and throw in a little playful sarcasm in here and there. Be sure to be the first to say that you have to go after you do talk for a little bit ! Dont stay on too long with him.This will not only convey that you're strong but it will make him want you more. Hope this little bit helped! Mason
Movingthrough Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I know that, for me, if I have deep feelings still then it is too soon. This is the main thing you have to think about. But the other problem is this could be the typical throwing out crumbs seeing if you would bite. I cant tell you how many times things like this will happen where you think at LEAST you can talk like adults, and you just never hear back. Its a weird thing when dumpees "know" you took the bait, they seem to loose interest all over again. Im literally texting a buddy about it now.
Author Flowerzzz Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 "I cant tell you how many times things like this will happen where you think at LEAST you can talk like adults, and you just never hear back." You were right on. I waited only a day and texted him a joke/question. No response. I waited several more hours and called him. No response. Oh well. At least I know that he is still the same ole wishy-washy guy. It sucks that i ruined no contact but I feel stronger for it.
Movingthrough Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 "I cant tell you how many times things like this will happen where you think at LEAST you can talk like adults, and you just never hear back." You were right on. I waited only a day and texted him a joke/question. No response. I waited several more hours and called him. No response. Oh well. At least I know that he is still the same ole wishy-washy guy. It sucks that i ruined no contact but I feel stronger for it. Im sorry that happened. Its a weird thing (and i have done it before in my life) when you contact someone and just want to "see" that they are still around. Then, you get the satisfaction and think "ehhh". The more time i spend on here and reading, the more i see how it is all the same. Hate to say it.
IanIan Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 You were right on. I waited only a day and texted him a joke/question. No response. I waited several more hours and called him. No response. Gosh that does sound tortuous. Sorry to hear that Flowerzzz. Sounds like he had a moment of weakness. I think you made the right decision in calling him though else you may have wondered, 'what if?' and its always a bit harsh ignoring someone. Who cares about an arbitrary number of days of NC?
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